Conversing with a Colleague

Have you ever been in a very awkward office?

Interaction, perhaps with a colleague or maybe even your boss.

This can happen in an elevator in the office after

hours. Sometimes we just can't think of anything to say

in this lesson.

We're going to consider three tips that will help you

make small talk with colleagues more easily.

But first, why a small talk with a colleague, sometimes

so scary?

There are a few reasons it could be that we

just don't know what to talk about.

One of the most difficult things about office interactions is

filling awkward silence.

Adding to the challenge is worrying about making mistakes or

not being able to express yourself clearly in English and

as an English learner.

Maybe you worry about navigating in a new cultural context.

So how can these concerns be overcome?

Our first tip is to be observant.

Focus on the other person.

Don't worry about your mistakes so much, or how smart

you sound, but simply be observant and interested in the

other person.

How do you decide what's appropriate to talk about in

the office?

If you've watched our small talk with a stranger lesson,

we listed some topics there that are not safe.

And many of those, of course, apply when you're speaking

to someone you know professionally.

So controversial topics and personal questions about family or health

are typically not great for the office.

Well, what ISS safe Phan?

Here's where being observant is important.

What do your colleagues like to do to eat or

speak about?

What kind of items do they have on their desk?

Perhaps a picture of family or a vacation?

Ah, coffee mug from their favorite movie.

Some plants are indications of a hobby.

If they haven't on display, they probably wouldn't mind if

they haven't on display.

They probably wouldn't mind if they have it on display.

They probably wouldn't mind talking about it.

So focus on what you see there, mind you.

Now, with many of us working from home, this can

present a new challenge.

There may not be much to go off off if

all you see is a head, shoulders and a blank

wall on Zoom.

But still, by being observant, you can get an indication

of the kind of things that your colleagues would be

happy to talk about and the kind of questions you

can ask.

So how can you strike up a conversation?

You could simply start by asking something like you could

simply start by using a phrase like I noticed that,

followed by your observation.

I noticed that beautiful vintage strung behind you, or I

couldn't help but notice I couldn't help but notice that

striking Greenwall.

Or if you see some signs of hobbies or passions,

you could say something like, I see you like or

I see you're into again, followed by the observation.

Now that you have your colleagues tension.

Now that you have your colleagues attention, how do you

keep the conversation going now that you have your colleagues

attention, how do you keep the conversation going?

This brings us to our second point after you make

an observation offer a compliment, followed by a question.

Compliments are a great way to establish and improve report

with a colleague.

But make sure your compliment is genuine and specific.

If a compliment is general and not followed up on

with a detail, for example, Oh, I like your shirt.

It could seem fake or disingenuous and actually discourage conversation

after giving a compliment on what you observed follow up

with a question, since this will allow your colleague to

be more expressive instead of just simply thanking you for

the compliment.

If we go back to our zoom call, we've already

observed the trunk.

So let's verbalize that again as a compliment and follow

with a question.

I noticed that beautiful vintage strung behind you.

Where did you find it?

Notice the observation, specific compliment and follow up.

Question. Let's take another example.

Imagine that your colleague has a picture on their wall.

What compliment could you offer?

And how could you follow up with a question?

Notice that in both examples, a sincere compliment is offered

and a follow up question is asked.

Ideally, as we've mentioned in previous lessons, it's best not

to ask yes or no questions, since these can quickly

end a conversation.

Better to ask those w h questions.

Who, what, when, where, why and how.

Now there's one word of caution you should remember when

giving a compliment.

Now there's one word of caution you should remember when

giving a compliment.

It's important to choose what we say carefully so as

not to give her colleague the wrong impression about her

intentions. In our warm of exercise, we had two examples

of compliments that were not appropriate.

The first you look absolutely stunning.

This could be inappropriate, since some might think that it's

overly familiar and focuses too much on physical appearance.

The second was, Did you come up with that presentation

all by yourself?

I'm impressed.

Why is this inappropriate?

Because it suggests that your colleague is incapable and that

you're surprised they did something.

Well, A compliment like this could be interpreted as something

we call a micro aggression, a small comment that hints

at hostility or even prejudice.

So avoid compliments that suggests you're surprised at your colleagues

achievements by including words like actually surprisingly or all by

yourself. Also, be careful that compliments aren't interpreted as hitting

on someone, an expression that means you're showing romantic interest

again. You can avoid somebody thinking that you're hitting on

them by being careful with your tone and avoiding compliments

that are too personal.

Before we go on to our third step, let's take

a quick look at how to make sure you can

Before we go into our third step.

Let's take a quick look at how you can make

sure your colleague feels listened to and that you are

interested. You can do this in two ways.

As they speak, Listen carefully.

And, as we discussed in a previous lesson, use speaker

support phrases while they're talking, such as Yeah, uh huh,

sure to encourage them to continue speaking and show that

you're interested in what they have to say.

Second, you can take the last part of what the

person said and repeat it or paraphrase it to show

you were listening.

This technique is called echoing or mirroring, and it's such

a simple way to show interest, especially when you can't

think of anything else interesting to contribute.

In that moment, let's look at an example of both

of these techniques, as demonstrated by one of the most

famous American talk show hosts.

Who did this really well, a woman named Oprah?

Did you catch how she used both speaker support phrases

and mirroring to encourage her speakers?

Finally, here's our third and final step.

Offer something or share something about yourself.

Sharing some detail about yourself shows that you're willing to

engage in further conversation, and it gives your colleague the

chance to ask you questions.

How can this be done effectively?

Well, just say something about yourself that's related to the

topic you're discussing, like how you feel about the subject

or perhaps a similar experience you had but most importantly,

be genuine.

So here's a quick review of our three step guide

to building Report.

When Converse ing with colleagues, be observant.

Let's go to another example here.

I noticed you go for a run every lunch hour.

Number two.

Give a genuine compliment and ask a follow up question

that takes a lot of determination.

How far do you run each day and step three.

Use the mirroring technique to repeat the last few words

of what they said and then share your experience.

Three miles a longest I've ever run was three miles,

but that certainly took me longer than it takes you.

Hopefully, you find these tips helpful in your next conversation

with a colleague.

Let's see if you can apply some of these strategies

and the role play exercise that follows

Conversing with a Colleague

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