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allen ginsberg // howl
Transcript of allen ginsberg // howl
"But how?" he says looking at me unhappily from the couch—
"Don't you see?" I said—"it's out feelings, our feelings who we are—that's our identity not all these thoughts and ideas and angrys"—
He falls back in the chair, his face turns even redder—I am afraid he'll strike me, "But I was depending on you, you let me down, you still don't realize my—"
He begins slapping his palm to his red square Frankenstein forehead—hard, hard slaps—as if hitting a solid bone red object— I get frightened—have I misunderstood?—have all things been mixed so now I am lost and he's damaged:
He: "My feelings always been the trouble, I am split in that organically by the shock"—he points to his freak grotesque sponge swollen doctored body—"How can this ...?"
I am desperate, I break down, I think how can I now love this body with my body, how can I touch him and isn't that what he wants and I wanted that we touch with love at last in the end and I cry.
"O Carl!" weeping to him not to desert me, "O Carl! I need you! O Carl! O Carl! O Carl!" broken down as he gazes at me at last, but I am hopeless like a baby with him wanting him to hold me, "O Carl! O Carl! O Carl!" and wake. —from "'O Carl!' A Dream: 1963," allen ginsberg eric drooker