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Friends With Benefits

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Chrissy Senior

on 26 November 2012

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Transcript of Friends With Benefits

Friends With Benefits By: Chrissy Senior Definition of FWBR “Combining the psychological intimacy of a friendship with the physical intimacy of a romantic relationship, while avoiding the ‘romantic’ label.” (Kelly, et. al, 2010) “Sexual relationships between two individuals
who are friends, though they are not
emotional intimate or committed to one another.” (Merriam-Pigg, 2012) "Negotiating a FWBR"
an empirical research study 10 Commandments of FWBRs Thou shalt talk about other
sexual encounters/dates openly Thou shalt make terms
crystal clear Thou shalt not use FWB as a
means to an end Thou shalt cuddle with
caution Thou shalt keep the friends
and benefits separate Thou shalt not stay for
breakfast Thou shalt embrace
fluctuation Thou shalt bear no new
expectations Thou shalt be discerning in
which
friends you tell Thou shalt be interested
in other
people - Puentes, et al., 2008
Surveys on college campuses

-Lack of exclusivity, commitment, desire for a romantic relationship and emotional attachment

-Casual daters, capable of having sex without love

-Bartholomew’s Dismissive-Avoidant attachment style
-Avoid emotional intimacy
-Desire independence, deny need of close relationships

-Ludus love style
-“game-playing” love
-Enjoy sex without deep involvement

-Limited communication
-Status of relationship, where it is going

-Hedonism as primary value
The idea that pleasure is the only intrinsic good Characteristics of FWBRs -Frequency of sex
-Hooking up = one encounter

-Type of Partner
-Hooking up: friend, stranger, friend of a friend
-FWBR: only between two friends

-Type of Sexual Behavior
-FWBR: more genital sexual behaviors
-FWBR: more affectionate sexual behaviors FWBR vs. “Hooking Up” - Puentes, et al., 2008
Surveys on college campuses

-Lack of exclusivity, commitment, desire for a romantic relationship and emotional attachment

-Casual daters, capable of having sex without love

-Bartholomew’s Dismissive-Avoidant attachment style
-Avoid emotional intimacy
-Desire independence, deny need of close relationships

-Ludus love style
-“game-playing” love
-Enjoy sex without deep involvement

-Limited communication
-Status of relationship, where it is going

-Hedonism as primary value
The idea that pleasure is the only intrinsic good Characteristics of FWBRs -Frequency of sex
-Hooking up = one encounter
-Type of Partner
-Hooking up: friend, stranger, friend of a friend
-FWBR: only between two friends
-Type of Sexual Behavior
-FWBR: more genital sexual behaviors
-FWBR: more affectionate sexual behaviors FWBR vs. “Hooking Up” -Easy and convenient
-Friendship already exists, feel comfortable
-Single and have needs
-Can terminate easily to replace with emotional relationship
-“It was quite simply friends who occasionally took their clothes off.”
-“It’s just a natural extension of our friendship.”

-End a stereotype
-Can keep independence in tact, life doesn’t have to change
-Casual sex without responsibilities of relationship

-Build confidence
-The less inhibited you are, the better sex you will have

-Less pressure
-“In college it was nice to have fun with whoever I wanted to. There were never any ‘have to’s,’ only ‘want to’s,’ and that is something I wish I had more often in typical relationships.”

-Chance for love
-Purely sexual relationships don’t take away potential for a romantic relationship
-Both must be committed
-Can begin long term bond without the pressure Advantages of FWBR (Fishman & McCrary, 2012) -No cultural scripts for behavior guidelines of FWBR to follow

-Risk for STI acquisition is likely to be high (Vanderdrift et al., 2012)
-May lead people to believe partner is not a risk to their health, don’t use condoms

-Bad communication
-About relationship, it’s “label,” or how to make it work
-Lack of relational communication makes relationship maintenance difficult

-Risk of ruining friendship (Bleske & Buss, 2000)
-Sex can replace things you used to enjoy
-Partner can start to see you as only a means for sex
-“[In one situation,] I was the one who only wanted to be friends, and he ended up resenting me for never wanting more. Eventually, I just had to cut things off entirely, and we haven’t spoken since,” (Fishman & McCrary, 2012).

-Difficult to balance a close sexual, but not romantic, friendship (Sagarin & Guadagno, 2004)
-Creates vulnerability
-Likely that one partner will develop emotional attachment to the other/see potential for romance
-Experience unrequited love
-“In my opinion, ‘friends with benefits’ should have a countdown clock,” (Fishman & McCrary, 2012). Disadvantages of FWBR
-Different expectations of how a FWBR should evolve over time
-Men more likely to want relationship to remain the same over time
-Women more likely to want a shift in the relationship
-Into romantic relationship or back to non-sexual friendship

-Different reasons for wanting a FWBR
-Men more likely to state sex as primary motivation
-Research shows twice as many men report having sex with friend of opposite sex

-Measures of jealousy
Women more likely to report jealousy in romantic and FWB relationships Sex Differences and FWBR (Sagarin & Guadagno, 2004) -Empirical article

-FWBR becoming increasingly popular among American college students
-Interested in prevalence, why they occur and pros and cons

-First given a definition of FWBR and asked:
-Can people have sex and just be friends?
-Are you currently in a FWBR?

-Then asked 4 open ended- questions
-What are the major benefits of FWBR, if any?
-What are the disadvantages of FWBR, if any?
-Why do you believe people engage in FWBR?
-Why do you believe people don’t engage in FWBR?

-Those who were currently in FWBR were also asked about:
-Frequency of sex
-Type of sexual activity
-Sex of partner
-Relationship outcomes “Negotiating a FWBR” (Bisson & Levine, 2009) -60% have had a FWBR at one point

-36% were currently in a FWBR

-10% of these FWBR have evolved into romantic relationships

-61% answered "yes" to first initial question

-81% of these people have had a FWBR

-Increasingly popular, involving mostly sexual intercourse

-Attitudes about FWBR strongly associated with first hand experiences Bisson & Levine cont.
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