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Communication styles

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Darya Drach

on 24 April 2014

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Transcript of Communication styles

What is the key to successful communication?
In order to build&develop
effective, assertive
communication skills first of all we should learn to

the different communication styles and
which one we use in our everyday life while communicating with family, friends or colleagues.
The Manipulative Style
This style is scheming, calculating and brainy. Manipulative communicators are skilled at influencing or controlling others to their own advantage. Their spoken words hide an underlying message, of which the other person may be totally unaware.
The Five Communication Styles
The Aggressive Style
This style is about winning - usually at the expense of another. An agressive person puts himself on the top,as if he has more rights,and have more to contribute than others
The Submissive
(or Passive) Style
This style is about pleasing other people,avoiding expressing their opinions or feelings, protecting their rights, and identifying and meeting their needs. A submissive person behaves as if other peoples' needs are more important, and other people have more rights and more to contribute.
The Passive-Aggressive Style
This is a style in which people appear passive on the surface, but are actually acting out their anger in indirect or behind-the-scenes ways. People who behave in this manner usually feel powerless and resentful, and express their feelings by subtly undermining the object (real or imagined) of their resentments – even if this ends up sabotaging themselves.
Different styles of communication.
The key to success.

Thank you for your attention!
Behaviour Characteristics
Frightening, threatening, loud, hostile
Willing to achieve goals at expense of others
Out to "win"
Demanding, abrasive
Explosive, unpredictable
Different kinds of behaviour and language are characteristics to the styles
The Aggressive Style
The Aggressive Style
Non-Verbal Behaviour
Voice – volume is loud
Posture – 'bigger than' others
Gestures - big, fast, sharp/jerky
Facial expression – scowl, frown, glare
Spatial position - Invade others' personal space, try to stand 'over' others
The Aggressive style
"You are crazy!"
"Do it my way!"
"That is just about enough out of you!"
“It’s all your fault.”
“You’re not worth anything.”
Sarcasm, name-calling, threatening, blaming, insulting.

The Aggressive Style
How do people feel after such communication
Defensive, aggressive (withdraw or fight back)
A loss of respect for the aggressive person
Mistakes and problems are not reported to an aggressive person in case they "blow up'. Others are afraid of being railroaded, exploited or humiliated.
The Submissive Style
Behaviour Characteristics
Apologetic (feel as if you are imposing when you ask for what you want)
Avoiding any confrontation
Finding difficulty in taking responsibility or decisions
Discounting own rights and needs
Opting out
Feeling like a victim
Blaming others for events
Refusing compliments
Inexpressive (of feelings and desires)
The Submissive Style
Non-Verbal Behaviour:
Voice – Volume is soft
Posture – make themselves as small as possible, head down
Gestures – twist and fidget
Facial expression – no eye contact
Spatial position – make themselves smaller/lower than others
Submissive behaviour is marked by a martyr-like attitude (victim mentality) and a refusal to try out initiatives, which might improve things.
The Submissive Style
"Oh, it's nothing, really."
"Oh, that's all right; I didn't want it anymore."
"You choose; anything is fine."
“I’m unable to stand up for my rights.”
“I don’t know what my rights are.”
“I get stepped on by everyone."
“I’m weak and unable to take care of myself.”
“People never consider my feelings.”
The Submissive style
How do people feel after such communication
You don't know what you want (and so discount you)
They can take advantage of you.
Others resent the low energy surrounding the submissive person and eventually give up trying to help them because their efforts are subtly or overtly rejected.

The Passive-aggressive style
Behaviour Characteristics:
Indirectly aggressive
Sly and tricky
Sulky (gloomy)
Two-faced - Pleasant to people to their faces, but poisonous behind their backs (rumours, sabotage etc.) People do things to actively harm the other party e.g. they sabotage a machine by loosening a bolt or put too much salt in their food.
Non-Verbal Behaviour:
Voice – Often speaks with a sugary sweet voice.
Posture – often asymmetrical – e.g. Standing with hand on hip, and hip thrust out (when being sarcastic or patronising)
Gestures – Can be jerky, quick
Facial expression – Often looks sweet and innocent
Spatial position – often too close, even touching other as pretends to be warm and friendly
The Passive-agressive style
The Passive-aggressive style
Passive-aggressive language is when you say something like "
Why don't you go ahead and do it
my ideas aren't very good anyway
" but maybe
with a little sting of irony
or even worse,
, such as "
You always know better in any case
"Oh don't you worry about me, I can sort myself out – like I usually have to."
“I will appear cooperative but I’m not.”
The passive-aggressive style
How do people feel after such communication:
The Manipulative Style
The Manipulative Style
The Manipulative Style
The Manipulative Style
The Manipulative Style
Behaviour Characteristics:
Cunning (tricky)
Controlling of others in an insidious way – for example, by sulking
Asking indirectly for needs to be met
Making others feel obliged or sorry for them.
Uses 'artificial' tears
Non-Verbal Behaviour:
Voice – patronising, envious, ingratiating, often high pitch
Facial expression – Can put on the 'hang dog" expression *shamefaced,guilty
"You are so lucky to have those chocolates, I wish I had some. I can't afford such expensive chocolates."
"I didn't have time to buy anything, so I had to wear this dress. I just hope I don't look too awful in it." ('Fishing' for a compliment).
How do people feel after such communication:
Angry, irritated or annoyed
Others feel they never know where they stand with a manipulative person and are annoyed at constantly having to try to work out what is going on.
The Assertive Style
Assertive communication is born of
high self-esteem
. It is the healthiest and most effective style of communication - the golden medium between being too aggressive and too passive. When we are assertive, we have the
to communicate without resorting to games or manipulation. We know our limits and don't allow ourselves to be pushed beyond them just because someone else wants or needs something from us. Unfortunately, Assertive is the style most people use least.
The Assertive Style
The Assertive Style
The Assertive Style
The Assertive Style
Behaviour Characteristics
Achieving goals without hurting others
Protective of own rights and respectful of others' rights
Socially and emotionally expressive
Making your own choices and taking responsibility for them
Asking directly for needs to be met, while accepting the possibility of rejection
Accepting compliments
Non-Verbal Behaviour
Voice – medium pitch and speed and volume
Posture – open posture, symmetrical balance, tall, relaxed, no fidgeting
Gestures – even, rounded, expansive
Facial expression – good eye contact
Spatial position – in control, respectful of others
"Please would you turn the volume down? I am really struggling to concentrate on my studies."
"I am so sorry, but I won't be able to help you with your project this afternoon, as I have a dentist appointment."
I speak clearly, honestly, and to the point.
I can’t control others but I can control myself.
I place a high priority on having my rights respected.
I am responsible for getting my needs met in a respectful manner.
I respect the rights of others.
Nobody owes me anything unless they’ve agreed to give it to me.
I’m 100% responsible for my own happiness
How do people feel after such communication
They can take the person at their word
They know where they stand with the person
The person can cope with justified criticism and accept compliments
The person can look after themselves
Respect for the person
Communicating assertively
is not a skill reserved for the very few –
anyone can do it
- but, it does take time and practice if it is not how you are used to communicating. It is a technique,so you can practice and master at home in your own time – either by yourself or with a friend you can trust to give you honest feedback. Remember to also
think about how the person you are talking to may react and how best you might cope with this.
We may be passive and not advocate for ourselves, aggressive and attempt to run roughshod over others, or passive-aggressive and smile while sabotaging others behind their backs, but to be happy we should learn to be assertive.
Assertiveness allows us to take care of ourselves, and is fundamental for good mental health and healthy relationships.
Prepared by Darya Drach
Full transcript