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Writing and Revising

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Heather P

on 24 September 2015

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Transcript of Writing and Revising

Writing & Revising
Researching & Organizing Data
First Draft & Sentence Construction
Main Idea Patterns
Appropriate Wording
Professional, formal/semi-formal & precise
Independent vs Dependent Clauses
Both types contain a verb
Sentence Faults
Collecting information to shape your message
Put main topic in title/subject line
Divide topic simply
Include important details that must be transmitted to audience
White space
(Guffey et al. 2016)

You can never proofread enough
Read aloud to yourself
Ask a friend/colleague to read through a message
Print out the message
Get used to "Track changes"
Be careful of spell/grammar checks
Subjects & Verbs
Necessary in all sentences
Sentence Fragment
Not complete sentences!
Missing either a verb or a subject
Run-on Sentence
Two independent clauses without a conjunction or a semicolon
"Some employers still prefer to see a printed resume a growing number specify that only electronic resumes can be submitted" (Guffey & Almonte, 2013, p. 60).
Comma Splice
When two independent clauses are joined by comma
Example: "Some employees responded by e-mail, others picked up the telephone" (Guffey & Almonte, 2013, p. 60).
Dependent Clause
Depends on independent clause to be understood
Incomplete meaning
"Although he really wanted a muffin."
Independent Clause
Can stand alone as a sentence
E.g., "Larry was supposed to be finishing the leftover meatloaf."
Dependent and independent clauses can be put together
E.g., "Although he really wanted a muffin, Larry was supposed to be finishing the leftover meatloaf."
Sentence Length
To ensure clarity, sentences should be less than 20 words.
~ 8 words = excellent comprehension (100%)
~ 20 words = poor comprehension (50%)
"What does your receiver need to know about this topic?" (p. 56)
Secondary questions for action requests:
What will the receiver need to do and how?
Is there a deadline?
Will there be any consequences if he/she does not carry through with an action?
Formal Research
Electronic databases - http://www.algonquincollege.com/lrc/library/
Primary sources - interviews, surveys, questionnaires
Conduct a scientific study - controlled variables
Informal Research
Where could you find information within your organization?
Company files
Interview target audience
Informal survey
Brainstorm ideas with others (p. 56)
Main idea/purpose placed in first two sentences
To use when audience will be receptive
Why would this be advantageous?
Direct Pattern/Frontloading
Main idea/purpose is placed after an explanation
To use when audience is hostile or not interested
For what kind of messages would this approach work well and why?
Indirect Pattern
How you anticipate your audience's reactions will impact how you organize your message delivery.
First Draft
Let your writing flow
Make corrections in the revising stage
Read aloud to yourself
Save as you go*
Concise Wording
Time = valuable
Can you say what you're trying to say in fewer words?
at a later date = later
in spite of the fact that = even though
in the event that = if
in the near future = soon
pursuant to your request = at your request
(Guffey et al. 2016, p. 63)
Needless Adverbs:
E.g., very, definitely, somewhat, actually, etc.
Instead of: "There is a monkey in Ikea who is wearing a fur coat"
Use: "A monkey in Ikea is wearing a fur coat"
Repetitive words
Is "the, a, an" necessary?
Use synonyms
Redundant words
Do no add any meaning
E.g., "Advance warning, repeat again"
-Terminology applicable to specific field
-Where/when is jargon useful?
Precise Verbs
-Add clarity
-Instead of: "We must consider this problem"
- Use: "We must (clarify, remedy, rectify) this problem"
(Guffey & Almonte, 2013, p. 67)
Concrete Nouns
- Add specificity and can help visualization
- Instead of "A person called, " use: "Ms. Ter, the CEO of Greens, called"

Vivid Adjectives
- Find a balance between vividness and overkill
- Instead of "The report was completed," use "The 12-page report was completed meticulously"
- Overkill: "The meticulous, well researched, and engaging 12-page report was completed"
-What are some slang words you've incorporated into your vocabulary?
-Overused phrase/opinion
-Meaningless to people outside of originating culture
-E.g., "What goes around comes around," "time will tell," etc.
Instant Messaging and Text Speak
- "Props, idk, kk," etc.
- To be avoided when communicating with customers, superiors, fellow employees, or people you do not know well
(Guffey, Loewy, & Almonte, 2016)
(Guffey et al. 2016)
(Guffey et al, 2016)
(Guffey et al. 2016)
(Guffey et al. 2016)
(ADM Netword Ltd. 2009)
(Escher, 1942)
(Wallpaper Wala, n.d.)
(Egyptian Transcript, n.d.)
(Berkson, 2010)
ADM Network Ltd. (2009). Very angry baby face [jpg]. Retrieved from http://www.riskheads.org/insurance-sexism-ageism/
Berkson, W. (2010). Not legible letters but readable words [png]. Retrieved from http://ilovetypography.com/2010/11/02/reviving-caslon-part-2-readability-affability-authority/
Egyptian Transcript. (n.d.). Proof [jpg]. Retrieved from http://egytranscript.com/index.php/proofreading/
Escher, M. C. (1942). Lizard [jpg]. Retrieved from http://www.wikipaintings.org/en/m-c-escher/lizard-1
Guffey, M.E., & Almonte, R. (2013). Essentials of business communication (7th Canadian ed.). Toronto, ON: Nelson Education Ltd.
Guffey, M.E., Loewy, D., & Almonte, R. (2016). Essentials of business communication (8th Canadian ed.). Toronto, ON: Nelson Education Ltd.
Wallpaper Wala. (n.d.). Engagement diamond ring [jpg]. Retrieved from http://www.wallpaperswala.com/engagement/

ENL 1813B
Class 5 & 6

You need to ask your superior to approve a routine change that you've implemented to your company's website.

What method of main idea delivery would best suit your information response?
Bulleted Lists:
-information needs to be organized effectively
-sequence does not matter

Numbered Lists:
-information needs to be sequenced
-recipes, ordered tasks, etc.
It has been 24 hours, and your supervisor has not yet responded. Should you continue waiting for a response, resend the message, rephrase your initial message, or seek help from another party?
You have to decline a request from an employee that you supervise. The request is straightforward, and would not be difficult to implement, but your superior will not allow the request to go forward due to funding issues.
What method of main idea delivery is ideal?
(Guffey et al. 2016)
Make your sentences and lists parallel for smoother reading:
- prewrite
- write
- revise
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