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Standing up to Bullying

How to handle bullying as parents ; whether your child is the victim or the culprit.

Anne Muurlink

on 14 January 2015

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Transcript of Standing up to Bullying

Standing up to Bullying:
“How to Handle Bullying, Whether your Child is the Victim or the Culprit. The Importance of Preparing Kids and Identifying the Right Signals.”
Physical Bullying
Scenario 1:
A preschool child goes to the lunch table, anticipating sitting next to a new friend. When another child sits in the hoped-for seat, the child cries out angrily,“Move or you’re not my friend!”
Scenario 2:
A preschool child sits at the lunch table and, just as she has done many times previously, points across at some of the children at the table, loudly saying: “You’re my friend, you’re not my friend, you’re not my friend, you’re my friend,” as she does every day. The child then directs specific children where they are to sit according to who is a “friend.” All the children look frightened.
''A pattern of verbal or physical intimidation of someone with less social or physical power.''

''Bullying exists when a power gap between children is tolerated by adult.''

''Negative, hurtful behaviors turn into bullying when it is repeated, intense and targeted.''
What exactly is bullying?
Physically harming someone or forcing them to do an act which may cause harm or embarrassment
More likely to be done by boys
Relatively easy to identify because the acts are obvious
Hitting, kicking, pushing, stealing or destroying possessions.
Verbal Bullying
Form of bullying that relies on the use of language
More likely to be done by girls
Can easily go unnoticed, because it leaves no visual traces.
In reality, however, verbal abuse can be more detrimental to a person's health than physical abuse
Cyber Bullying
Newest form of bullying using the internet, mobile phones or other technology to hurt or embarrass someone
The growing number or social networks allows for bullying to occur in a greater context, where lies and rumors can spread easily
More likely to be done by teenagers
If not done anonymously, it is easy to collect evidence to show teachers and parents who can take action.
Identifying signals of those being bullied
Unexplainable injuries
Lost or destroyed property
Starts bed wetting again
Difficulties sleeping or nightmares
Complains of headaches or stomach aches
Loss of appetite or overeating
Loss of interest in schoolwork
Not wanting to go to school
Appears moody or depressed
Low self-esteem
Characteristics of a Bully
desensitized to violence
easily frustrated
bad temper
rule-breaking behavior
anti-social behavior
poor social skills
low social economic background
authoritarian parents
Effects of Being Bullied
Negative self image
Low self esteem
Feelings of isolation
Substance abuse in later life
Trust issues
What are the effects of being a bully?
More likely to drop out of school
Depression and/or psychological distress
Higher risk to come into contact with the law
Criminal behavior and convictions later in life
Higher risk to develop an anti-social personality disorder
Risk of abusive behavior in family life
Substance abuse
have an anxious personality
are insecure
are sensitive
are quiet
have poor social skills, especially in terms of assertiveness
have a negative self-image
have a lack of confidence
have little or no close friends
are physically smaller or weaker than their peers
are perceived as different from their peers
Victims often:
Protective Factors
As parents, teach kids
to have a positive outlook
to be aware of consequences of bad behavior
to have healthy and supportive relationships with parents and other adults
well-developed social and communication skills
strong problem solving skills
develop real, parent approved friendships
It's Happening!
Bullying is also directly taught by adults who bully children when they yell, threaten, shame or punish them; rather than staying calm, setting limits, problem solving and rewarding positive interactions.
Examples of verbal bullying by adults:
''I don't care how upset you are.. get over here and sit down!''
''Look at me when I'm talking to you!''
''I'll give you something to cry about.''
''You're being such a cry baby!''
''Do what I say - or else...''
''You are being ridiculous - you are old enough to know better.''

Stop hurtful behaviors and teach appropriate replacement behaviors.
Follow a limit-setting interaction with at least 5 positive and encouraging interactions
Create a culture in which adults stop all bullying immediately
Meet with the involved students
Reiterate the rules and review expected behaviors
Have appropriate consequences
Do bullies have low self-esteem?
So what can we do as parents?
Parents can:
create a positive home environment
enroll your kids in a supportive school environment
enroll your kids in small classes
reward your kids for positive (social) behaviors from an early age
enroll your kids in a school with no tolerance policies regarding bullying
be a good role model
How to stop it

Bullying is a set of actions, not a person.
Full transcript