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How Do We Choose Our Friends?
Transcript of How Do We Choose Our Friends?
~ Kali Langer
. N.p.. Web. 16 Oct 2013. <http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/06/080602163842.htm>.
Rather than picking our friends based on intentional choice and common values and interests, our friendships may be based on more superficial factors like...
where you sit on your first day of college
The desire to get people to like you motivate the majority of my choices and actions in early life.
Wanting people to like you results in declining new opportunities, being too nervous to perform effectively, and showing signs of avoidance, such as apathy, withdrawal, analysis paralysis, and giving up.
Crouch, Sasha. n. page. <http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-need-for-approval-to-start-thriving/>
Instrumental and Expressive
Affiliative (companionship) or Attachment (social-emotional) needs.
Robert B. Hayes (1984), a list of four rewarding friendship behaviors: companionship, consideration, communication, and affection.
Paul H. Wright (1978, 1985) five interpersonal rewards or friendship values: these are utility, stimulation, ego support, self-affirmation and security.
Net Industries, N.. N.p.. Web. 21 Oct 2013. <http://family.jrank.org/pages/660/Friendship-Benefits-Friendship.html>.
Same & opposite sex
Physical beauty: more responsive, interesting, sociable, intelligent, kind, outgoing, and poised.
People feel better when their friends are "desirable".
My opinion "beauty is only skin deep"
others: friends, looks, wealth, motivations
We are attracted to people whose skills and abilities are complementary to our own. Complementary means different but compatible and mutually beneficial, like people with different skills who work together for a common purpose