Loading presentation...

Present Remotely

Send the link below via email or IM

Copy

Present to your audience

Start remote presentation

  • Invited audience members will follow you as you navigate and present
  • People invited to a presentation do not need a Prezi account
  • This link expires 10 minutes after you close the presentation
  • A maximum of 30 users can follow your presentation
  • Learn more about this feature in our knowledge base article

Do you really want to delete this prezi?

Neither you, nor the coeditors you shared it with will be able to recover it again.

DeleteCancel

Make your likes visible on Facebook?

Connect your Facebook account to Prezi and let your likes appear on your timeline.
You can change this under Settings & Account at any time.

No, thanks

Understanding Shame (in schools)

An introduction to affect-script psychology and polar responses to shame
by

Bill Hansberry

on 3 February 2016

Comments (0)

Please log in to add your comment.

Report abuse

Transcript of Understanding Shame (in schools)

ATTACK
OTHER
AVOIDANCE
ATTACK SELF
WITHDRAWAL
Strategy 2: The compass of shame
Attack Other Responses to Shame

I feel so shameful that diminishing someone else is my only defense against the information shame wants me to consider. I'll achieve this though any means that will cause distress and shame in others and give me a regained sense of power.

If I can make somebody else feel worse than I do, maybe I’ll feel a bit better about myself – a bit stronger.

When were you last here?

Who do you know struggling with this response to affect shame?
Avoidance of Shame

I feel so bad about myself I have to act as if I’m somebody else so nobody can see the real me (the real me is defective). I might try bravado - like I don’t care, be silly or show off to try to make other people think I am different from who I really am. Or I might brag about something I’m good at – because I think the real me is defective.

Which difficult people do you see using avoidance often?

Have you visited here lately?
Attacking Self

As a defective human I have to be mean to myself and let others demean me. It's the only way I can stay connected to others and it's what I deserve.

I don’t believe I’m good enough so I don’t deserve respect or kindness from others, but hey, at least I'm connected.

Do you know someone at this pole?

What's their story?

How do you 'attack yourself?'
Withdrawing from Shame

I’m defective, so I have to run and hide from others so they don’t have reason to dislike me more. I just want to be somewhere nobody can see me so I don't feel more shame.

Do you know someone who is spending a lot of time here?

What might be the source of their shame?

How might you help them?
Affect-Script Psychology
Silvan Tomkins
Donald Nathanson MD
9
Positive Affects
Interest - Excitement
Enjoyment - Joy
Neutral Affect
Surprise - Startle
Negative Affects
Shame - Humiliation
Distress - Anguish
Fear - Terror
Anger - Rage
Disgust
Dissmell
Shame is a critical affect, it evolved as an affect to tell us that something has just happened that has interrupted
interest
or
enjoyment.

Shame tries to get us

to
pay attention
to the impediment - the event that
interrupted

us feeling
interest
or
enjoyment
So what kinds of events trigger affect shame?

"Shame is usually triggered by the sudden
awareness of something about the self
that we
didn't want to know
"
(Nathanson)
Something or someone
points out that we are
not quite measuring up
The first moments of this
realization are devastating.
We can't think straight
When we come out of
cognitive shock
,
memories (scenes) of other times we
felt this way are replayed
An inner search:
we wonder if there's
anything that's good about us,
it's easy to forget that there's anything about us that's lovable
or worthy
We reach a fork in the road....
what we will do with the
information that shame
wants us to pay attention to?
Another Usual Suspect:
The awareness that we've caused harm
or offense or upset to another.
innate affects
We pay attention to what affect shame wants us to consider. Sure, it stings, but,
we have a good, hard look at ourselves and act bravely and honestly to address whatever it was that shame wants us to consider -
that impediment to good feelings about ourselves or others.
Strategy 1: For the loved and accepted
Questions for a chat – 5 minutes

What does this information make you think about?

Who does this information make you think about?
Managing Shame
ATTACK
OTHERS
AVOIDANCE
ATTACK
SELF
WITHDRAWAL
Bradley’s Shame: Scenario
context
Withdrawal
Attack Self
Avoidance
Attack Other
Bradley’s behaviours following him kicking Dana
Bradley’s responses to shame
after kicking Dana


Read “Bradley’s Social History” and then discuss in your group where his behaviours might fit into the Compass of Shame.

Pop your ideas onto the sheet provided
Silent Reading!
context
Withdrawal
Attack Self
Avoidance
Attack Other
Bradley’s social history
Bradley’s Scripted
responses to shame
context
Withdrawal
Attack Self
Avoidance
Attack Other
Bradley’s behaviours following him kicking Dana
Taking himself away to the out of bounds area
Walking away when approached by Dana and teacher
Saying he hates himself
Inviting suspension
Saying “I don’t care”
being sullen and defiant with his teacher
Kicking Dana
Putting Dana down
Calling the school stupid
Bradley’s social history
Sulking
Running and hiding
Escalating himself to suspension
being defiant with his teacher
Negative self talk when friends want to play with other
clowning behaviour
being sullen and defiant with his teacher
deliberate attention seeking
name calling
threatening when he feels he is losing friends
being sullen and defiant with his teacher
What did you have?
5 minutes - Chatfest

So, we all know a Bradley (or four)!

What do we know about these peoples' responses to
affect
shame - which road does shame take them down?

What affect is triggered in us when we find their behaviour difficult?

What prevents them from being able to have a good hard look at themselves?

What might make the difference in how we approach our relationships with them?
Common Shame Trigger...
Shame triggered when something
gets in the way of feeling good
about another person
WITHDRAWAL
ATTACK SELF
AVOIDANCE
ATTACK
OTHER
It might look like ....

a momentary pulling away from others
go quiet
desire to be alone
shyness
agoraphobia
avoids human contact
It might look like....

appropriate self put downs (self deprecation)
more severe negativism towards the self
destructive relationsips

masochism

self mutilation

suicide
It might look like...


bravado (denial)
'Whatevs'
I'm so cool
showing off
a focus on own skills and or possessions - fake pride / borrowed pride

workaholism

substance abuse

super macho

addiction *reality swapping
It might look like....

'acceptable' banter
blame game
teasing
sarcastic put downs
bullying
rage attacks
murderous behaviour
terrorism
Thank you
www.hansberryec.com.au

WITHDRAWAL
ATTACK SELF
AVOIDANCE
ATTACK
OTHER
These four poles contain scripts
(sets of instructions on what to do and say to try to make shame go away)
that we employ to avoid the painful
self-scrutiny
demanded by the shame experience. They are our
only defence
against the awful thoughts and feelings that accompany affect shame when we feel
insecure or unlovable
.
ATTACK
OTHER
AVOIDANCE
ATTACK SELF
WITHDRAWAL
Attack Other Responses to Shame

I feel so shameful that diminishing someone else is my only defense against the information shame wants me to consider. I'll achieve this though any means that will cause distress and shame in others and give me a regained sense of power.

If I can make somebody else feel worse than I do, maybe I’ll feel a bit better about myself – a bit stronger.

When were you last here?

Who do you know struggling with this response to affect shame?
Avoidance of Shame

I feel so bad about myself I have to act as if I’m somebody else so nobody can see the real me (the real me is defective). I might try bravado - like I don’t care, be silly or show off to try to make other people think I am different from who I really am. Or I might brag about something I’m good at – because I think the real me is defective.

Which difficult people do you see using avoidance often?

Have you visited here lately?
We may see....


toughie - bravado (denial)

workaholism

substance abuse

super macho

addiction
We may see....

'acceptable' banter

blame

teasing

angry put downs

sarcasm

rage

murder
AVOIDANCE
ATTACK
OTHER
Affect Script Psychology

Understanding
Affect Shame

WITHDRAWAL
ATTACK SELF
AVOIDANCE
ATTACK OTHER
www.hansberry.com.au
"I can't change this kid's behaviour as quickly as I want....
This kid isn't getting it...

Affect

How they motivate us
Interest engage
Enjoyment affiliate

Surprise - track, look, listen

Shame seek to restore
Distress comfort
Fear freeze, run, hide
Anger attack
Disgust get rid of it (escape)
Dissmell stay away/avoid
Full transcript