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Empathy - Day 6 Conscious Discipline

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Lori Allen

on 1 November 2017

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Transcript of Empathy - Day 6 Conscious Discipline

Brain Stem
In this session you will learn to:
Reflect / What you say:
Mirror their body - empathy organizes the brain!
The upset looks like / Sounds like:
Always focuses me on
Throws me into
and negates
Anatolian High Schools
These were established for the purpose of teaching students at least one foreign language, which they can utilize to further their education in the best possible manner.

Science High Schools

Teaching children to manage their emotions
day 6
Help students move from acting out emotions from the lower centers of their brains to harnessing their energy and accessing their wisdom to problem-solve
Ways to help students take ownership of their upset feelings
To utilize the power of acceptance as the core of all self-control and self-actualization
How to handle fits, tantrums, and emotional upset in a way that wires student's brains for self-control
It is what it is!!!!
Resisting the moment as it is:
what I don't want.
the lower centers of the brain.
the moment.
Limbic System
Looks like / sounds like
"Your face is going like this. Your foot is tapping like this. Your body is telling me you might be angry."
Upset looks like / Sounds like:
I hate you!
Shut up!
You're stupid!
Reflect / What you say:
Mirror their feelings - Say what you think they are feeling
" You seem angry. Something happened?"
Prefrontal Lobe
This is boring
math is hard
she took my turn
Reflect / What you say:
Mirror their thoughts (say what you think their goal is)
We must listen to children's thoughts and feelings without the need to change them!

It's not about "happying up" children. Leave them with their situation or choice so they can reflect and take responsibility. Empathy organizes the brain.
So you would like to do something else?
So it's our job to "act like a mirror".
Asking for Information or Understanding??
Assess the quality of their ____________.
If the child is in a limbic state, they want ________________.
If the child is in a frontal lobe state, they want ________________.
Developmental Levels of Empathy
Stage 1: Empathetic Distress
(0-12 months)
Experience other's distress
Tune into the emotional state of others

Cries when others cry
Stage 2: Egocentric empathy
(1-6 years)
cognitively differentiate themselves from others
attempts to comfort others (inappropriately)

Offer a cookie to a crying baby
Stage 3: Reciprocal empathy
(6-9 years)
Not only offer sympathy, but be able to discern whether or not it is helpful.
can fully appreciate another's perspective.

Stage 4: Global empathy
(9-11 years)
Concerned with global distress such as oppression, poverty and illness.
Before, empathy was limited to the specific immediate distress within their own lives.
Mature empathy based on love - which does these five things:
increases security (reduces the fear of loss)
goes from the worthy to the worthy (to give love, you must feel loveable)
acknowledges free will (people choose their perceptions, thoughts, feelings and actions
relies on faith (all is well) instead of worry
Conscious Empathy

Involves listening AND understanding that the upset person is capable and competent to handle the emotions and the situation.
Must not see conflict as a bad thing, but an opportunity to learn.
Refuse to judge the situation as bad even though our friend is invested in that perception.
Empathy Style #1
Focus only on behaviors
do not connect with children and fail to teach how to manage or express feelings constructively
Empathy Style #2
Notice feelings, but approach with a goal of saving the student from distress
wants to "Happy Up" the student by fixing the problem
Empathy Style #3
Criticize student's feelings
Forbid display of anger or irritability
See emotions (esp. negative) as a sign of disrespect
*Punitive approaches almost always model the exact behavior you are trying to eliminate!
Empathy Style #4
Brushing aside student upset by minimizing feelings - attempts to push through them
Goal is to stop the upset, not to manage the feelings
Empathy Style #5
Utilize moments of upset as opportunities to teach emotional regulation using the D.N.A. model
Resist the temptation to see others as victims!
To be empathic - must be in the frontal lobe!

Requires we _________ to children's thoughts and feelings without the need to _________ them.
Dr. Becky Bailey - Empathy
Read pgs. 237 - 251

Complete Reflection page, and be ready to submit by next class.

Journal a personal experience with empathy this week. It may be another person being empathic towards you. What did you notice?
Disappointment is difficult, but acceptance of "what is" is necessary for empathy to occur.
Stage 5: Conscious Empathy
(11 years of age and up)
*This is progress!!
Ex: When is lunch?
Brain Stem - Survival State
Active calming, noticing:
"Your face is going like this."
Limbic System - Emotional System
: "You Seem____."
Prefrontal Lobes - Executive State
Problem-Solving: "You wanted_____."
"You were hoping ____."

Before we can empathize, we must stop equating disobedience with disrespect!
"It's not that bad" or "it's not a big deal, get over it"
"You know better than to..."
"It's okay, I will..."
After a calming breath say to self, "I am safe. Keep breathing. I can handle this.
Empathizing does not change the limits on behavior; it helps children to become better able to accept them.
Tantrums vs. Fits
Healing Anger through Empathy
Both are expressions of anger
Survival State Emotional State
I am triggered and I become my emotions
Breathe and notice the internal state, letting emotions bubble up
Identify and name the feeling, from "I am angry" to "I feel angry."
Relax, change states and reframe the problem
Win-win solutions are abundant
Full transcript