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effective sentences

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Katarzyna Wasylak

on 25 July 2016

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Transcript of effective sentences

What's wrong with these sentences?

1. Working far into the night in an effort to salvage her little boat.
Run-ons and Fused Sentences
Run-ons and fused sentences are terms describing two independent clauses which are joined together with no connecting word or punctuation to separate the clauses.

INCORRECT: They weren't dangerous criminals they were detectives in disguise.
CORRECT: They weren't dangerous criminals; they were detectives in disguise.

INCORRECT: I didn't know which job I wanted I was too confused to decide.
CORRECT: I didn't know which job I wanted, and I was too confused to decide.

No main verb

Fragment:
A story with deep thoughts and emotions.
Possible Revisions:
Direct object: She told a story with deep thoughts and emotions.

Appositive: Gilman's "The Yellow Wallpaper," a story with deep thoughts and emotions, has impressed critics for decades.


Fragment:
Toys of all kinds thrown everywhere.
Possible Revisions:
Complete verb: Toys of all kinds were thrown everywhere.

Direct object: They found toys of all kinds thrown everywhere.

No Subject
• Fragment
: With the ultimate effect of all advertising is to sell the product.

Possible Revisions:
Remove preposition: The ultimate effect of all advertising is to sell the product.

• Fragment:
By paying too much attention to polls can make a political leader unwilling to propose innovative policies.

Possible Revisions:
Remove preposition: Paying too much attention to polls can make a political leader unwilling to propose innovative policies.

effective sentences
2. He enjoys walking through the country he often goes backpacking on his vacations.
3. Some of the students working in Professor Espinoza's laboratory last semester.
4. Even though he had the better arguments and was by far the more powerful speaker.
no subject
run-on sentence

sentence fragment
no verb
Sentence Fragments
Fragments are incomplete sentences. Usually, fragments are pieces of sentences that have become disconnected from the main clause. One of the easiest ways to correct them is to remove the period between the fragment and the main clause. Other kinds of punctuation may be needed for the newly combined sentence.

Fragment:
Purdue offers many majors in engineering. Such as electrical, chemical, and industrial engineering.

Possible Revision:
Purdue offers many majors in engineering, such as electrical, chemical, and industrial engineering.

• Fragment:
I need to find a new roommate. Because the one I have now isn't working out too well.

Possible Revision:
I need to find a new roommate because the one I have now isn't working out too well.

To punctuate sentences correctly, look at the position of the main clause and the subordinate clause.
If a subordinate clause precedes the main clause, use a comma.
If the subordinate clause follows the main cause, no punctuation is required.
subordinate
main
,
main
subordinate
Tracy Chevalier: Finding the story inside the painting
Painting as a text -
analysis
1. Why do we tell stories?
2. What details inspired her to create these stories?
3. What part of her analysis is based on:
the actual painting
other information
her hypotheses ?
DESCRIPTIVE ESSAY
To write a descriptive essay, you’ll need to describe a person, object, or event so vividly that the reader feels like he/she could reach out and touch it.
Guidelines for writing a descriptive essay:
Take time to brainstorm.
Use clear and concise language.
Choose vivid language.
Use your senses!
Leave the reader with a clear impression.
Be organized!
Synesthesia,
from the ancient Greek σύν (syn), "together", and αἴσθησις (aisthēsis), "sensation", is a neurological condition in which stimulation of one sensory or cognitive pathway leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory or cognitive pathway.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synesthesia
Describe:

The taste, smell, and texture of your favourite colour. Does it make any sound?

The colour, taste, and texture of your name.
Appropriate Language
When writing, it is very important to use language that fits your audience and matches purpose. Inappropriate language uses can damage your credibility, undermine your argument, or alienate your audience.
Levels of Formality
: Writing in a style that your audience expects and that fits your purpose is key to successful writing.
In-Group Jargon
: Jargon refers to specialized language used by groups of like-minded individuals. Only use in-group jargon when you are writing for members of that group. You should never use jargon for a general audience without first explaining it.
Slang and idiomatic expressions:
Avoid using slang or idiomatic expressions in general academic writing.
Deceitful language and Euphemisms:
Avoid using euphemisms (words that veil the truth, such as "collateral damage" for the unintended destruction of civilians and their property) and other deceitful language.
Biased language:
Avoid using any biased language including language with a racial, ethnic, group, or gender bias or language that is stereotypical.
I went to the automobile establishment to purchase a new vehicle.
What is wrong with these sentences?:
Beyond the shadow of a doubt, the novel is a masterpiece.
The club president said he plans to call it quits
When a student writes a paper, he must proofread carefully.
Avoiding sexist language
When a student writes a paper, he must proofread carefully.
Ask him to define the thesis.
Who dropped his ticket?
If man does not stop polluting his environment, mankind will perish.
When students write their papers, they should proofread carefully.
Ask the writer to define the thesis.
substitute a noun subject instead of a pronoun
use plural form
Who dropped a ticket?
drop the pronoun and substitute a nondescriptive article
the common man

chairman/chairwoman

businessman, businesswoman

congressman/congresswoman

salesman/saleswoman

fireman

stewardess



the average person, ordinary people
chair, presiding officer, chairperson
business executive, manager
congressional representative
sales clerk, salesperson
fire fighter
flight attendant
To revise the paragraph, you may want to add more details. Read the detail sentences below the paragraph. For each one, decide where to put the detail. Write the sentence number on the line.
Read "The Curse of the Dump"
Hieronymus Bosch, The Garden of Earthly Delights (fragment)
Write a descriptive essay (700-1000 words).
1. Describe your favourite memory.
2. Describe your worst nightmare/ most beautiful dream.
3. Describe the strangest place you've ever been to.
4. Describe an abandoned building/ spooky place.
5. Describe your favourite painting.
6. Describe the place where you used to spend a lot of time when you were a child.
7. Describe the most fascinating person you have ever met.
8. How do you imagine heaven/ hell? Describe it.
9. Describe your first day at SCAD.
10. Your idea.

Descriptive essay due in Class 7!
The compound noun, "clincher statement," comes from the word "clinch," which means to "settle and argument" or "finalize a deal."

The clincher statement re-states the topic sentence of a paragraph but treats the claim as confirmed rather than hypothesis.

In academic writing, each paragraph begins with a topic sentence, which tells the reader what that particular paragraph will discuss. The body of the paragraph offers some proof or
evidence for the statement put forth in the topic sentence. The final sentence is the clincher statement. Each paragraph should end with a clincher statement.
Subordination and Coordination
http://www.chompchomp.com/terms/coordinatingconjunction.htm
Coordinating conjunction
Conjunctive adverb
http://www.chompchomp.com/terms/conjunctiveadverb.htm
1. A woman reading a book was sitting there.



2. An old man was talking to "Annie," even though he was walking by himself.



3. This restaurant smelled badly and served terrible food.
Elaborate on these descriptions:
describe the woman, identify the book, specify where she was sitting, show her feelings and thoughts through body language and facial expression
describe the man (is he crazy? sad? talking to his pet rat? is he seeing things, or maybe suffers from multiple personality disorder? show his emotions, suggest his relationship with Annie in your description
describe the restaurant, what food they serve, what are the smells?
Homework:
1. Start writing an outline of the descriptive essay.
2. Read one of the articles from the list and bring it to next class:
(Refer to dropbox for the full list)

Don't (do not!) use contractions
(eg it's, he'll, it'd etc): always use the full form (it is/has, he will, it would/had).


Don't use colloquial language or slang
(eg kid, a lot of/lots of, cool)


Generally avoid phrasal verbs
(e.g. get off, get away with, put in etc): instead, use one word equivalents.


Avoid common but vague words and phrases
such as get, nice, thing. Your writing needs to be more precise.

Avoid overuse of brackets; don’t use exclamation marks or dashes;
avoid direct questions;
don’t use “etc”.

Always
use capital letters appropriately
and never use the type of language used in texting!

Response paper
A response paper is a formal and organized, though not very rigorously structured text (400-450 words) in which a student presents his/her ideas,
thoughts, and reflections inspired by a specific reading and related to the reading’s themes, concepts, theses, etc.

Peer Review
Author..... Reviewer....
-1 point for each mistake
1. Proper level of formality 1-10
2. Avoiding jargon and slang 1-10
3. Vague expressions and euphemisms 1-10
4. Biased language 1-10
5. Spelling and punctuation 1-10
6. Grammar 1-10
7. Contractions 1-10

Overall score 1-100
Subordinate conjunctions:
http://www.chompchomp.com/terms/subordinateconjunction.htm
Avoid personal language
Source: http://unilearning.uow.edu.au/academic/2div.html
TRANSITIONS
Paragraph transitions
More exercises on subordination and coordination:

http://highered.mheducation.com/sites/1259024717/student_view0/editing_skills/coordination_and_subordination/basic_practice_exercises_-_coordination_and_subordination.html

http://online.santarosa.edu/testbank/?11401

http://wps.ablongman.com/long_fowler_lbh_11/208/53326/13651612.cw/index.html

http://www.learnenglishfeelgood.com/english-subordinating-conjunctions2.html


more:
http://wps.ablongman.com/long_fowler_lbh_11/204/52318/13393657.cw/index.html

Even though Tracy would be late for work, she stopped to help the injured man.
Tracy stopped to help the injured man even though she would be late for work.
Hook
Introduction/ motivator
Thesis statement
Topic sentence 1
Supporting details
Transition
Topic sentence 2
Supporting details
Transition
Topic sentence 3
Supporting details
Transition
Reworded thesis statement
Conclusions
Clincher statement

1. In your own words, paraphrase the dominant impression the author provides about
the place being described.



2. In which paragraph or paragraphs is the description of the place and the writer's
experience of the place most interesting and why?



3. Where is the description of the writer's experience least successful and why?


4. Identify several places where the writer uses concrete microdetail and/or sensory
imagery effectively by placing a large exclamation point (!) next to them. Identify
places where the writer is vague or uses abstraction and place a dash (—) next to
them.


5. Identify several really good instances of “showing” in the essay and place a large
asterisk (*) in the margin opposite it. Identify an example of “telling” in the essay
and place a large X in the margin opposite it.


6. Additional remarks.
List of transitions:
https://www.msu.edu/~jdowell/135/transw.html
and
Not only
but also
also
In addition,
Moreover
Furthermore,
For example
For instance
In particular
Especially
One reason
Another reason is
but
However
Nevertheless
Otherwise
Instead
By contrast
yet
However
Nevertheless
At the same time
Although
Even though
Similarly
In the same way,
Likewise
;for that reason
As a result
Therefore
In consequence
So
Hence
Firstly
Secondly
What is more
Finally
In conclusion
Meanwhile
Undeniably,
indeed,
This is because
they were, above all
Firstly
For instance
Moreover
also
Secondly
For example
In this regard
Finally
It is easy since
Here
In conclusion
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