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Kayla and Stephen Briseño

on 21 October 2014

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Transcript of Personification

Today's Suggestion
"If there was no evil in the world..."
story, journal, or
Peer Conferences #2
1. Each author will read their essay OUT LOUD twice.
2. First time--the group just listens.
3. Second time--the group fills in the SMQ Response Page.
4. Once completed, the group critiques the reader's essay (the good, the bad, and the questions).
5. The next author shares and the process repeats.
Peer Conferences #3
1. Get in a group of 2--no more than 3!
2. Trade papers
3. Focus Revision Areas:
Read their lead, their truism, and grammar.
4. Comment/Critique those areas.
Are they effective? Is their lead grabbing?
Does their truism fit with the story?
What grammar mistakes do you see?
5. Trade papers back. Time to revise.
Throw Away Writing
Parts of your
writing that is
just fluff--extra--
not needed.
Take it out to make
your writing more effective.

I was starting to walk back to my house.
I was walking home from Wal-Mart, and I saw a homeless man.
As I walked home from Wal-Mart,
I saw a homeless man.
I looked out into the dark night.
I walked through the cold snow.
I swam through the wet water.
So I learned a major lesson and that lesson was that sometimes you have to
make a hard choice.
Sometimes you have to make a hard choice.
Now it's your turn.

Find throw away writing in your essay
and get it out of there!

Word Choice, Sentence fluency, Useless adjectives
lead-ups, and eliminating "be" verbs.
1. Correct a 2nd journal
for Forbidden List mistakes.
Put a star on top once it's done.

2. Make sure all of your journals
meet the requirements.

3. If they don't, keep writing
to make them longer!
Rough Draft #2.1
Narrative Elements
650-700 words
Change your title (come up with something new)
Typed and Emailed or Printed by next Monday, Sept. 23rd
Mimic (or copy) these model sentences
to create your own sentence for your
Final Draft in your journal.

#1. Through a crack in its door, I can see three girls enter: heavy metal girls with tremendous eyelashes.
Through ________, I can see_________: _________ with _______. (description of what you see)
#2. In the end, just as the doctor predicted, I never played another minute of football.

In the end, just as ____________________, I ____________________.
#3. The day I hear the rumor I am 14 years old, enclosed in a bathroom stall.

The day I ______________ I am ______________, (verb-ed) ______________.
Writer's Toolbox
--AAAWWUBIS sentences
The day was perfect.
It was as if the sun was smiling up on me.
The wind danced with
the leaves as I walked to school.
The test stared at me, saying, "You're gonna fail!"
Today, you are creating your own blog to act as your online portfolio.
Student Weebly Blogs
Portfolio Day
1. Gather up everything--
quicklists, kernel essays,
flipbook, rough drafts, final
draft, journals, and exemplar

2. Scan them using the Cam Scanner

3. Save them in groups:
Journals, Kernel Essays, Rough Drafts,
Flipbook, Quicklists.

4. Email them to qsiwriting1@gmail.com
like so
YOUR NAME: Assignment
Brian Chan: Journals
5. If you finish everything, have something to work on.
6. I will call on you one by one to turn in your assignments and check your portfolio list.
Warm-Up: Get out the following...
1. Final Draft: if you haven't emailed it to me, please get it out.

2. Yellow Portfolio Page

3. Journals, Quicklists, Kernel Essays, Rough Drafts, & Exemplar Essays.

4. Your device with Cam Scanner downloaded.
Scan and email:
1. Journals
2. Quicklists
3. Rough Drafts
4. Flipbook
5. Truism Sheet (from Typhoon Day)
Email to:

Michelle Kim:Journals
I was shouting at my brother.
Today's Journal
Thursday, October 16th, 2014
Or Free Write
Today's Goals
1. find "throw away" writing in our essays
2. replacing weak verbs with strong verbs
3. writing successful AAAWWUBIS sentences
am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been
Journal Check
25-30+ Journals
20+ should be 1/2 page
or longer
Giving something that is non-human
a human-like action or description.
Add at least 1 example of personification
in your essay where a non-human thing
"speaks" to you. The only thing I ask is that you
DON'T USE the words said, spoke, shout, or well.

Check out this list for ideas.
Full transcript