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Transcript of Suicide Notes
Michael Thomas Ford
"We Are Broken"
"Under the Water"
The Pretty Reckless
...people kill the things they're afraid of...
...once you forget how much something hurt, you end up doing it again.
"..'Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored?
Give us life again
'Cause we just wanna be whole.."
"..And under red lights I'll show myself it wasn't forged We're at war, we live like this.."
"..Lay my head, under the water
Excuse me sir, am I your daughter?
Won't you take me back, take me back and see?.."
"..Don't let the water drag you down
Don't let me drown, don't let me drown in the waves, oh I could be found, I could be one who is saved.."
"..And when I wake from this dream, with chains all around me
No, I've never been, I've never been free.."
"..Broken lines, across my mirror
Show my face, all red and bruised
No I wasn't saved, I wasn't saved from me.."
"..See, I'm trying to find my place but it might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes
And run from them, from them with no direction
Run from them, from them with no conviction.."
"..And we just go in circles
But now I'm told that this life
And pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it.."
"..And there's no one role
We should not be the same
But I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me
They echo me in circles.."
"..Oh, you are not useless
We are just misguided ghosts traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most pushed us far away.."
"..Someone care to classify A broken heart and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on
And run to them, to them full speed ahead.."
"..Lock the doors
'Cause I'd like to capture this voice that came to me tonight
So everyone will have a choice.."
This song describes the fact that all the teenagers in the hospital, including Jeff, are crazy and broken emotionally. They are there to have hope in life. Their innocence is gone and forgotten. The innocence of Martha (only 12 years old) watched her father shoot her mother and then himself. Jeff finds himself confused and broken at the fact that he is homosexual.
This song perfectly describes the relationship between Jeff and Sadie (a girl he met at the hospital); and also her internal struggle. Sadie tried to drown herself because of her father's lack of attention. Sadie ends up committing suicide by overdosing on pills, which Jeff assumes it was because he is homosexual. Jeff has a dream where Sadie tries to drown him with her but he lets go.
Jeff's internal struggle is described by this song. He's lost and confused at what he does. When he first kissed his best friend Allie's boyfriend, he felt disgusted with himself. Allie stopped talking to him, which was a person he trusted. With the things that happened between Jeff and Rankin, Jeff admitted to be gay and tried to commit suicide because of it.
Ford uses similes to describe the main character's feelings. It helps to give a little dark humor to the novel. It also gives the readers a different perspective and feel about the character's reaction towards their specific actions; especially when it comes to the main character being the narrator.
"...the air is filled with all kinds of pollutants and chemicals and junk that we put into it. Then we spray other crap around to try and make it smell better, like the whole planet is someone's old car and we've hung this big pine-scented air freshener from the rear view mirror." - Pg. 1
"I feel like a tourist attraction. I bet Nurse Goody is standing outside the door selling tickets, like those guys at carnivals who try to get people to pay to see the freak show." - Pg. 3
"That's where i am right now, floating in the ocean like a piece of junk and trying not to throw up every time i breathe." - Pg. 2
These similes show how Jeff feels about himself. The comparison to a piece of junk, tourist attraction, and a freak show that he is disgusted with himself and feels worthless. He also feels like the earth is filled with fake odors, the real one is hidden to us.
The most important conflict that gave the novel a turn was the kind of relationship Jeff had with Rankin, the only boy that entered the hospital after Bone left. Ranking had sexual actions with Jeff. Jeff didn't believe he was having sexual contact with him. In the end, after that situation Ranking got transferred out and Jeff finally accepted he was gay. The conflict with Ranking gave Jeff a different perspective on his sexuality. He realized it's okay to be different; which is what the author was trying to convey.
The author used conflict to develop his message about how some teens deal with harsh life situations; focusing mostly on a teenage boy struggling with the fact that he is homosexual. Suicide is also on of the main conflict discussed by Ford.
One of the first conflicts Jeff had was with his best friend Allie and her boyfriend Burke. Jeff realized that he felt something for him. When he kissed Burke, Jeff felt disgusted with himself. Allie stopped talking to Jeff because of what he did. Burke wasn't gay. Jeff tried to commit suicide because he felt disgusted being gay.
Another conflict Jeff had was with Sadie. They both had the similarity of being suicidal. Sadie enjoyed spending time with Jeff in the hospital, but she didn't know he was gay. Jeff went to Sadie's room but couldn't do what she wanted him to do. At first this wouldn't make sense to the reader, but it foreshadows something important to the development of the message of the novel.