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Nontraditional Relationships

Ask vhorvath16@wooster.edu before distributing!
by

Victoria (Tori) Horvath

on 18 March 2013

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Transcript of Nontraditional Relationships

Environment Influences Consent

Relationship Me Person Person Person Person Person Person My identity, feelings, personality, drives, intellect, expression Their identity, feelings, personality, drives, intellect, expression My Attractions Sexual Emotional Physical Intellectual Sensual Romantic Spiritual Asexuals (aces) feel little to no sexual attraction to others.

Demisexuals only feel sexual attraction when a strong emotional connection is formed.

Grey-A/Gray-Asexuals feel little attraction to others, or are attracted to only few people, or they could identify because they have low sex drives. Where you are: environment, time, society, etc. How you got there: society,
economy, values, beliefs, etc. Relationships that include strong emotional attractions can include: family, crushes, friends, people you care about Relationships with strong intellectual attraction can include: professors, inventors, writers, speakers, politicians, etc. Having an intellectual attraction can mean that you like their ideas, what they say, their intellect, etc. Having an emotional attraction can mean that you care about another person, you want their happiness, etc. Having a physical attraction to someone can mean that your heart may beat faster, you are physically aroused by them, you blush, etc. Relationships that include strong physical attractions can include: models, actors, crushes, partners, etc. Having a sensual attraction can mean that you have a sensory relationship, you like to cuddle, you like touching (not always sexual), you spoon, etc. Relationships that include strong sensual attraction can include: partners, snuggle buddies, etc. Having a spiritual attraction can mean that you
felt like it was love at first sight, you were soul mates, you connect
through your religion or beliefs, etc. Relationships with strong spiritual attraction can include: your god(s), pastors, religious figures, meditation partners, partners, etc. Having a sexual attraction can mean that you find someone arousing, you have a sexual relationship, you have (consensual!) sex, etc. Their Attractions Their Actions Relationships with strong sexual attraction can include: partners, "friends with benefits", one night stands, etc. Having a romantic attraction means something different to each person, it can mean that you love someone outside of normal friendship, you care for their well-being more than or just as much as your own, etc. Relationships with strong romantic attraction can include: married couples, long-time partners, young lovers, etc. Asexual Emotional Physical Sensual Intellectual Spiritual Personality Sexual Romantic For support and information I recommend:
www.asexuality.org & www.tumblr.com This presentation was created by students from the College of Wooster's LBGTQA+ club "Spectrum"

Contact us, we love to answer questions and to talk!
Tori Horvath (chart + asexuality) vhorvath16@wooster.edu
Lily Vela (aromanticism) lvela16@wooster.edu
Justin Kalinay (nonmonogamy) jkalinay13@wooster.edu

Please contact vhorvath16@wooster.edu if you want to use these materials or information for distribution.

For College of Wooster students:
Spectrum meets on Sundays at 5pm in Babcock formal lounge.
Spectrum dinners are Tuesdays at 6pm in Lowry 247.
Support Group is on Thursdays at 8pm at Troyer House. My Actions Problems asexuals face:
-Rape
* After coming out, or perceived indifference, Asexuals are often raped to "prove they like sex"??
-Celibacy?
*Asexuality is not celibacy. Celibacy is a choice NOT TO ACT on attractions. Asexuality is not having attractions.
-"become asexual"
*People ask how asexuals became that way (ex. "did you get raped?" "you just had bad sex"). This is not usually the case, but you should never say these things.
*Also, you cannot decide to become asexual (ex. "Ugh, I hate girls and I hate boys, I'll just be an asexual") Aromantic Person Nonmonogamy – Umbrella term for holding one or more relationships at a time. These relationships can be any combination of sexual and/or romantic and can be made up of a wide variety of different actions and perspectives. Partnered Nonmonogamy – A nonmonogamous relationship built around one “primary” relationship.

“Primary” partners allow flexibility for “secondary” relationships with others but centering themselves on their particular relationship.

“Primary” partners may engage in “secondary” relationships with others separately or together Primary Partners – A couple which has a definitive “relationship.” They spend more time with each other than any one of their secondaries. A primary partner is someone with whom you tend to find yourself making long-term plans.

Secondary Partners – A pairing which may have only one or two facets (BDSM; cuddling; topping in sex, short-term dates, etc.). Secondary partnerships tend to be more liminal, narrower in focus, and may be maintained with multiple individuals. Swinging – One of the first organized forms of nonmonogamy and one of the most known forms.

Generally involves two or more couples or a couple and a third getting together at a swinging party (at a club, a personal home, a cruise, etc.) and engaging in social and/or sexual activities.

These couplings generally do not follow individual couples or individuals home and the swinging subculture has historically stigmatized gay men from participating. Polyamory – The ability to hold one or more “significant” relationships.

Poyamourous relationships involve multiple partners who are closer to the “primary” partner description than the “secondary” partner description, though many polyamourous arrangements will end with a chosen “primary” and one or more “secondaries.”

The key, however, is love and affection, over something based more on sex, social interactions, or BDSM/kink play.

All partners know of each other, whether or not they choose to be particularly close to one another. Polyfidelity – A group of three or more individuals who share a deep bond and do not explore partnerships outside their own group. All partners are treated equally, though this love may or may not be expressed sexually.

Solo Polyamory – An individual who holds numerous relationships at one time but does not have any one primary partner.
Compersion- The antithesis of jealousy; taking pleasure from seeing other people happy. Not to be confused with getting off on a partner’s sexual escapades. Reasons why people enter Nonmonogamous relationships:
-Desire for different forms of sexual intercourse
-BDSM partners (not necessarily sexual)
-If one travels frequently, having someone or someones to warm your bed at night (emotional or sexual)
-Allowing extreme intimacy between friends
– expression of love without the ties of a relationship
-A strong sense of compersion
-Part of a mixed-orientation relationship or marriage
-Understanding that interactions between people are never quite the
same and that one is capable of realizing different levels and forms of
love.
-Understanding that lust and horniness (to varying degrees) is part of
being human and freeing one’s self of the cultural/social sanctions
against more than one sexual partner, one night stands, etc.
-Understanding that it is ok to break away from cultural paradigms and try
something new. “An it harm none, do what ye will” (Wiccan Rede). Common Misconceptions:
-That Poly people are afraid of commitment
-That Poly people are sexually promiscuous (more than most)
-That being Poly is just a phase – messing around until you find the “right” one
-That Poly people are unable to love someone
-That Poly people are dishonest, incapable of remaining loyal to their partner(s)
-That multiple relationships are not actually sustainable
-That Poly parents is an unsafe environment for raising children
-That Monogamy is the only way to have a safe, healthy, fulfilling relationship
-Make connections with above misconceptions and the greater LGBTQ movement/culture Resources:

The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures

Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

Openingup.net 
-Blog
-Open List of professionals knowledgeable about alternative sexuality and lifestyles
-Resource guide
-Books
-International, national and state organizations
-Free docs.
• “Creating Authentic Relationships”
• “Open Relationship Checklist:
• “Reflecting on Change”
• “Self Evaluation” Personality Relationships that include strong personality attractions can include: friends, partners, crushes, acquaintances, etc. Having a attraction to someone's personality can mean that you like that they are friendly, independent, fun, etc. Asexual Sexual Aromantic- a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others. They feel no emotional need to be with another person in a romantic relationship, and no instinctual desire to establish romantic attachments.

-Are often satisfied with friendships and other platonic relationships.
-This is considered innate and NOT a choice or a result of unsuccessful dating experiences.
-Do not lack personal/emotional connections, not always loners.
-DO need as much empathetic support as romantics, which can be fulfilled platonically.
-May choose to be involved in a devoted relationship/s, even those of a romantic nature.
-People anywhere on the sexual spectrum can be aromantic. Romantic Orientations-
-Demiromantic: a person who does not experience romantic attraction until a close emotional bond has been forged.
-Grey-romantic: a person who does not experience romantic attraction very often, or otherwise feels between a romantic and an aromantic on the romantic scale.-Lithromantic: a person who experiences romantic love but does not want their feelings to be reciprocated.-WTFromantic: a person on the aromantic spectrum who doesn’t see the lines between romance and friendship. Any of the following may also apply: cannot define romantic attraction and therefore do not know whether they experience it, have emotions between platonic and romantic attraction, or want to be in a queerplatonic relationship Common Aromantic Relationships-
Queerplatonic relationship- a relationship that is not romantic but involves a close emotional connection beyond what most people consider friendship. The commitment level in a queerplatonic relationship is often considered to be similar to that of a romantic relationship. People in a queerplatonic relationship may be of any romantic or sexual orientation.
Zucchini- a term used to refer to a partner in a queerplatonic relationship. Roughly equivalent to the terms boyfriend/girlfriend for a romantic relationship.
Squish- a desire to spend time with someone specifically and get to know them personally, sans romantic feelings. A platonic crush.
Best friend (with benefits)- An intimate and emotional connection with few commitments but may include benefits like cuddling, kissing, openness, emotional and mental support and sex. Aromantic Struggles-
Emotional or verbal abuse from romantic partners/family/friends who do not accept your orientation. Partners may pressure you to express romantic feelings/participate in romantic behavior.
Sexual aromantics may be considered promiscious or comittment-phobes for desire sex without romantic connections. May be described as sociopathic, or lacking emotion.
The media is full of romantic ideals and pressure. 25% of all novels published last year were romance novels.
Aromanticism is never talked about. Aromantics are very likely to not know why they lack these romantic feelings, to think that it is not normal or healthy and to think they are “broken” and will never find fulfilling relationships. Information provided by: http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Main_Page An asexual man walks into a bar and sits at a table. He is approached by a busty sexual woman to whom he converses about cake for five minutes. She leaves after assuming he’s gay and he continues to wait. A handsome, shirtless sexual male sits down next and they converse about the quality of the dancing (poor, drunken and sad), the sexual male attempts to flirt with the asexual but was rebuffed by the oblivious asexual who had no idea what was going on. The sexual male then left after assuming the asexual was straight. The bartender came to him next, having seen the previous two attempts fail, and asked who he was waiting for after assuming that the asexual was here for a meeting. The asexual replied, “My one true love,” to which the bartender responded, “Who is that?”
The asexual replied, “Me,” and promptly split in two. The now two asexual males then frolicked into the sunset.
(from tumblr) -Hormones
*Do not ask if they had their hormones checked. This is personal and inappropriate.
-Freud
*Unlike Freud thinks-not everything revolves around sex. People have very good relationships without sex.
-Sexual partners
*Having relationships between sexual and asexual people can be difficult.
*Sometimes asexuals have sex because their partner wants it and they feel obligated. This can often lead to domestic rape.
*However, some asexuals enjoy giving their partner pleasure without receiving sexual pleasure. Trigger Warning!
We will discuss sensitive topics,
like rape. Please take care of yourself!
Full transcript