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Emotion Coaching - Parent Presentation

A brief overview of Emotion Coaching. Helping parents and carers to manage children's emotions.
by

karen leafe

on 5 March 2017

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Transcript of Emotion Coaching - Parent Presentation

Tune in
- notice what is going on in your child's world
Connect
- say what you see (descriptive without judgements) & pause....
Accept & listen
Reflect
Problem solve
- when you are both calm
Emotion Coaching - Parent Presentation
What is Emotion Coaching?

Why is it helpful for parents?
"Emotion Coaching is helping children and young people to understand the different emotions they experience, why they occur, and how to handle them"
Emotion coaching is the ability to do the following with your child;
be truly present
tune in and connect
understand what is really going on, at an emotional level
all this, BEFORE moving onto resolutions or correcting
Research has shown - Parents who can emotion coach 30-40% of the time; raise healthier, happier and more balanced children.
How emotionally healthy are we as parents?
In order to emotion coach with our children we first need to pay attention to our own emotional health.

John Gottman
Consider you own emotional health/intelligence; resilience, problem solving, flexibility, empathy, managing own emotions ie anger and sadness
Attachment
Neural networks in the brain and emotional regulation starts as early as pregnancy
Safety & security come first, for a child's attachment system, then exploration, curiosity and learning can take place
The brain is a social organ. Child learns through relationship, guided by parent/carer, through co-regulation and then moves onto independence & self regulation
Social & emotional skills development
Parenting styles
What is your default?
Try to minimise emotions/play then down
Critical/judgemental/finger wagging
Laissez--faire/Laid back
Emotion coach (high empathy and high guidance)
Children thrive best in an environment of high empathy/compassion and high guidance
Neuro Science explanation for parents by Doctor Dan Siegel ......
What happens when a child, teenager or adult "Flips their lid"
The two parts of the brain
Picture your brain...it has an upstairs (frontal cortex) and downstairs (limbic/amygdala) and when we are calm and steady they make good neuro connections between themselves

The
downstairs brain
is the emotional brain and always takes over when we get upset, excited or stressed. It also temporary disconnects from the
upstairs brain
(learning, thinking & reasoning)

Think about a time when you or your child have prepared/practiced but gone to pieces; taking tests/exams, job interviews, public speaking etc..
"Name it to tame it"
Naming an emotion helps to calm our brains and close the lid back down. So the up and downstairs brain can reconnect
press the pause button.... & take a breath...
Steps of emotion coaching
Summary of key points
How we regulation our emotions forms in our early attachment experiences. Good news it can change and develop through life
Safety comes first, if we feel under threat our flight, freeze or fight response is activated and our bodies are flooded with stress hormones
Humans all have the same basic emotions. When we "flip our lid" we are experiencing a high emotional arousal. Our up and downstairs brain are not working together. Think... stress response (tests/exams, job interview, public speaking, MRI scan, flying etc..)
Children do well if they CAN
Some children do not YET have the skills to regulate their emotions
Audit and work on your own emotional health/response to emotions
"Connect before Correct"
try to understand your childs world
"Name it"
(emotions) to
"Tame it"
(calm the downstairs brain)
ALL emotions/feelings are acceptable but not all behaviours are
Emotions have neuro pathways that connect with thoughts and behaviours
You cannot resolve an issue when your child, yourself or both of you are
"flipping your lid"
When you are both in a calm state, then talk to the upstairs brain, this is where learning and change takes place
many traditional parenting models miss out the key element of emotions
The Whole Brain Child, p62-63, @ Mind Your Brain.Inc 2015
creating a space between a thought, impulse and action
Emotion coaching works with adults to
emotion coaching works for all types of relationships
"All emotions/feelings are acceptable but not all behaviours are"
message to children
If you are interest to know more....
Small group Parent Emotion Coaching sessions & other effective parenting techniques
Hand-outs include EC summary, steps and other useful information
Please contact us via email if you wish to find out more
whistle stop tour EC
hand out later
* Reccomended Parenting book;
PAYNE BRYSON, T. and SIEGEL, D.

(2015)
No Drama Discipline
; The whole-brain way to calm the chaos and nurture your child's developing mind. London:Scribe
 
Dr Janet Rose Bath Spa University www.attachmentawareschools.com
Rose, J., Gilbert, L., McGuire-Snieckus, R. (2015) Emotion Coaching - a strategy for promoting behavioural self-regulation in children and young people in schools: A pilot study, European Journal of Social and Behavioural Sciences, 13, 1766-1790.
 
-Tuning in to Kids ,  Sophie Havighurst and Ann Harley  http://www.tuningintokids.org.au/professionals/research/  Mindful,  Department Psychiatry,  the University of Melbourne
 
-John Gottman,(1997). Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting. Simon and Schuster: New York.
 
-Adele Faber, and Elaine Mazlish (1980, 2000). How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids will Talk., Avon Books: New York.
 
-Adele Faber, and Elaine Mazlish, (1987, 1998) Siblings Without Rivalry. Avon Books: New York.
 
-The Gottman Institute http://www.gottman.com
 
-Emotionally Intelligent Parenting (EQParenting)
 
-Dan Siegel , Handmodel of the brain; The Whole-Brain Child, p.62-63  © Mind Your Brain, Inc., 2015
 
References
emotions can explode outside ie anger (visable) or go inside ie sadness/resentment/pity
"Connect
before
correct or redirect"
Think....
Where possible, you are more likely to be heard and open up the possiblity of your child learning something
Choice and Consequence
Reward/sticker charts
Punishments
Time out/Naughty Step
Withdrawal of privileges/treats
Parent repeats themselves time and time again
Parent frequently telling a child off and using words;
"no", "stop", "you can't", "don't"
Parent finding above strategies are not working very often
standard parenting techniques
based on behaviourism, miss out teaching emotions
kleafe@educ.somerset.gov.uk
and finally...
Thank you
Questions
Feedback
Who to contact for more information
https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-research-the-still-face-experiment/
What you can do to help build you child's emotional health and resilience

Normalise emotions (all emotions are ok but not all behaviours are)
Where possible, when your child is showing emotion stop what you are doing and practice using the steps
Connect, Accept, Reflect, and ONLY THEN move onto problem solve (if needed)
Work on your own stress and lid being up, build in some mindful space/activities into your day
In a playful way, teach your child Dan Siegel's hand model, they really can get it!
Full transcript