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Assertiveness - Day 3

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Lori Allen

on 15 February 2017

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Transcript of Assertiveness - Day 3

Adult Assertiveness
Respectfully Increasing Compliance
What you focus on, you get more of.
Assertiveness will do three things:
1. Focus on what you want
When upset, you focus on what you don't want.
The goal is not to eliminate life's frustration - but to regain self-control
Pivot Practice for when you are upset
What you focus on, you _____________________

When you are upset, you are always focused on _______________________.

When you are upset, be a S.T.A.R. (breathe) and pivot (change your focus from what you don't want to what you do want.
Assertive Commands Activity
Helping a child who is dawdling at his table when it's time to line up.
"Victim First" Rule
"Notice" what happened: " You were playing with a toy and Cindy hit you because she wanted it".

Practice focusing on what you do want.
Empower the victim to deal with bully situations with their assertive voice
Determine the purpose of the tattling, then respond accordingly
READ PAGES 130-159:
Journal any Ah-Has you may have
day 3
Setting Limits Respectfully
The Power of Attention
1. "Michelle, why did you hit Jake?
Would you like someone to hit you? Hitting hurts. Go to time out and think about your behavior. Then come back and be nice."
Focus is on hitting
2. "Mark, what is our rule about fighting? I am calling the office to send you home. Fighting is not allowed."
Focus is on fighting
3. "Cameron, you wanted a marker. You didn't know the words to use to get it. You may not grab. When you want a marker you say:
May I borrow your marker, please?
Say that now."
Focus is on communicating appropriate words with appropriate actions.
Don't Touch!

You know better than that!

Stop! It's not nice to hit others.
How to access and develop your own assertive voice
The three requirements for becoming assertive

How to empower children to stand up to bullies and use their BIG voice
2. Is clear and direct
3. Has a tone that says, "Just do it."
Passive Aggressive Assertive
Asks permission, OK? "or else!" Just do it
get more of.
what you don't want
Video Clip
"You cannot change behavior by focusing on ________________.
what you don't want
1. Did you wait for the child to make eye contact before saying a word?
2. Did you use your arms like a traffic cop gesturing to visually support your vocal command?
3. Were you conscious of your intent, as well as your words?
Assisting a child walking around the room to join at circle time.
pg. (144)
Conscious Discipline
Give the child the words "I don't like it when you hit me!"
And the tone of voice to assertively set limits with the intruder. "Next time ask me for a turn!"
Conflict is never resolved until you end it with telling the other person what you
A power struggle always ends in abuse - verbal and/or physical.
pg. 122
Must be present and in the moment!
Practice with partner: How do we "pivot" and respond differently?
Dead Person Assessment:
pg 124
*Goal is to please others
*Aims to win by overpowering
**Clear communication that paints a picture of what we want others to do
*pg. 134
Make eye contact
decrease distance from your face and child's until he/she notices you
notice nonverbal body cues, ("you hands are going like this...")
Once you establish eye contact, state child's name
state what you want to see
begin your sentence with a verb and be as specific as possible
(ex: remove, begin move, reflect, etc.)
paint a picture of expected behavior using gestures and any visual cues possible to help child be successful.
(complete activity on p. 137)
Children who Resist
They are telling us they need additional support
1. Give an assertive command
2. Notice and download
3. Say, "There you are! I am going to show you how to get started."
4. Notice and download, followed by two positive choices (chapter 6).
5. Repeat choices in a consistent and calm state, regardless of what the child says or does
(pg. 138)
The Voice of No Doubt
Tone of voice is critical - Just do it!
93% of all communication is nonverbal (voice tone, intention and body language tone.)
How to practice "Tone" -
look around the room you are in and say, "that is the ceiling", look down at the floor and say, "That is the floor".
Now in the same voice say, "Sit down and look at me".
Tone often negate message -
have a nice day
love you
you're safe, your safe...
Teaching a child to use an assertive voice
Set up
set limit
tell what to do
turn to p. 148
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