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Intro to Conflict Styles

Five styles of conflict in sixteen frames
by

Ron Kraybill

on 6 May 2017

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Transcript of Intro to Conflict Styles

Introduction to
Copyright 2011, 2017
www.RiverhouseEpress.com
Two factors strongly shape

our response to conflict:
How hard do we push for the things we want, our agenda?
Focus on own agenda
Focus on own agenda
How much attention do we give to the relationship?
Focus on own agenda

HIGH
LOW

Focus on own agenda
HIGH
LOW
and...
Relationship

focus on
relationship
focus on
relationship
High
Assertiveness

Each the result of what we focus on;
Each great at some things and not so good at others.

Focus on
Relationship
HIGH
LOW
Focus on own Agenda
HIGH
Focus on own Agenda
LOW

Focus on
Relationship
Relationship
vs.
Own Agenda

Our response in conflict depends on what we focus on.
There are 5 different possibilities or....

HIGH
LOW
HIGH
LOW
Focus on Relationship
Focus on own Agenda
Focus on own Agenda
Focus on
Relationship
HIGH
LOW
High focus on own agenda
Low focus on relationship

I win/you lose.

Strategies
Assert, control, compete.
Insist, demand, defeat.
LOW
Focus on own agenda
Focus on
Relationship
HIGH
LOW
High focus on own agenda
Low focus on relationship

I win/you lose.

Strategies
Assert, control, compete.
Insist, demand, defeat.
Focus on own agenda
Focus on
Relationship
HIGH
LOW
Focus on own Agenda
HIGH
Focus on own Agenda
LOW
Focus on
Relationship
HIGH
Focus on own Agenda
LOW
Focus on
Relationship
Focus on
Relationship
HIGH
LOW
High focus on own agenda
Low focus on relationship

I win/you lose.

Strategies
Assert, control, compete.
Insist, demand, defeat.
Focus on own agenda
Focus on own agenda: Low
Focus on relationship: High
I lose/you win.

Agree, go along,
give in, affirm.
Focus on
Own Agenda
LOW
Focus on own agenda: Low
Focus on relationship: Low

I lose/you lose.
Strategies: Withdraw,
remain silent, walk away,
postpone discussion, delay.
Let me out of here!

I don’t want to talk about it…

Conflict? What conflict?


We’re doing it my way...


Just get the job done (and worry about the relationship later...)
Focus on
Relationship
HIGH
HIGH
Focus on own agenda
Focus on
Relationship
HIGH
LOW
High focus on own agenda
Low focus on relationship

I win/you lose.

Strategies
Assert, control, compete.
Insist, demand, defeat.
Focus on own agenda


We’re doing it my way...

Just get the job done (and worry about the relationship later...)
Five Styles
of
Responding to Conflict

Focus on own agenda: High
Focus on relationship: High

I win/you win.

How? Dialogue. Agree to talk things through. Assert self and support the other.
Let’s talk this through.
My preference is...
And I want to hear and understand yours.



LOW
Focus on own agenda: Low
Focus on relationship: Low

I lose/you lose.
Strategies: Withdraw,
remain silent, walk away,
postpone discussion, delay.
Let me out of here…!

I don’t want to talk about it…

Conflict? What conflict?
Sure, I’m flexible.

Whatever you’re happy with is fine with me....

Conflict is easier when you are good at all five styles.



Each style is a valuable tool, essential for particular situations all of us face.

We handle conflict better when we are skilled in all five. Then we can choose the response most likely to bring a good outcome.

Learn the strengths and limitations of each style. Grow by experimenting with greater use of styles you use least.

Online tutorial and other resources at
www.RiverhouseEpress.com
Conflict Styles
Low
Focus on Relationship
Medium focus on own agenda
Medium focus on relationship

We both win some/We both lose some.

Bargain, strike a deal, find a little something for everyone.
When the only tool you have is a hammer...
....everything you see is a nail.
Mark Twain

Choose your response in conflict.
When the heat goes up
You don't have to react in the same old way.
You can
Copyright Ron Kraybill 2011, 2017
and move on…
Focus on
Relationship
If we each back off and accept half of what we want, we can get an agreement
Full transcript