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USM Sexual Assault & Consent (College)

College/University
by

SARSSM Staff

on 23 March 2015

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Transcript of USM Sexual Assault & Consent (College)

CONSENT
Consent?
Verbal
ongoing
Physical
www.sarsonline.org
1-800-313-9900
Sexual Assault:
sexual activity without consent

Includes:
coercion
manipulation
threats
physical force
incapacitation
Consent is NOT...
= yes!!!
facial expression
eye contact
body language
participation
communication
forced kissing
forced sexual contact
non-consensual vaginal, anal, or oral sex
Sexual
Assault
Crimes
unlawful sexual contact
rape (gross sexual assault)
molestation/child abuse
incest
sex trafficking
communication
from hand holding, to kissing, to making out, touching, oral sex, and sex...
asking for consent is healthy & normal
communication
do you want a hug?
can I kiss you?
is this okay with you?
What’s Cindy’s problem? We had been together for about two months. We had never had sex before, but I knew we would eventually. If you want to know the truth, I was actually getting some crap from my friends about why we hadn’t done it yet. I was getting pretty impatient, and it seemed like all my friends were hooking up every weekend.

Anyway, I asked Cindy to go to this party with me because I was planning to make my move. When we got to the party, I gave her a couple of drinks and she got kind of buzzed. We cuddled on the sofa for a while then she said she wanted to go upstairs and lie down. She asked if I would to go with her, so I said sure. She needed a little help standing up, but nobody said anything when we went upstairs together so I figured everything was ok. I could tell Cindy was a little dizzy, but she said she was fine and smiled at me, so I thought this was my chance. One of my teammates even gave me a high five when he saw me heading into a bedroom with Cindy.

When we got to the bed, Cindy sat right down and I started to rub her back. She protested a little when I started to take off her clothes, but I knew she didn’t want to look easy. I figured she wanted to be convinced, so I just kept going. I knew I could make it happen and she’d get into it eventually. Besides, if she really didn’t want to have sex she would have let me know, wouldn’t she? Well, I ended up having sex with her even though she was a little quiet, but it was still good. Ever since, though, she has refused to talk to me. What’s her deal?

Phil
Cindy
&
I will never forget that night as long as I live. Phil and I had been going out for a while. We had made out a bunch of times and he had always been respectful when I told him I wasn’t ready to have sex. I thought I could trust him.

Phil invited me to a party with a bunch of his senior friends I was psyched about it. I had never been to a party on that side of campus. I was glad Phil picked me up before the party, because I didn’t know a lot of the people there. When we got to the party it seemed like everyone was drinking, so I had a couple of drinks too. They really hit me fast. I felt dizzy and wanted to go upstairs to get away from the crowd and lie down. Phil and I had been snuggling on the couch and I didn’t feel safe to go upstairs by myself so I asked if he would like to come with me.

When we got to a bedroom I sat right down. Phil started rubbing my back and it felt good at first, but then he started to kiss my neck and take off my clothes. At first I lay down and pretended to be asleep because I thought he would stop. When he didn’t, I pushed his hands away and tried to hold my clothes on. I said “don’t”, but it was like he was ignoring me. He’d always listened before, so I kept thinking he was going to stop any minute. I kept pushing him away, but he wasn’t stopping. I couldn’t believe what was happening; he wasn’t listening to me or paying attention to anything I was telling him. It was like a nightmare-- I was so scared I froze; I couldn’t scream or do anything. He forced me to have sex with him. I thought he was different. How could this happen?

Sam
Emily
PREVENT
sexual violence
PROMOTE
healthy relationships
mi
x
ed

si
gn
a
ls?
If the person initiating is getting mixed signals, just slow down... consent is needed.
STOP & ASK
abuse of POWER
CREATE a
Party Plan
or Friend Plan
SAM & EMILY
what does it take to maintain a healthy relationship?
Recently at school some students have been getting in trouble for PDA’s (public displays of affection). Emily and Sam usually kiss each other hello before classes in the mornings, but Emily doesn’t want to get in trouble. She’s nervous to talk to Sam about it because she doesn’t want him to think that she doesn’t want to kiss him.

Later that day, she decides to talk to him about it and asks if they can stop kissing at school for a while. After she explains why she doesn’t want to, Sam agrees and they both feel good about the decision. Emily was relieved. Sam felt great too because he knew she still liked him.
A few weeks later, Sam found out that Emily had told her friends about the first time they went further than kissing. Right after he found out he told Emily that it made him feel weird she was describing tons of details to a bunch of her girlfriends.

Emily said she was glad he brought it up and that she was sorry; she didn’t know he felt that way. She said from now on she can keep things more private. She asked if she could still tell her one best friend about details. He said that was okay; just not everyone. They both agreed and Sam felt better. Emily was glad he was able to talk about it with her.
TODAY'S GOALS:
imagine...
Learn SARSSM's services and how we can help

Learn ways to support a victim of sexual assault

Learn basic sexual assault and consent definitions

Discuss active bystander behavior to prevent sexual violence
THE BYSTANDERS...
BEFORE?
DURING?
AFTER?
LISTEN to your gut
Get Sam to HELP OUT
FOLLOW THROUGH on your party plan
Be a FRIEND!
SQUASH the rumors
Offer options for HELP
Listen & BELIEVE
BEFORE?
TALK to Phil,
Take the pressure OFF him
TELL his buddies to knock it off
Model HEALTHY relationship behaviors
Make a PLAN for the party
DURING?
LISTEN to your GUT
Tell Phil: "Tonight's not the night..."
DISTRACT Phil with X-Box or Pizza...
GET EMILY to help Cindy while you DISTRACT Phil
WHY MIGHT THIS BE HARD?
AFTER?
EDUCATE PHIL
QUESTION his story
MODEL healthy relationship behaviors
SQUASH the locker room talk
WHY MIGHT THIS BE HARD?
Consent, Communication, Role of the Bystander
the conversation:
RE-FRAME
=
YES!!!
Consent?
Phil's Friend
Cindy's Friend
Other Considerations:
pornography
exposure
sexual harassment
gender discrimination
sexual aggression against a child, solicitation of a child by computer, etc.
Title IX
Unwanted sexual behavior at school that interferes with a student's right to receive an equal education
Alcohol?
There are no laws about blood alcohol level & ability to participate in sexual activity, however, alcohol affects CONSENT.
"Primary prevention is about changing our social and cultural norms in order to create a safer, healthier world for all of us."
PRIMARY PREVENTION
(www.mecasa.org)
(Public Health)
HOW IT WORKS:
People get sick; public health seeks to determine why, and what behavior can change this outcome.
It turns out germs are the ‘why.’ So do we ask that only people with colds change their behavior? No. The public health model looks for solutions that everyone can implement to stop the spread of germs: washing your hands, sneezing into your arm, staying home when sick, etc.
It takes a cohesive community and a lot of teamwork. Everyone is expected to do their part.
GENDER BOXES
Gender Policing
Sexual Harassment
Sexual Assault
Rape
Stalking
Sexual Violence
ESCALATION OF VIOLENCE
Full transcript