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An Assertive Presentation!
Transcript of An Assertive Presentation!
For those who don’t know, Assertiveness is expressing our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a direct, honest and appropriate way.
Assertiveness is a technique used in conflict resolution to ensure your side of an argument is heard, and yet respect is shown to those who disagree with your opinion.
We as a cohort will face conflict and problems in many ways e.g.
• HC’s vs. Student body
• HC’s VS Student Club
• HC’s vs. admin
• Student club vs. admin
• And probably often, each group will have internal disagreements that need to be dealt with accordingly
This presentation is intended to be ASSERTIVE not AGGRESSIVE!
By Robbie & Brodie
Being assertive in these situations is important in the process of resolution, however it is important to avoid being aggressive.
Dealing with situations aggressively is very different to assertiveness. Aggressiveness involves expressing our thoughts, feelings and beliefs in a way that is inappropriate and violates the rights of others.
It is a fine line between aggressiveness and assertiveness, and it is easy to becomes aggressive when trying to maintain an assertive argument. However there are certain characteristics of each that differentiate the two
• Respectful – both to ourselves and others
• Working towards a win-win solution
• Making sure both parties have their need met as best we can
• An assertive person influences, listens and negotiates
• Tries to influence others to cooperate willingly, rather than
• Active actions, rather than passive
• Impression of disrespect to others
• Putting our own wants, needs and rights above those of others
• Attempting to get our own way by not giving others a chance to express their opinion
• Aggression strives for a win-lose situation, I will win where you will lose
Techniques for being
Assertive rather than Aggressive
These are basic techniques that are used to show an assertive nature, rather than aggressive. They may seem obvious or apparent when dealing with conflict or problem solving, but ignoring them may make you appear aggressive rather than assertive.
The use of I messages is a respectful and easy way to voice your opinion. It is made up of three parts:
• Behavior – what it is that another party or person has done or is doing
• Effect – What is happening because of this behavior
• Feelings – What effect does this behavior have on you?
EXAMPLE: When you come late to meetings (behavior), I feel angry (feelings), because we have to repeat information the rest of us heard (effect).
Using 'I' messages
Use of factual descriptions instead of judgements
Voicing personal judgments can often give the impression of rudeness or aggressiveness. Sticking to facts is the key to assertiveness
This is sloppy work (Aggressive)
The pages in this report are out of order (Assertive)
Similar to using facts, avoiding exaggerations will help you seem assertive rather than aggressive
You are never on time! (Aggressive)
You were 15 minutes late today. That is the third time this week (Assertive)
Express thoughts and opinions reflecting ownership
Stand by your opinion, and express it with ownership, rather than making vague, ambiguous statements
He makes everyone angry (Aggressive, denies ownership of feelings)
I get angry when he breaks his promises (Assertive and owns feelings)
Additional communication techniques
• Use suitable Facial expressions
• Use a firm voice, but be pleasant
• Pay attention to your posture and gestures
• Listen and let people know you have heard what they said
• Ask question for clarification
The meaning of conflict
Latin: to strike two things together
Chinese: danger & opportunity
In groups of 2/3/4, think of and share if you have had a worthwhile relationship where there is no conflict at all.
What can be the benefits of conflict?
Is there such thing as a conflict free life?
Where can I find conflict?
Within groups: eg. S-Club/HC's/Admin
eg: S-Club v Admin
Between 2 collective parties:
eg. between 2 colleges
. between college and neighbours
. between college and media
Our Personal Experiences
Understanding how conflict affects us and how we respond to it will help us in our management of conflict situations.
We all have a 'default 'conflict management style
Has yours developed? Is it something you have given much thought to?
Failure to recognise conflict
Not 'win / lose'
Strong feelings cloud logical thinking
We tend to think we're right - stick to our guns and fail to back down and often will not stop to critically analyse, evaluate and consider a view other than our own
When you become engaged in a conflict, there are two major concerns you have to take into account:
1. Achieving your personal goals
2. Keeping a good relationship with the other person
The Turtle (withdrawing)
The shark (forcing)
The Teddy Bear (smoothing)
The fox (compromising)
The Owl (confronting)
What are you?
scan and insert image
Features of Conflict
A lasting resolution requires all sides of the triangle to be recognised and addressed:
What is important to the parties?
What are the barriers to them getting what is important for them?
What are the collective interests (the college!)
A possible solution - 'Principled Negotiation
People - separate from problem
Interests - not positions
Options - variety of possibilities
Criteria - result based on an objective standard
(Fisher and Ury 1991)
Conducting the 'Principled Negotiation'
Generate an environment of good communication
Well, we've nailed that guys!
Boundaries of discussion and disagreement planned and clearly understood
The manner in which discussion and disagreement is accepted is clearly understood
Open and timely
discuss the 'undiscussables'
The Constructive Outcomes of Conflict!
When managed skillfully, conflict can be of great constructive value to a group
Conflicts make us more aware of problems in our relationships that need to be solved
Conflicts encourage change
Conflicts energise and increase ones motivation to deal with problems
Conflicts make life more interesting
Better decisions are generally made when there is a disagreement about what the decision should be among ther persons responsible for making it
Conflicts reduce day-to-day irritations of relating to someone
Conflicts can help you to understand what you are like as a person
Conflicts can be fun when not taken too seriously
Conflicts can deepen and enrich a relationship, strengthening each person's conviction that the relationship can hold under stress, communicating the commitments and values of each person that the other must take into acount, and generally keeping the relationships clear of irritations and resentments so that positive feelings can be experienced fully
Conflicts can stimulate creativity by promoting an awareness of different ways of viewing problems and situations. Greater insights. reorientation
When a group enters into conflict with another group its cohesiveness increases and its sense of identity becomes clearer
Conflicts promote the social development of group members by reducing their cognitive egocentrism and promoting higher levels of cognitive and moral reasonings
"The new head of college wants to ban a traditional college event (e.g. Fresher Show) the student body are up in arms over this and want the committee to do something to prevent it”
"You have a fabulous idea to improve Lawrie Smart Shield events with some exciting new changes you want to implement. However during a meeting, other HC's members try to shoot down your idea. You fire up and argue back quite harshly, other members of your committee look visibly upset." (teeewww keen)
“The Student Club are throwing a massive prez' room party. It is getting very loose very quickly, all the students are loving it but Admin are not very pleased. Within 15 minutes of the party starting Bro J and the HC on duty have shut it down and Colin has been called in”
How will you handle it?
You receive a noise complaint from a room at 11pm. You go to the room to find 4 or 5 people listening to music quite loudly, however they are not drinking. You ask them to turn down their music and leave, yet an hour later you receive another noise complaint. How could you deal with this assertively? How can you avoid acting aggressive?
There is an event coming up at college. You have several Uni assignments to complete, and have been on duty the last two events. However other members of your team are insistent that is your turn to be sober/be on duty, when you would much rather spend the time doing uni work. How can this situation be handled assertively?
The Head of College has been instilled and now wants to make radical changes to Footy Show, making it a dry event to finish at 9. Discuss.
There is a second year group of boys referring to themselves as 'Seniors' acting as though they hold high authority in calling themselves seniors. How can you assertively tell them they need to readjust their attitude?
Two students in your house who share a room are having an argument. They usually get on well, however lately have been having small fights, and the situation has reached boiling point. The two are quite fired up and the situation needs diffusing. How can you mediate this situation assertively?
A group of Juniors and Seniors are 'dead ant-ing' Freshers. And when asked to stop snap back at the Student Club and HC members with "well you did it once". What do you do?
The Head of College is trying to make 4 HC's on duty for every pub night. Make an assertive response to the proposed idea.