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Active Listening and Mediation
Transcript of Active Listening and Mediation
- looking away
-changing the subject
-"why don't you just..."
-"just relax and don't worry about it"
-"maybe you should get a
-"You had it coming, it sounds like"
-"what's probably REALLY bothering you is..."
-"You're just sensitive because..."
Minimizing/Making Light of
-"why did you do that?"
-"what about if you..."
-"don't worry about it, it will be fine"
-"you did your best, stop worrying"
Restating the content or emotion in what someone said by paraphrasing or identifying a feeling
Restating thoughts and feelings:
Provides an opportunity for clarification
Summarizes important elements of the story
Helps each person understand what the other feels
Allows the speaker to hear what they're saying repeated
Let's the speaker know they're being listened to
When the speaker says something you want to emphasize
when you want to redirect the conversation
during a lull in the conversation
- I don't know what I was thinking. All of my friends were doing it, and I didn't want to be the one to say no. I wish I never broke that window.
- So you feel sorry for breaking the window.
Mediation is a facilitated process in which stakeholders "discuss their concerns and issues and explore possible options for mutually satisfactory solutions to differences."
Types of negotiable Issues
Structure and Systems
-How people treat each other
-Sharing a space
-Communicating about problems
-Following through on promises and responsibilities
-The way people to their work
-How decisions are made
-Rules and regulations
an information exchange
a healing opportunity
a communication process
Issues that are not usually negotiable
-determining the truth of what happened
-determining fault and punishment
-pathological or abusive behaviors
-wide gap in power between parties (bullying)
-issues where the real decision maker is not present
-issues where people who may be affected by a decision is not represented
-issues requiring investigation and disclosure before fair negotiation can take place
-situations where the parties do not understand the complexities of the issue or their legal options
-situations where even one party is simply not interested in reaching mutual agreement
Good to discuss but not good to negotiate about
- describe process and role of mediators
- establish ground rules ***
-Each party descrives situation from own p.o.v.
- mediator summarizes each perspective
- listen for key issues/concerns, and commonalities
-mediator list joint issues
- check w/ all parties to make sure list is inclusive
- list can include less tangible as well as tangible
-choose one issue and ask participants to describe in depth
- encourage/acknowledge moments of indiviaul empowerment and/or recognition of the other
- participant's solve
-be specific about concrete agreements
- be balanced and nonjudgmental
-address approach for future problems
-Acknowledges what the person is saying without repeating insults or hurtful language
-Allows the speaker to hear a more constructive version of what they said
- Allows the other person to hear what the other person is trying to say without feeling insulted
- Steers the conversation into a more positive direction
- He is such a slob. of course I don't want to lend him my books.
- You are worried about lending your books because you need them to be returned in good condition.