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Transcript of 1920s Newspaper
The Twerrible Times is not liable for anything that happens to you while reading this newspaper. If you choose to do something stupid, live with it.
As if world peace was that easy...
Need to spend a little extra cash?
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I am not sure about the universe.
The idiots of America have officially decided that we are not spending enough money. As such, they decided that they should make people pay money, your hard earned cash, to watch other people pretend they are still children. Unfortunately Americans are still kids at heart and bought into this ridiculous scam. Baseball, boxing, golf (golf, really?), and college football have all taken off in the last decade with some crowds having spent over a million dollars collectively to come watch a ridiculous game or match. Apparently there aren't any other ways money like that could be spent. Nope. Nada. Ziltz. Yay for the American consumer. ON the bright side, we now have famous people like Babe Ruth, a baseball player, and Jack Dempsey, a boxer, who are role models to our children, instead of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. Or even their parents. Nothing can wrong, nothing at all.
So, after WWI basically wrecked Europe, everybody wanted to keep things cool and peaceful. Like, what a pipe dream, huh? But at least people tried, and French Minister of Foreign Affairs, Aristide Briand proposed joining up with the US. Secretary of State Frank B. Kellogg was super up for it, but didn't want it to seem like another alliance system in the making so he invited the rest of the world to get in on this peace stuff. 15 nations signed the pact and Kellogg won the Nobel Peace Prize for his work in 1929. Probs not gona end well, just saying.
Monday, March 30, 1929
The 20s are ending soon
A Look Back....
Men aren't the only ones crazy anymore
The Females Have Gone Wild
We here at The Twerrible Times have decided that today we shall look back at all the "lovely" things that have happened during the decade that some are calling the Roaring 20s. Ha. They are hilarious. Yes we know it is only March, but if tomorrow was your last day, you luckily have the great opportunity today to reflect upon what has happened in your life during the last decade, and realize that life really actually did suck. You are welcome.
The Staff of the The Twerrible Times
Editors: Parker C-money & O-dawg Laris
A Daily Newspaper of the Worst Things Happening Around You - By Pessimists for Pessimists
Teapot Dome Scandal
Cuckoo's in the Cabinet
Replacing the Dead Guy
Election of 1924
With the incumbent president Harding dead, Democrats and Republicans rushed to fill his scandalous shoes and hopefully fix or address the corruption sweeping the nation. Sent forth from the Republicans was Calvin Coolidge, for the Democrats John Davis and for the Progressives, Robert La Follette. Both Davis and Coolidge ran conservatively whereas La Follette was liberal, and in the end, the nation tipped towards the dry and moral Coolidge. Pretty "cool" eh? He won the vote easily, with 382 electoral votes to Davis's 136, and La Follette's paltry 13. Not even close.
The failing of the American Justice System
Don't trust the jury
- Albert Einstein -
Quote of the Day
Breaking News: Bad Stuff Still Happens
And the political cartoons of the past are still relevant
Carey Orr, "Bullet Proof," April 29, 1926
Alcohol BANNED, sorta
alcohol is still around. The 18th Amendment ratified in 1919 officially began Prohibition and was actually quite popular in the South and West parts of the United States and the majority of Americans approved of it when it was ratified. But, those select few back East. Couldn't let go of that lovely liquor. Darn them. Instead of alcohol having been wiped out in the country, it seems like it is spreading. Thousands of "speakeasies", or secret bars and clubs, are everywhere. Literally every single town has one. It’s like America can't make up its mind. Some scream, "Down with alcohol!" Others, "Give me my booze!" and then collapse because they are drunk idiots. Men are drinking, obviously, but also many women and even young people! Either repeal prohibition, which half the people that want it gone have no idea how hard that really is, or just suck it up and stop drinking. Sheesh.
It's been 10 years and...
Let's get jazzy
The Flyin' Fool
Charles A. Lindbergh was born in 1902. Becoming a stunt flyer, Lindbergh became the first person in the world to fly across the Atlantic Ocean from the United States to Europe in 1927. Taking a total of thirty-three hours and thirty-nine minutes, Lindbergh piloted his small one engine plane named the Spirit of St. Louis from New York to Paris, France. Lindbergh thenceforth became known as "Lucky Lindy". Beyond gaining the prize money of $25,000, Lindbergh (continued above)
became a goodwill ambassador for the United States, and in fact found his wife Anne Morrow on one such trip to Latin America. Lindbergh's achievement and continued successes did much to help popularize the airplane and thought of flying with Americans, soon becoming another gateway of travel for Americans.
As the roaring 20's continued, African American culture exploded, stemming from NYC's Harlem. There, black artists and writers, musicians and poets, practiced their craft and developed a distinct culture to the sound of jazz and blues. Louis Armstrong, the jazziest of the jazzy, moved jazz around the world and made it the first authentically American music. His fellow musician, Duke Ellington was just as influential, if not more, and is considered America's greatest composer due to the extent of his work, both in terms of how many works he created and how diverse his music tastes were. American cultural diversity began to break from the anglo-puritanical norms of old (that was no fun anyways) and got more in tune with the rhythyms of fun and excitement.
Well, the American Justice System has finally failed. Or once again failed. Prejudiced judges and juries only focused upon their own self-interest. Not caring about others. This was seen in the case of Nicola Sacco and Bartolomeo Vanzetti. Sacco and Vanzetti were arraigned and convicted of the murdering a paymaster and guard in 1921. The case then dragged on for six whole years until both were electrocuted. Indeed they did kill two men, but they were behind the power curve from the start being from Italy, atheists, and several other things that are un-American swaying the jury and judge against them. They could’ve only gone to prison but instead they were killed. Some may say that this is not a big deal. But what if a town rivalry begins and juries and then swayed by what town the defendant is from? What if because one lives on the rich streets of Harding or James that they automatically are guilty? The very idea of an unbiased jury is being undermined by such prejudices. Our advice: don’t do illegal things, and if you do, don’t get caught. Courts aren’t protection from injustice anymore, they could be a source of injustice.
No longer are women the same. The model housewife has completely disappeared, and the world may just fall to pieces because of it. Women are now working instead of raising children, and Margaret Sanger has organized a birth-control movement! Modesty, what a concept. The ever present “flapper”, a symbol of freedom, is as popular as ever. Better hide young boys’ eyes, because a teenage boy and an immodest girl see each other, oh we got ourselves trouble. The traditional ways have been thrown off a cliff and then set on fire! What is the world coming to? Save yourself, save your family, save your cow, save the dog, save everybody you can because the old ways have been overturned this last decade. Unless you like the change. In that case, go dance to the jazzy music at your local speakeasies.
League or no League? That is the question.
The Election of 1920
The Election of 1920 essentially began the status quo for the rest of the decade. Resting partially upon what would happen on the League of Nations, Warren G. Harding, a Republican, and James M. Cox, a Democrat, campaigned for the presidency. Harding became your average politician, issuing crap statements that made no sense as they continually contradicted one another. Cox on the other hand became the Democratic Party’s mouthpiece, spewing propaganda supporting the League of Nations. Essentially, neither candidate was ideal, at all. In the end, Harding won the presidency with 404 electoral votes to Cox's 127. The League of Nations hasn't been joined, the country has lapsed back into normalcy, and Republicans have dominated the White House ever since. And well, crap has gone down, but crap goes down with whoever is in the White House so people should just get over it and accept the fact that politicians are not always the greatest people in the world and scandals occur. Accept it and move on.
Hollywood gets poppin'
Rise of the Cinema
As if people weren't getting crazy enough, along came the libelous and seductive power of Hollywood. The fresh new artistic movements of the 1920's started to pool into the art form of the movie - but this was pretty boring, black and white soundless video. When sound and color burst in on the scene - WOW! What an uproar. People were lining up to see their favorite actresses and actors, from Douglas Fairbanks to Mary Pickford. What a time! Flappers on screen? Movies on new cultural norms? Oh my, life is getting great.
Scandalous! Albert B. Fall, serving as Secretary of the Interior, is dicovered to have accepted a bribe in exchange for granting an oil company a lease for oil-rich land. It was the first major act of corruption in the federal government and the corruption rocked the US government and public opinion! But these were the 1920's and everything was getting crazy. Eventually, Fall was slammed with a 100,000 dollar fine and sentenced to one year in prison. How's that for justice?
Thank you Henry Ford for killing individuality with the assembly line perfected by the millions of Model T your company has produced. Now by no means, NO MEANS AT ALL, are we saying the automobile is bad. It is great, besides the fact that it can be unreliable at times and always has the possibility of blowing up and killing everyone inside of it, but that is beside the point. Assembly lines are the death of individuality. Notice something about all the Model T’s? They all look the same. The only way to tell them apart is if someone decided to take theirs through a swamp (which we advise you to not do). How can one express themselves when everything looks the same? Now at least you have released the Model A. Choices at last.
How the assembly line is killing individuality
Electromagnetic plague of sound
Now coming straight through the very oxygen you breathe - Music! Sports! News! Entertainment! What could better than the radio? Communications technology first pioneered in the war began to make its way into the home (all good inventions come from war, after all) and people across America were ecstatic. All that jazz and blues music people wanted could be heard basically whenever, so all the guilty pleasures of heading to the secret music club could be recreated in your very living room! Neat stuff, eh? Eventually, corporations figured out radio was the next big thing and scrambled to get in on it, paying thousands of dollars for airtime. The first broadcast was in 1920, announcing the win of Harding as President. And the rest, well the rest is just history now. Radio is everywhere, in your home, in your neighbor's home, in your boss's home, in your mistresses' home, in your second mistresses' home, in your third mistresses' home, you get the idea. Lots and lots of unabashed, hot and sweaty radio waves! Ah. What an invention.
The Rise of Crime
Ah Prohibition - what a spectacular failure. With the country reeling from the loss of the beloved social lubricant, criminals saw their chance to fill an empty market with their own take on economics. One of the most notorious new businessmen of the era was Al Capone, an aspiring kingpin who ruled the bootlegging industry of Chicago with an iron fist. His command of the city was ruthless and bloody, crushing competition with tommy guns and baseball bats. Of course, we all know why he did it, though. It wasn't the money, or the respect, or the rush of it all. No - it was because girls love bad boys. That's all there is to it. Except that even came back to haunt him because he contracted syphilis at some point. Whatever though, he was still a millionaire with his name known and written in the fear of thousands. As public enemy number one, Capone ran a tight ship, running on cash and the blood of his enemies. Hoo-rah.
Perfect Girls are Criminals
The Twerrible Times
Literary and Artistic Influences
People actually like writing?
Doesn't Give A Crap If You Read This Newspaper Or Not
At the very heart of the cultural changes sweeping America were the writers and artists who injected their ideas into the mainstream through books and paintings galore. The post war trauma was captured in Ernest Hemingway's troubling novels
A Farewell to Arms
The Sun Also Rises
. Their expression of a dark and numb experience at war and the continuation of life at home was incredibly touching and profound. Indeed, other writers found similar themes in their works, and T.S. Eliot's poem "The Wasteland" evokes senses of deathly beauty and the aesthetic cruelty of life upon life, earth upon earth. With this existentialist search for meaning and processing of tragedy, the American consciousness emerged, perfectly captured in paintings such as Edward Hopper's
, depicting the typical cafe as an intersection of dark and light, of late-night mysteries and empty streets full of future dreams. In this search for beauty and meaning, the bohemian counterculturalists, seekers of truth through art and creation, spread and took hold of the country with their unconventional "take it as it comes" lifestyle, replete with color and excitement. It was an age of booming lifestyle and developing ideas, a time when maturity was just looming on the horizon.
Invented by bicycle repairmen? Really?
The Flying Machine
After thousands of years, man has finally achieved flight. But it wasn’t by the great thinkers of the past or today. It was by two bicycle repairman. Umm, it just doesn’t sound safe. Bicycles = Airplane. That math just doesn’t seem to work, but apparently it does since there are airplanes flying people around and airmail. However, it seems as if these flying wonders may cause the demise of us. Borders are shrinking. The United States is now closer than ever to ever warring Europe. Will we be able to stay out of wars, or will the fights finally be brought to us by the airplane?