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Conflict Resolution

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Think Tank

on 29 March 2013

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Transcript of Conflict Resolution

So I have a CONFLICT and all I need is RESOLUTION So that's okay Just keep in mind that Conflict happens and it's not always a bad thing. Great ideas can evolve from some terrible conflict. We all run into it and we all have to deal with it. It's just a matter of dealing with it in the right ways... So this is the very original Stickman Sam. He is sad because he is having terrible conflict with his supermodel wife Sticklady Sadie. We're going to watch Sam and Sadie go through a step by step conflict resolution. This is what's going on with Sam and Sadie: So Sadie has made some new friends at work. She loves going out with her new friends and feels great whenever she is around them. She hasn't really mentioned them in great detail to Sam because she didn't feel it was necessary. They've talked her into a new hairstyle and clothing, she really likes her new friends. But Sam has no idea. He thinks Sadie is lying about her new friends and has just been avoiding him since he got his brand new car. Sam has been trying to snoop through her things to see if he can get any dirt on what she's been doing but he hasn't found any evidence against her! CONFLICT STRIKES!! In the meantime: Sam has been looking for the courage to confront Sadie.Thinking about it is making him more and more angry because he begins making possible scenarios in his noggin. He finally comes to the conclusion that she does not care about him and is going to leave him soon. Sadie has no idea... Good thing she has good conflict resolution skills First step, Sam's confrontation: What is the best approach for Sam to use to confront Sadie about his issue? A. Freak out on her one day about something else, this way the argument is already started and he doesn't have to bring it up directly.

B. During breakfast one morning before work abruptly state his assumption shedding light on her lack of paying attention to him.

C. During downtime ask her if anything is the matter because he has noticed her absence lately.

D. Leave her before she leaves him. He should chose option C! Ask Sadie if anything is the matter on her end during downtime He chooses option B. During breakfast he tells her he thinks she's cheating on him But what do you suppose he does? PAUSE What was wrong with those other 3 options? A. Freak out on her one day about something else, this way the argument is already started and he doesn't have to bring it up directly.

B. During breakfast one morning before work abruptly state his assumption shedding light on her plan to leave

D. Leave her before she leaves him. Now Sam starts by an accusation: She takes note of his distress and says "Why do you think that?" This open ended question can get him talking and she can get an insight on his side of the story. Sam keeps talking...and talking...and talking... which turns into yelling Sadie listens This part of the conflict may be the most time consuming and may need the most patience. Why is listening intently such a vital part of the conflict resolution process? When you listen carefully you can potentially pinpoint what it is that is actually bothering them, especially if they are rambling.
Trying to cut them off could lead to arguments or frustrations.
Keep a level head, even if their accusation is false.
Understand that they are upset and may also just need room to vent. When Sam is finished venting to Sadie and she is frustrated at his misunderstanding. But it is important that she tries to figure out why he is feeling this way. "Yes, I see what you are saying and I think I understand why you feel that way." This could go one of two ways:
1. Sam will be relieved and ready to hear Sadie's point of view.
2. Sam will feel compelled to continue explaining his side of the story. Notice: 2. Conflict that isn't solved right away can result in some seriously frustrated/irrational thoughts. Take care of it first. Notice: Now might be a good time to mention that much conflict usually comes from bad communication in the first place. So talk it out. Since Sam didn't choose the best time to bring up the topic Sadie has to ask if they can talk about this conflict later. This way there is enough time to come to a conclusion. Time passes... The passing of
time isn't
a bad thing If an argument
becomes too
heated them a break
is a good thing. Trying to
resolve conflict
in too little of time might leave
loose ends. Even if both parties decide it is best to think about things a break
can be great. And we're back! So the argument starts up again.

Sadie brings it up and re-listens to everything Sam is feeling at the moment. She tries very hard to respect his concerns through his anger. Sadie finally comes to a conclusion Sadie admits that she could have been in the wrong by not telling him about these new people that were such a big part of her life and that she understands his frustration. This step is so important. Admit when you are wrong no matter how angry you may be at the person confronting you. Keep your cool and
lead by example. When she realizes that she has his attention she gives a brief explanation of what she has been doing during her absence. This is an explanation, not an excuse. Also, never EVER directly accuse the other party of being in the wrong. You want to do your best to make this a calm environment for everyone. And of course: Come up with a conclusion to the situation at hand.

This part could take up just as much time as the initial confrontation but it will be worth it. It is never a good idea to leave a conflict on the table and pretend it never happened without resolution. Expect to put effort into this part of the conflict. 10 Steps to Conflict Resolution 1. Know what it is that is bothering you

2. Don't wait to talk about your issues

3. Find a private, neutral place to talk

4. Be aware of your actions during the conflict resolution

5. Share how you feel about the situation with one another

6. Identify the issue with the other party

7. Actively listen to one another about pressing issues

8. Find a solution

9. Agree on the plan

10. Carry through http://adulted.about.com/od/training/tp/conflictresolution.htm Tips and Reminders: Just because you know how to handle conflict doesn't mean the other party will. Patience.
If anything is getting uncomfortable stop the meeting immediately and return to it once things have cooled down.
Conflict solves things if done correctly.
Many people don't enjoy conflict so make the process as painless as you possibly can.
Admit when you are wrong. It's not very likely that someone will go around making fun of you for a defeat you came to the realization about on your own. http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/resolving-conflicts-quickly-and-peacefully/ http://www.squidoo.com/goodconflict 10 Steps to Conflict Resolution We're going to cover: 1. Figure out what it is that is bothering you 2. Talk about your issues as soon as possible 3. Chose the right place and time 4. Be aware of your actions 5. Share your feelings of the situation in a calm way 6. Identify the issue you are experiencing with the other party 7. Actively listen to the other party 8. Figure out a solution 9. Agree on the plan 10. Seriously, carry through SUMMARY First we will look at an overview of an approach to conflict resolution
Then we will go through a silly scenario
Last we will talk about a few tips to keep in mind with trying to solve problems 1. This is what
is bothering
Sam 3. You need to choose the right place and time. Consider possible time constraints 4. Yelling just looks really bad. Don't lose your cool unless you just want to scare the opposite party into submission...and that's not good. 5. Just handling
a situation
calmly can help 6. Sadie tries
to successfully
identify 7. Active listening makes a proactive conflict resolver. 5. Back to five! The right way, calmly and respectable Figure out a solution Agree on a conclusion And if you follow though, you'll have a resolution ;) And just for a recap: Just because it's cute
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