Beowulf
Transcript: Beowulf, the Epic Narrative There was once a school called Walton middle school, and their principal was named Agee. This principal was very honorable and rich, and one day she decided that new playground was to be constructed. It would be enormous, and all the school could come and play in it. The playground was built, and for a small time, the children could enjoy themselves. But there was a nasty teacher at the school, Old Lady-Man Worozbyt. She/he was an evil witch, and she/he liked giving LBD to all the little girls and boys. So she/he hatched a plan; she/he assigned an impossible homework assignment, so all the little kiddies had to stay in LBD for over 9000 years! Now, there was a little boy named Maharg, who went to Notlaw middle school. He heard of the troubles of Walton, and wanted to help. So he traveled 8,598,375,879,352,785,289,573,875,385,768 miles until he came to the school. Maharg soon found the school in the tyranny of Old Lady-Man Worozbyt, who forced them to do projects on Beowulf endlessly. These projects were grueling ones, where they had to use netbooks to make a recreation of the "epic narrative". So Maharg waited. Soon, all the little children went home. So Worozbyt stalked ovr to the playground, and gobbled up all of the homework. At that moment, Maharg struck. Using only his bare hands, he wrestled with the horrible beast, finally succeeding in tearing off the lady/man's pinkies. It slithered away, howling in pain. Maharg fell asleep. The whole school celebrated the death of the old crone. They ate muffins and drank blood-flavored Kool-Aid, and the party lasted into the night. But Old Lady-Man Worozbyt had a mother, who had a cousin, who had a stepdad, who had a brother-in-law, who had a dog that had heard of Worozbyt’s death, and sought revenge. So she/he snuck into Walton, where he attacked 3 sleeping kids. They all got lizard rabies and were taken to the hospital. Maharg knew he had to do something, so he went off, and after 3 days, he found the doghouse that belonged to Old Lady-Man Worozbyt Dog. He crawled in and fought the beast, and after a while he emerged, holding the severed head of Old Lady-Man Worozbyt. The whole world cheered, for he had rid the world of an ugly thing, an ugly thing’s dog, and lizard rabies. He feasted a Walton for the second time that week, recieving many riches, such as gold, silver, diamonds, and silly hats. 9001 years later Maharg was now a decrepit old man, with yellow fingernails and white hair. He had, 5924 years earlier, received a school as a birthday present, and he still ruled over it as principal with kindness and wisdom. But there was danger within the school. A really big lizard had shown up at the school, and bitten 64 people, who all got lizard rabies. Maharg knew he had to do something brave. He picked up his cane, and, hobbling slowly, made his way to McDonalds, where the wretched creature feasted on processed Chicken McNuggets, and slurped Cokes. He made it there, and, cane in his hand, fought the beast with black tooth and yellow nail, maiming it, but not killing it. Now, another old man, Kire, saw the great battle and recognized Maharg from his days at Notlaw Middle School. So the old guy drew HIS cane, and, with all of his might, threw it into the beast’s mouth. The lizard choked and died from old man rabies. But Maharg was wounded badly by the lizard rabies, and he called for Kire to speak with him. He gave Kire Walton, $389,734,857,349,857 in cash, and his old cane. Then he died of lizard rabies. And so, Kire ruled over Walton Middle School for 48 years, bringing wealth to the school. Soon, though, the school fell to budget cuts and nuclear war, and everybody died. Of lizard rabies. THE END
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