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Attachment Parenting presentation for Peaceful Parenting Expo 2013

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Cameron Austin

on 28 January 2013

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Transcript of Attachment Parenting presentation for Peaceful Parenting Expo 2013

how attachment parenting
has encouraged and supported me through my journey as a parent Attachment Parenting feed with love and respect prepare for pregnancy, birth, and parenting ensure safe sleep, physically and emotionally provide consistent and loving care practice positive discipline strive for balance in your personal and family life respond with sensitivity Feeding a child involves more than providing nutrients; it is an act of love. Whether providing for the very intense hunger of a newborn, or serving meals at the family dinner table, parents can use feeding time as an opportunity to strengthen their bonds with their children. "Bottle Nursing" Introducing Solids Nurturing a Taste for Nutritious Food use nurturing touch Gentle Weaning Personal Experience Babies are born with urgent and intense needs and depend completely on others to meet them. Nurturing touch helps meet a baby's need for physical contact, affection, security, stimulation, and movement. Parents who choose a nurturing approach to physical interactions with their children promote development of healthy attachments. Even as children get older their need to stay connected through touch remains strong. Needs and the benefits of nurturing touch How to provide Nurturing Touch Personal Experience Striving for Balance involves ensuring that everyone's needs--not just the child's--are recognized, validated, and met to the greatest extent possible. I an ideal world, every family member's needs are met all the time, everyone is happy and healthy, and the family is perfectly in balance. In the real world, nobody's family life is perfectly balanced all the time. It is not unusual for parents to feel out of balance at times. Parents who practice AP continuously look for creative ways to find balance in their personal and family life. Breastfeeding and Attachment Practical Tips for Maintaining Balance Founded by Barabara Nicholson and Lysa Parker
noticed a need for greater family security
and caregiver availability. "Babies have needs at night just as they do during the day; from hunger, loneliness, and fear, to feeling too cold or too hot." "....during nightmares, teething, illness, growth spurts, or during times of transition in their lives." New research suggests that sleep training techniques such as cry it out methods have detrimental effects on the baby by increasing the stress hormone cortisol in the brain. When the stress hormone cortisol reaches a certain level the child feels physical pain.

Crying infants experience
an increase in heart rate,
body temperature, and blood pressure. "Even though young children may outgrow needing to eat during the night, they might still require comfort and reassurance." "An infant is not neurologically or developmentally capable of calming or soothing himself to sleep in a way that is healthy. The part of the brain that helps with self soothing isn't well developed until the child is two and half to three years of age. Until that time, a child depends on his parents to help him calm down and learn to regulate his intense feelings." Bedsharing English psychotherapist
Sue Gerhardt
author of Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby's Brain

explains that when a baby is upset, the hypothalamus produces cortisol.
In normal amounts cortisol is fine, but if a baby is exposed for too long or too often to stressful situations (such as being left to cry) its brain becomes flooded with cortisol and it will then either over- or under-produce cortisol whenever the child is exposed to stress.

Too much cortisol is linked to depression and fearfulness; too little to emotional detachment and aggression. Attachment Parenting incorporates
"Golden Rule" of Parenting Spending special time with your children shows them you care about them and that you
love to be in their presence. Positive Discipline Tools- by Jane Nelson author of the book Positive Discipline and creator of Positive Discipline classes.

Family Meetings- "The Austin Team"
great time to listen to each family member and write down their concerns.
Problem solve as a family
Give and receive compliments
Talk about what is coming up in the week
Spend quality time at the end of the family meeting like playing a game.

Eye to Eye communication
It is more respectful to communicate while looking in their eyes, rather than sitting on the couch and yelling a demand from across the room Play is a child's love language.
Time = Love "...encourages parents to learn to trust their intuitive knowledge of their child to build a strong foundation of trust, allowing the child to develop his capacities for empathy and compassion for others." Co-sleeping Sleeping in "close proximity" to your baby. API's Safe Sleep Brochure Distract & Redirect
Remove your child from the TV knobs and redirect by saying, "You can play with the blocks."

Show Faith in your child
When we show faith in our children they develop courage & faith in themselves.
You can say "I have confidence in you that you can do this."

Validate Feelings
"I know you are upset, I would be too. And I have faith in you." Give them a chance to problem solve.
"How do you think we can work this out."

Ask curiosity questions.
"What do you need to do to be ready for school on time?"

Encouragement vs. Praise
Praise: "I am so proud of you. Here is your reward." "Great Job"
"You worked so hard. You must be so proud of yourself."

The Positive Discipline Tips will encourage self-motivation and self esteem in your child. They help boost Mira's self confidence that she can make decisions and follow through with actions on her own. Sleeping with your baby can be safe if you follow the safe sleep guidelines. “When you change the way you view birth, the way you birth will change.” ~Marie Mongan Natural Birth St. Dominic's Hospital Before and during pregnancy we need to work through our negative feelings surrounding the birth process. As we come to realize how natural birth is and what a bonding experience birth can be when we are able to better prepare for it. It's a good idea to look into all aspects of common labor, birth, and newborn interventions
and decide what you are comfortable. Prepare to have extra help those first few weeks.

You will want to spend all of your time getting to know your new baby and this is a special time that many people love to help in.

A postpartum doula can help with breastfeeding and some will even help around the house if needed. Reflecting on and coming to terms with your childhood is a very important part of your parenting journey.

What are your parenting beliefs?

Every developmental stage comes with a new set of challenges, as well as rewards, so it is important to educate yourself about the stages.

Setting realistic expectations early on and remaining flexible can save parents a lot of stress later on.
Ask yourself:
What are the risks, and possible outcomes if I choose to or not to do this? What are other options?
How long do I have to decide?

You may consider hiring a doula, who will be able to help you emotionally throughout pregnancy and birth. Pregnancy is a good time to research the numerous benefits of breastfeeding for mom and baby. A newborn baby has only three demands.

They are warmth in the arms of its mother, food, from her breasts, and security in the knowledge of her presence. Breastfeeding satisfies all three. ~Grantly Dick-Read It is important to research different healthcare providers and birthing options so you can decide
what works best for your family. Empowering Unassisted Home Birth Story of Hudson Roth Birth Bonding can happen after a C-Section Babies brains are very underdeveloped and immature at birth, making them incapable of self soothing; through the consistent, repeated responsiveness of a compassionate adult, children learn to soothe themselves.

It is very normal for babies to crave and need constant touch and attention,
babywearing is a great way to meet baby's needs while being free to do other things as well. Some babies are more sensitive to noise and stress than others and it is important to stay aware of how your child is reacting to his environment.

Understanding your child's natural rhythm and scheduling around them whenever possible. High levels of stress, such as during prolonged crying, cause a baby to experience an unbalanced chemical state in the brain and can place him at risk for physical and emotional problems later in life.

In parents, symptoms of burnout or inability to cope with baby's needs are signals that extra support and/or professional help are necessary. Tantrums represent real emotions that are too powerful for a young, underdeveloped brain to manage in a way we consider socially acceptable.

A parent should always should always comfort a child, not get angry or punish her for having a tantrum.

"Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being." -Kittie Franz "The days are long, but the years are short." -Unknown

Creating a new schedule that works around your baby, instead of trying to fit baby into a preexisting, will make transition period much easier.

Consider taking your baby along for date night, getting exercise by walking with baby in a sling, for long evening out take along a trusted caregiver to take care of baby nearby. Work with employees to create a schedule that will maximize each parents time with the child.

Ease your child into you going back to work by working half days and/or only a few days a week if possible.

Leave the child with a caregiver they are comfortable with and follow his lead when it comes to willingness to separate.

Children will occasionally have difficulty separating, it is normal,
avoid shaming, fear, or intimidation to prevent this from happening.

I am responsible for making sure they get there homework done and study after school, so I made sure they knew the expectations and were comfortable with them.

We have a great time together and they play so well with my daughter. Loving Home Birth with Midwife "From the very beginning, when we had a private transition nurse to care for Simon in our hospital room rather than sending him to the nursery in the hours after birth, we began forming a strong bond. We did our best to meet Simon's needs in a loving and respectful manner.

He slept in our arms or in our bed or in a bassinet right next to our bed. He went everywhere with me, snuggled, and ate when he was hungry.

Even when I needed to go back to work, attachment parenting techniques such as extended breastfeeding and cosleeping helped us to maintain our strong bond." Kelly explains that, Birth bonding and beyond Preparing to be a parent Some things to keep in mind when Bedsharing:

Sharing sleep should be done in a bed with a firm mattress, safety approved side rails, and the baby should sleep between Mom and the bed rail.

The baby should sleep on their back.

Keep the temperature between 68-72 degrees to help keep the baby from over heating, and use a fan to keep the air moving. Reasons to not Bedshare
If you or anyone else in your house is a smoker.

If the mother is not breastfeeding.

If anyone sleeping in the bed drinks alcohol or is taking medication that would impair their natural ability to wake.

If there are other children or animals near.

If your baby is premature or has a low birth weight.

If you and your family decide to Bedshare,
API has created a Safe Sleep brochure which will help you bedshare safely. The American Academy of Pediatrics
supports co sleeping.

Co sleeping infants spend less
time awake and cry less frequently. Is she sleeping through the night? For many parents this questions undermines their confidence and creates unnecessary anxiety. Babies sleeping alone is a new practice that has evolved in the Western world only within the last one hundred years.

Recent research shows that putting babies to sleep in a room by themselves at three to six months of age doubles their chances of SIDS. Psychological and Developmental
reasons why babies wake so frequently. Pediatrician Dr. William Sears explains that

"Mother's milk is lower in fat and digested very easily.
Their immature brains are so underdeveloped that they need frequent feeding and skin-to-skin nurturing to stimulate healthy growth." "Adults have fewer periods of REM sleep (active sleep) and more periods of deep sleep, whereas infants have frequent periods of REM sleep and fewer periods of deep sleep." "Infants' sleep patterns gradually adjust to adultlike sleep patterns beginning around the ages of two and three years." Bedsharing has given Mira the security that she has needed through the night. She is a very sensitive child, so I try to respond to who she is during the day as well as the night. She truly appreciates it and I see that she understands the compassion and love that I feel for her, because she expresses the same love and compassion. I work as an after school nanny to 2 great girls.

When we first met I had a fun project planned so we could get to know each other in a fun way. The first few weeks were an adjustment period but once they realized I had a peaceful, nonjudgemental house they really became comfortable.

We watch an educational documentary every Friday and they are so excited about it they spend the entire car ride home deciding which to watch this week!

I feel like we have really made a positive place for these girls to be after school. Attachment Parenting
of Metro Jackson

Meeting Times and Locations 1st Thursday of the month
at St. James Church
at 10 am 3rd Thursday of the month
at Laurel Wood Club House
at 6pm Come join us! API's Eight Principles of Parenting Resources used in this presentation:
www.attachmentparentinginternational. org
"Attached at the Heart"
by Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker
www.parentingscience.com Rooted in the attachment theory,

Attachment Parenting
has been studied extensively for over 60 years by psychology and
child development researchers, and more recently,

by researchers
studying the brain. “Attachment parenting is not a panacea for all problems,
but it provides a good start in giving our children the most loving environment possible to achieve their fullest potential.
As our children grow, they will make mistakes as part of their process of discovering who they are—our job is to maintain
the heart connection and be there for them
when they need us. "

Attached at the Heart
Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker "Principles are not intended to be standards of perfection but rather to be used as guidelines
to help you feel informed, validated, supported, and confident in your childrearing decisions.”

Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker "Treat children the way you would want to be treated if you were a child." Take time to think about where your child
is coming from. Are they merely exploring?
Is this age appropriate behavior?

For example many if not all toddlers go through
a hitting phase. Simple redirect and kindly say hands are not for hitting and show them what they can touch, play with, or explore. They will not be in this stage forever.

Remember every child is unique and
has different needs
Are they tired or hungry?
Are they feeling overwhelmed or
Do they feel discouraged? In 2002, research scientist
Elizabeth Thompson Gershoff, Ph D at Columbia University
conducted a meta-analysis on the use of corporal punishment that covered over three hundred studies and spanned sixty two years.
She found that ten of the eleven studies in the meta-analysis indicate parental corporal punishment is associated with the following undesirable behaviors: Studies have shown:
It increases the risk for abuse by parents
It increases impulsive behavior in children
It increases aggression and antisocial behavior
It is a risk factor for depression, suicide, and violent behavior later in life Barbara and Lysa's Book
Attached at the Heart quotes
shepherd-author Philip Keller in his book

A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23,

"the shepherd's rod was used to gently guide sheep along the right path. (Your rod and your staff, they comfort me."- Psalm 23:4.)" The Hebrew dictionary gives this word various meanings: a stick (for punishment, writing, fighting, ruling, walking etc).

While the rod could be used for guiding wandering sheep.

Shepherds didn't use the rod to beat their sheep--
and children are certainly more valuable than sheep.

Philip Keller explains that the shepherd's rod was used to fight off prey, and the staff was used to gently guide sheep along the right path. (Your rod and your staff, they comfort me."--Psalm 23:4) I've experienced birth with an epidural,
and now I've had a complete "pure" birth with no interventions and I would choose "pure" all day long! I realized I can take drugs to take away most of the pain, but it also takes away the euphoria! I asked everyone how much longer can I stay at 9cm
and my nurse replied,
"as long as it takes, and you are doing great!"
It was all I needed.....all I needed to refuel and not feel defeated! Needs and the Benefits of Nurturing Touch

For the child, nurturing touch stimulates growth-promoting hormones,
improves intellectual and motor development,
and helps regulate babies' temperature, heart rate, and sleep/wake patterns.

Babies who receive nurturing touch gain weight faster, nurse better, cry less,
are calmer, and have better intellectual and motor development

Cultures high in physical affection, touch, holding or carrying, rate low in adult physical violence How to Provide Nurturing Touch

Skin-to-skin contact is especially effective.

Breastfeeding and joint baths offer opportunities to snuggle skin-to-skin.

Massage can soothe babies with colic, help a child unwind before bedtime, and provides opportunity for playful interactions.

Carrying, or babywearing using a soft carrier, meets a baby's need for physical contact, comfort, security, stimulation and movement, all of which encourage neurological development.

Be conscious to avoid the overuse of devices designed to hold a baby independently, such as swings, jumpers, plastic carriers, and strollers. Nurturing Touch and the Older Child

Frequent hugs, snuggling, back rubs and massage all meet the older child’s need for touch, as do more physical play such as wrestling and tickling.

Wrestling and tickling should follow the lead of the child and should not be forced.

Use playfulness and games to encourage physical closeness.

If you find your child is too heavy to hold comfortably, provide the closeness that carrying provides by providing attention or comfort in your lap.

All humans (including adults) thrive on touch and the reconnection it provides. Breastfeeding satisfies an infant's nutritional and emotional needs better than any other method of infant feeding.

Feed on cue, before the stage of crying.

Breastfeeding continues to be normal and important nutritionally, immunologically, and emotionally beyond one year.

Breastfeeding has many benefits for both mother and baby.

Nursing is a valuable mothering tool to naturally comfort a baby.

"Comfort Nursing" meets a baby's sucking needs. Feeding is one of the primary ways a mother can initiate a secure attachment relationship with her baby.

Familiarize yourself with breastfeeding behaviors, and model them when bottle feeding:

Hold the baby when bottle feeding, positioning the bottle alongside the breast.
Maintain eye contact, talk softly and lovingly.
Switch positions from one side to another.
Feed on cue and avoid schedules.
Consider reserving feeding for the mother only.
Pacifiers satisfy a baby's sucking need.
Hold the baby or child in the feeding position when he uses the pacifier.

Associate the bottle and pacifier with being held and having undivided attention, so that it doesn't become a transitional object.

Wean from the bottle as one would wean from the breast. Introduce solids at signs of readiness, not based upon age.

Start slowly with foods that are not likely to cause allergens.

Offer breast or bottle first, followed by solids.

Follow the baby's cue on what and how much to eat; let him develop his tastes naturally.

Breast milk and/or artificial milk will be the primary nutrition source until about 1 year of age. Model healthy eating habits.

Try to make at least one meal a day a time for connection and community.

Toddlers need to eat small meals during the day and should not be expected to sit at a dinner table for long periods of time.

Encourage a child to follow his bodily cues for hunger and thirst, to eat when he is hungry and stop when he is full.

Forcing a child to eat, or to eat a certain food, is counterproductive and can lead to unhealthy eating habits and potentially eating disorders.

Avoid the use of food as a reward or punishment, or of making food (or dessert) contingent on behavior.

Rather than restricting access to certain foods, consider having only healthy options available in the home and allowing the child to choose. Nurturing a Taste for Nutritious Food Weaning begins the moment solid foods are introduced.

Food gradually takes the place of milk in terms of caloric need, but nursing continues to meet many other needs such as comfort and nurturing.

If a mother needs to wean before the child has displayed readiness, proceed gently. When in balance, family members are more able to be emotionally responsive.

The best defense for feeling isolated is to look outward to create a support network in the local community.

The child's needs must be a priority, and the younger the child, the more intense and immediate his needs.

Even so, he is one piece of the complete family picture that also includes the needs of the parents as individuals and as a couple, siblings, plus the family as a whole. Balance is the Foundation
Upon Which Attachment Grows Enjoy today and accept that having
a child changes things
Set realistic goals
Place people before things
Say no
Take time for yourself
Eat healthy
Exercise regularly
Take naps
Avoid over-scheduling
Get out of the house
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