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Encouragement Day 4

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by

Lori Allen

on 30 November 2016

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Transcript of Encouragement Day 4

Think of a flashlight - you illuminate what you want to see. What you focus on teaches the children what
you
value.
Connection fast tracks our access to joy juice
Encouragement
Building the School Family
The Power of Unity
day 4
www.consciousdiscipline.com
We are all in this together!
Children need to be of service


Understanding of the world develops with age

The "Call for Help" Perceptual Frame
How
we see - defines
What
we see
Seeing the best in others creates worthiness within us.
We place value on and give meaning to situations based on our mental models.
Whatever we offer others, we strengthen within ourselves.
Depending on your attention - your perception can be encouraging or discouraging.
Emotional State Skills:
The Power of Unity:
HOMEWORK!
Read pages 184-193 in
Conscious Discipline
by Becky Bailey.

What do you have in place?
Can it be done better?
Review your jobs (or begin by implementing one!) and reflect on whether they are meaningful.
Did you explicitly teach each job by modeling and discussing its importance? If not, revisit your chart with the students!
Do you catch yourself taking jobs away as punishment?
Part one:
Part two:
Take time to "notice" acts of kindness. Journal about how your students reacted to your noticing.
Begin reading Chapter 7 - CHOICES.
Tags that describe attributes
Command vs. Request
Counterproductive Praise
"You are sitting with your legs crossed so you friends are safe1"
"You are standing on one leg balancing with your arms like this."
The kinds of praise that inhibits a child's self-esteem:
General - makes a child feel pressure to live up to unrealistic standards. (She is always so sweet)
"Good" = pleasing others / "Bad" = displeasing others
Focus on how you think or feel- to "make" them behave.
Praise only successful, completed tasks - effort does not matter.
Praise Noticing

"Good Job, Erika"



"That was excellent!"

"That was a great slide!"
"Erika, you put your toys in the bin and carefully matched your labels on the shelf."

"You did it! You finished all your homework!"

You did it! You came down the slide feet first!"
Wiring the Brain from Top -Down
Effective ways to praise and encourage children
How to notice instead of judge children so that every child feels seen.
Ways to teach children how to be helpful, contributing, valuable members of a group
The power of "you did it!"
Request:
the person has a choice

Command:
expectation has no choice involved. (assertive voice)

Noticing compliance:
"You did it. You sat down so your friends can see. Good for you!"
Connection is the force behind encouragement. When a relationship is severed, so is our willingness to be
connected.
(judgement) (describing)
Connection is the force behind encouragement. When the relationship is severed, so is our willingness to be _____________.
(*1 Power of Unity video to 7:25)
Emotional State Skills:
R
= Rituals
E
= Encouragement
J
= Jobs
E
= Empathy
C
= Choices
T
= The School Family
Connected
ACTIVITY
Pg 178 - Conscious Discipline, by Dr. Becky Bailey

Review the situations at the top of page 178 in your CD book. Discuss possible feedback using the noticing formula. Share with your table.
"That was Helpful" video
*5 Teachers Encouraging Students - Special Needs PreK
R
ituals



E
ncouragement



J
obs



E
mpathy



C
hoices



T
he School Family
provide valuable opportunities to connect. Implementing caring classroom rituals cultivates compassion. Compassion
accepting children for who they are. Based on noticing and connecting, and teachers what classroom values like "helpful" look, sound and feel like.
being of service to others activates the higher centers of the brain. With a job for every student, each child contributes daily to the success of the classroom.
teaches emotional regulation and integrates the brain so children can take personal responsibility for the actions.
internally motivated choices foster cooperation, enhance decision-making and help children focus their attention.
calling your class a "School Family" and using a helathy family model as the blueprint for its organization meets all children's connection needs.
Physiological Fact:
Our heart and brain exchange information that governs how we think, act and feel.
~Greeting Ritual~
Stressful Way to Perceive Behavior
Healthy Way to Perceive Behavior
Good Bad
Safe Unsafe (dangerous)
Deserving Undeserving
Should feel good Should feel bad
Innocent Guilty
Calm Distressed
Helpful Hurtful
Solutions Calling for help
Safe
behavior implies an inner state of peace or appreciation.

Unsafe
behavior indicates some form of distress.
love
Judgement
criticism
compassion
Activity:
pg. 168 in book
Complete "Survival State" independently
Complete "Emotional State" and "Executive State" with your table team.
Teacher plays a significant role in how students see each other and misbehavior
look at misbehavior as a plea for help - what skill is the child missing?
The way we perceive behavior and the way we respond to that behavior will create a safe, encouraging School Family climate - or a fearful classroom that discourages everyone.
Nurturing connections with others builds neural connections within the brain that literally wire (re-wire) it for willingness and impulse control.
Face to face, high intensity, relational moments (NON-instructional!!)
Eye contact
Touch
Presence
Playful Situation
Attention vs. Connection
Attention :




Connection:
A call for help
An effort to call others' attention to a missing skill
What we do so we are seen! As much noise as possible (like if you fell overboard off a ship!)
Says, "Something is missing"
A form of responsive attunement
Relinquish our self-centered view to participate fully with another person
Let go of judgements and biases of how things should go
Being of service does too! Research shows:
it changes our brain chemistry, activating pre-frontal lobes and integrating the brain.
triggers reward centers of the brain
helps regulate the "clacker" of autonomic nervous center / turns off fight or flight
offering others compassion increases ocytocin levels

Noticing for Encouragement
"You did it!

You ______________.

Good for you!"
(describe in detail without judgement)
"You moved over so your friend had room to sit. That was helpful."
" You _____so ______. That was helpful!
"You did it! You got ready for lunch and waited by the door. Good for you!"
compliance with an assertive command
noticing for helpful/kind acts
That took determination.
That was gutsy!
You sure are organized.
Tags that describe values (use often!!)
That was helpful.
That was thoughtful.
That was kind. caring...
Acknowledge students' unique gifts and talents
Have students represent their strengths and assets
let them write or draw about their strengths
Structure the environment so gifts are made public
class meetings - NOTICE!
Create "Ways to be Helpful" board or book
Effective praise relies on describing, not judging
Praising only successful, completed tasks teaches that effort doesn't matter.
Praise that relies on external rewards work against natural brain chemistry and devalues relationships.
How they serve must be developmentally appropriate in order to be meaningful
younger kids: self and family
older kids: community and beyond.
I Love You Rituals!!
In this session, you will learn...
Full transcript