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7.3 ASPIRE 'Tween Curriculum

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The ASPIRE Initiative

on 19 March 2015

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Transcript of 7.3 ASPIRE 'Tween Curriculum

Courtesy of Capitol Records
Under license from Universal Music Enterprises

You start spreading rumors about someone.
You get jealous when your friend or crush wants to hang out with friends or family, and insist that he or she spends all of his or her time with you.
Your friend or crush tries to get you to send inappropriate pictures over the internet.
Someone says to you, “If you really trusted me, you would give me your passwords. If you don’t, then we have a problem.”
The person you are dating calls you multiple times a day, checking up on you and your whereabouts. He or she says they want to know everything about you.
6. Threats of violence
Can you think of examples of violence?
7. Breaking objects
How do you think you should break up with someone who is abusive?
Resources
Centers for Disease Control (CDC)
www.cdc.gov

The National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH)
www.thehotline.org

National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV)
www.nnedv.org

Your friends put a piece of chocolate on your chair so that when you sit on it, wearing your white pants, it leaves a stain that makes it look like you’ve “had an accident.” Everyone stands there laughing at you, including your own boyfriend.
1. Quick involvement in the relationship
2. Unreasonable jealousy
5. Abrupt mood changes
8. Use of force during arguments
9. History of getting in trouble
2.
Keep it Real
3.
Don’t Talk Trash
4.
Have a Goal
5.
Allow the Other
Person to Save Face
7.
There’s a Time Limit
1.
Stick to the Topic
SITUATIONS
RULES
CYCLE OF VIOLENCE
1. Incident:
- Any type of abuse occurs. (physical/sexual/emotional)
3. Making Up:
- Abuser may apologize for abuse.
- Abuser may promise it will never happen again.
- Abuser may blame victim for causing the abuse.
- Abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims.
4. Calm:
- Abuser acts like the abuse never happened.
- Physical abuse may not be taking place.
- Promises made during "making-up" may be met.
- Victim may hope that the abuse is over.
- Abuser may give gifts to victim.

BYSTANDER CREDO

- If I see someone in harm's way - I'll SPEAK UP! I will tell my parents, teachers and school counselor about what's happening.
- I will NEVER leave a friend at a party, event, or school function alone because it leaves them vulnerable.
- Watching bullying happen and staying silent makes me no different than being a bully.
When you Disagree:
- Don't bring up old grudges if they aren't relevant.
Stick to the Topic
Keep it Real
- Be honest about what is bothering you or you could end up more frustrated.
Don't Talk Trash
- Stay focused on the issue. Don't let the fight turn into name-calling and insults.
Have a Goal
- To be heard and understood, not be be agreed with.
Allow the Other Person
to Save Face
- How an argument ends is crucial. Recognize when someone is trying to make peace with you; perhaps in the form of an apology or joke.
Keep a Lid on Your Anger
- Don't explode! Every single thing you disagree about is not the end all be all. Just because you have a right to be mad does not give you the right to blow up.
There's a Time Limit
- Arguments should be temporary, so don't let them get out of hand. Don't allow the ugliness of an argument to go on too long.
How to Be a Real Friend:
- First...don't be afraid to let him or her know you are concerned for their safety. Help them recognize that what is happening is not "normal".
- Acknowledge that he or she is in a very difficult and scary situation. Reassure him or her that they are not alone and there is help and support out there.
- Be supportive. Let him or her know that you are available to help whenever they may need it.
- Be non-judgmental. Do not criticize his or her decisions or try to guilt them.
- Encourage him or her to participate in activities outside of the relationship with friends and family.
- Remember that you cannot "rescue" him or her.
Stay Safe Plan
- If at home alone, find someone to be with you.
- Let your school counselor know what is going on if your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend shows up.
- Stay off social networking sites, and change all of your passwords.
- Stay connected with family and friends.
- Remember, there is help.
Safe Exit Plan
Notify a friend, family member or someone you trust that you are planning on ending the relationship.
Identify a code word that you can text to a trusted person in the event you are in trouble.
If you don't feel safe, don't break up in person.
Identify a safe place that you can go, where someone you trust can pick you up.
Contact loveisrespect.org to find resources in your area. 
1
2
3
4
5
Physical Abuse
: Any intentional use of physical force with the intent to control a partner through fear or injury.

Examples
: Hitting, scratching; pushing; shoving; throwing; grabbing; shaking; slapping; punching; and use of restraints or one's body, size, or strength against another person.

Emotional/Verbal Abuse
: An attempt to control a partner through the manipulation of their self-esteem, sense of personal security, relationships with others, and/or their perception of reality. Often it results in the victim feeling worthless and responsible for the abuse.

Examples
: Threats, insults, yelling, screaming, cursing at, constant monitoring or “checking in”, humiliation, intimidation, isolation from friends and family or stalking.

Sexual Abuse
: Any behaviors that impact a person’s ability to control their sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity occurs.

Examples
: physically forcing sex, making you feel fearful about saying no to sex, forcing you to participate in demeaning or degrading sexual acts, and denying contraception or protection from sexually transmitted diseases.
1.
STICK TO THE TOPIC

Don't bring up old grudges if they aren't relevant.
3.
DON'T TALK TRASH

Stay focused on the issue. Don't let the fight turn into name-calling and insults.
2.
KEEP IT REAL

Be honest about what is bothering you, or you could end up more frustrated.
4.
HAVE A GOAL

Set out to be heard and understood, not agreed with.
5.
ALLOW THE OTHER PERSON TO SAVE FACE

How an argument ends is crucial. Recognize when somebody is trying to make peace with you; perhaps in the form of a joke.
6.
KEEP A LID ON YOUR ANGER

Don't explode! Every single thing you disagree about is not the end-all, be-all.
Just because you have a right to be mad does not give you the right to blow up.
7.
THERE'S A TIME LIMIT

Arguments should be temporary, so don't let them get out of hand. Don't let the ugliness of an argument go on too long.
6.
Keep a Lid on Your
Anger
- Abuser starts to get angry.
- There is a breakdown in communication.
- Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm.
- Tension becomes too much.
- Victim feels like they're "walking on eggshells."
6. Verbal abuse, blaming others for problems
"It was my fault, I got him mad."

"He apologized, promised it wouldn't happen again."

"It doesn't happen all the time."

"I know he loves me, and I love him."

"We have a lot of great times together."

"Nobody else wants me."
TYPICAL ABUSER EXCUSES
Reasons for Staying
"I was just joking."

"It's not like I hit you or anything."

"I was having a bad day."

"You got me upset."

"It won't happen again."

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You deserved it."

"You know what sets me off."

"You're just as bad as me."

"It's your fault, if you would just do what I ask, I wouldn't have to hit you."
Digital
: This is a form of emotional/verbal abuse that uses technology or social media to intimidate, harass, bully, stalk, or threaten a current or ex-dating partner.

Examples
: Demanding passwords, checking cell phones, cyber bullying, sexting, excessive or threatening texts or stalking on Facebook or other social media, or posting/distributing private photos.

Financial Abuse
: The use of finances or access to finances to control a partner. It’s one of the most powerful forms of abuse, and common method of entrapping a partner in the relationship. It’s often given as the reason that victims of abuse stayed in or returned to an abusive relationship.

Examples
: Hiding bank accounts, hiding debt, giving you an allowance, restricting/interfering with employment, not letting you have your own money, and ruining your credit.
Definitions of Abuse
Definitions of Abuse
(cont)
www.LoveisRespect.org
www.WhenGeorgiaSmiled.org
- Of teens in abusive relationships, only 32% confide in their parents about their abusive relationship.

- 80% of girls who have been physically abused in a dating relationship continue to date the abuser.

- More than 40 % of teen girls reported being a victim of dating violence.

- Approximately 33% U.S. Youths Report Being Victims of Dating Violence

- Abused girls are 4 to 6 times more likely to get pregnant and 8 to 9 times more likely to have tried to commit suicide.

Tween Stats
Source: The National Domestic Violence Hotline
Source: The National Domestic Violence Hotline
Source: The National Domestic Violence Hotline
Source: The National Domestic Violence Hotline
www.DrPhil.com
Source: www.DrPhil.com
Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship
1. Quick involvement in a relationship

2. Extreme jealousy

3. Controlling behavior

4. Threats of violence

5. Abrupt mood changes

6. Verbal abuse

7. Breaking objects

8. Use of force during an argument

9. History of getting in trouble
www.DrPhil.com
source: www.DomesticViolence.org
www.DomesticViolence.org
Source: NNEDV, LoveisRespect.org, NDVH
Source: FuturewithoutViolence.org
Georgia Governor's Office for Children and Families Fact Sheet
American Psychological Association
Silverman, Jay G., Raj, Anita, and Clements, Karen. “Dating Violence Against Adolescent Girls and Associated Substance Use, Unhealthy Weight Control, Sexual Risk Behavior, Pregnancy, and Suicidality.” Pediatrics, August 2004
American Psychological Association (APA)
www.apa.org

www.FutureswithoutViolence.org
"Roar"
Performed by Katy Perry

You are listening to music on your headphones, and your friend thinks you’re ignoring her, so she rips the headphones from your ears.
For more information on

The Aspire News App
visit:

www.WhenGeorgiaSmiled.org


BYSTANDER CREDO

- If I see someone in harm's way - I'll SPEAK up! I will tell my parents, teachers, school counselor about what's happening.
- I will NEVER leave a friend at a party, event, or school function alone because it leaves them vulnerable.
- Watching bullying happen and staying silent makes me no different than being a bully.
2. Tension Building:
Full transcript