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Satire Project

Rachel Lagasse

on 15 October 2010

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Transcript of Satire

Bieber Fever Cured By Puberty What is Bieber
Fever? Symptoms of
Bieber Fever Expert on Bieber
Fever Bieber Fever specifics Many people wonder what Bieber fever really is. Through detailed searches, by our own Dr. Steven Burnett, we have found several definitions. Definition A :An epidemic currently sweeping America. Very common in pre-teen and teenage girls. It is condition that involves obsessing over pop star, Justin Bieber. Definition B: The act of falling in love with pop singer Justin Bieber. Definition C: A sickness, that has recently become very common in America. It can happen to a boy or a girl, and they become extremely obsessed with Justin Bieber and everything related to him. Most parents are concerned with their childrens health and want to know what some of the common symptoms are of Bieber Fever. Our Bieber specialist, Kendra Watts, has compiled a list for us to use to see if our kids have Bieber Fever. Nonrhythmic Heart Pattern (heart skipping a beat)
Frequent Screaming
Minor Headaches
Schizophrenic Voices/Songs (all of his songs get stuck in their head)
Double Vision (due to massive staring at multiple posters of him)
Shaky Legs
Spontaneous Drooling
Lose of Focus
Melting Heart (at his smile or voice)
Watching continuous videos of him on Youtube
Owning My Worl or My World 2.0 or both
Bought tickets to his concerts
You are over 20 and thinking about him
Give him nicknames in your head
You cry becasue of the need to meet him
You think the two of you will get married
Obsessive Tweeting
uncontrollable laughter Our news interviewer, Maya Velez, has taken the matter into her own hands. She went to the victims of this horrible disease and their parents to find out how to help these poor teens. Maya is interviewing a victim of Bieber Fever, Ariana Foster, and her mother Melody Foster.
Maya: Melody, when was Ariana first exposed to Bieber Fever?

Melody: Well her friends came over with his first CD. She didn't leave her room for 3 weeks. We could hear the music radiating from her room, but we couldn't get her to leave until we bought her Justin Bieber tickets.

Ariana: Justin? Did you just say Justin? Have you seen him? Is he here? I knew her would come back to marry me Didn't I tell you mom? He is so cute I could eat him Did you see him??

Melody: This is how she is if we say his name in the house.

Maya: I wish you all the best, and hopefully a cure will find its way soo.
We also took 5 girls to a testing facility to see how quickly the infection can spread. We lock the girls in a closed room with 3 magazines with his picture in them, an iPod with his music inside, and one of them is already a die-hard Bieber Fever victim.
After 2 days, theinfection had spread to the others. His music was boucing off the walls and his pictures were covered in lipstick marks and his pull out poster was placed as a shrine on the ceiling. The girls sang his lyrics to it and cryed at his face. The average time for a teen girl to catch Bieber Fever is 4 days, sometimes sooner. Dr. Burnett tells us the specifics of Bieber Fever from a scientific view. Bieber Fever, or J2B2 virus, has rapidly become a epidemic since its first sightings in Ontario, Canada in 2007. Many of the people who are at risk are people, especially pre-teen and teenage girls, who have regualr exposure to infected teen girls near them. We have seen this type of case in the past, Beatlemania. Similar symptoms have arose in both of the viruses victims.

After first cases of the disease were noted, the disease became a worldwide pandemic in less than 2 years. It has reached America, Canada, Europe, Australia, New Zealand and other English speaking countries.

Due to the rapid rise of the disease, many doctors and scientist have been unable to find a cure. However, theyre is something in the natural defence in the Y-Chromosome that makes most males immune to the virus.
The cure is found Finally, the scientist have the answer. The cure was a natural one, no vaccinations needed. The cure was simple. Bieber Fever was cured, by Justin Bieber hitting puberty. JB hit puberty much later than other boys, so hit voice dramaticaly changed. His songs no longer made girls hearts melt, allowing for the other symptoms of Bieber Fever to fade away naturally. The pop stars time in the lime light ended making his public appearences, and Bieber Fever itself, to calm to a slow halt. No new cases of Bieber Fever has insuded, but some severe cases are being treated in mental facilities across the world.
Though the epidemic has ended, over 3 million Twitter cases and over 4 million teen girls csaes had been effected by the horrible disease.
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