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Transcript of Loss Timeline
Moved from Oklahoma to Monett, MO. We had lived in Oklahoma longer than we had lived anywhere else (6 yrs), so it was the first move that had really impacted me because I was older than previous moves, and I believed myself to be in love with a guy. I also had a lot of friends that I didn't even get to say goodbye to. I don't completely remember how I reacted, but I was upset. However, I got over it rather quickly. As with all of our moves, my dad was always the one to "encourage" us to move on from where we were and make new friends. I couldn't get sympathy from him. However, my mom was more sympathetic and understanding.
Ended relationship with Tyler after 2 years of "I love you"s and secret talking. I wasn't old enough to date, so our relationship was "secret", even though my whole family new we liked each other. I was the one to pull the plug. I felt more sorry for him than I did for myself.
June, 2013: Moved away from Monett, MO to Woodland Park, CO
This was a major turning point in my life for a couple of different reasons. While I have moved many times in my life, this was the hardest one for me. I had made close friends that I was looking forward to spending the rest of my high school career with, and then college. I loved the high school I was attending, and the tennis team I was a part of. This was the reason for one of the major blows, the other affected my view of my parents. They had told us that they wanted to stay in Monett at least until I had graduated high school, so I felt lied to and betrayed.
Once we moved I started secluding myself because I felt like my parents would not have sympathy for me, so I felt alone in my grief of losing my home. I'm not really sure how to really explain the impacts this move had on me. I secluded myself from making close friends again for a while, and I held in my feelings to the point that I let depression set in. I bottled that up, which then led to self harm, etc. I was very bitter towards my parents and anger became a huge problem for me.
Death of my Great Grandpa
He died on Aug. 9th. 2017, and his funeral was Monday, Aug. 21st. After his funeral at the church, we drove up to Denver for the military portion of the funeral, and then I left straight from there to start my trip to Springfield. While it was a painful experience for me, I did not feel the same level of grief as my mother, aunts/uncle, and everyone else that was a higher generation than me. It was their grief and pain that affected me the most.
Broke up with boyfriend pt.2
Mutual agreement that we were over. Later it hurt more for the loss of friendship and tie to Woodland Park.
Left Dublin, May 27th
I had fallen in love with Ireland, and even the crowded city of Dublin, so while part of me was ready to leave, another part of me hated leaving. It was like leaving a part of myself behind. It hits me at random moments how much I miss Dublin, the people I had met, my routine, and the entire experience in general. Fortunately I am currently living with a friend I met in Ireland, which was a total God thing, so we are able to relate to each other about missing Ireland and support each other through transitioning back into our old routines.
Break up with boyfriend pt 1
My boyfriend started thinking more and more about the future, which put stress on our relationship. Our lives are going in very different directions, so we decided to call it quits. The hardest part about it for me was the implications of also losing contact with his family, whom I absolutely love.
Loss of friendship with Caleb round 2. Friendship was again rekindled during the year, but died off again for same reasons. We are not on bad terms, but we don't talk like we used to. I miss him sometimes. He was a great friend.
Loss of friendship with Best Friend; October 2015
Truth be told, this was a process that started with her distancing herself, replacing me with a new best friend, and eventually, though rather suddenly, cutting all ties with me. My reaction was... a combination of things. I remember reading her final text message and saying "no, no, no..." over and over again, one of my biggest fears being realized. Then I kept saying "what did I do?", thinking I had caused this. I started to cry, but then told myself no, I was not going to cry for her, because she had already been the cause of so much hurt for me. That's not to say I didn't do my share of crying later on and off, but I honestly didn't want to feel anything. However, I did receive support from friends at Evangel and my parents, knowing how much she had meant to me as my best friend. One result of this was I was adverse to the idea of "best friends", not wanting to ever be that vulnerable or close to someone and open, only to have them (or me) leave. The very words were bitter in my mouth. I have since made a lot of progress, though occasionally I still struggle.
Loss of friendship with Karli; Oct.-Nov. 2015
Closest person to a "best friend" other than Emily. Was there for me when Emily (before mentioned best friend) wasn't. Reason for friendship ending is complicated.
Loss of friendship with Caleb (round one) for reasons of a relationship matter. He wanted to date, and while I really cared about him, I was in no position emotionally to be in a relationship and contact died off.
Spring 2016; My dog of 13 years passed away.
Exhibit 13.1; 5-8
As you can see, most of my losses have not been death related. While I have recently experienced the loss of my great grandfather, and when I was younger my great grandmother, it still hasn't been as closely impactful as some people may experience. However, I have found that loss, at any level, is very subjective and you cannot simply try to group people into categories with simple solutions. What may be extremely hard for one person to deal with might only take another person a couple of days. Because I believe in Jesus and Heaven, death is somewhat easier to handle, but when my great grandpa died, it was the knowledge that he was in Heaven with great grandma again that stirred up more emotions than many other things. Society tends to recognize grieving a death as something that will take time to recover from, but the same cannot be said for other, seemingly lesser, forms of grief. For instance, the loss of a close friendship or romantic relationship. Society will say it is okay to grieve for a little while, but then you need to move on and find other people. Therefor, people often bottle up their emotions, put on a good face, and go about their lives as best they can without taking time to process what they are feeling. What I believe people who are grieving really need is a sense of validation, that it is okay they are hurting, and sometimes just someone who is willing to listen without offering advise unless asked for.