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The Leadership Programme - Covey's habits

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Esther de Zeeuw

on 20 September 2016

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Transcript of The Leadership Programme - Covey's habits

The TopFem Leadership Programme 2016-2017






1 TopFem
1 Leadership Programme
15 talented young women
8 months
7 habits

are combinations of
, and
The '7 Covey habits' contain a Maturity Continuum of three 3 paradigms:

Paradigm 1
= Dependence (You take care of me; you come through for me; you didn't come through; I blame you for the results.)

Paradigm 2
= Independence (I can do it; I am responsible; I am self-reliant; I can choose.)

Paradigm 3
= Interdependence (We can do it: we can cooperate; we can combine our talents and abilities and create something greater together.)

= being responsible for our own lives, as human beings. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen.
people in daily life:
It would make no difference to proactive people what the (social) weather is like. Proactive people are value driven; and if their value is to produce good quality work, it isn't a function of whether the weather is conducive to it or not. Reactive people are often affected by their physical environment. If the 'social weather' is good, they feel good. If it isn't, it affects their attitude and their performance.
1. Taking the initiative:
Taking initiative is what distinguishes proactive people from reactive people.

2. Act or be acted upon:
To act proactive it takes to face the situation of reality AND choose to change this situation by using creativity and resourcefulness.

3. Listening to our language:
Your language is an indicator of the degree to which you see yourself as proactive.

4. The Circle of Concern versus the Circle of Influence:

Proactive people enlarge their circle of influence.

5. Direct control - Indirect control - No control:
The problems you face fall in one of three areas: direct, indirect or no control.

6. Expanding the Circle of Influence
Realize that in choosing your response to circumstances, you can powerfully affect your circumstances.

Reactive language:
"That's me. That's just the way I am." >>> There's nothing I can do about it.
"He makes me so mad!" >>> My emotional life is governed by something outside my control.
"I can't do that. I just don't have the time." >>> Something outside me (limited time) is controlling me.
"I have to do it." >>> Circumstances or other people are forcing me to do what I do, I'm not free to choose my own actions.

Proactive Language:

"Oke, let's look at our alternatives ..."
"I can choose a different approach ..."
"I can create a more effective presentation ..."
"I will choose an appropriate response ..."
"I choose to ..."
"I prefer ..."
"I will ..."

Proactive focus
Reactive focus
Examples in the circle of Influence:
Business you start, where you live, what skills you learn, what you read/write, places you travel to, how you vote, how often you exercise, etc.

Examples in the circle of concern:
The news, the stock exchange, politics, the weather, what other people think of you, traffic jams, what he/she said, etc.
Direct control
are problems involving our own behavior.
Direct control problems are solved by working on our habits. They are within our Circle of Influence. And relate to Covey's Habits 1, 2, and 3.

Indirect control
are problems involving other people's behavior.
Indirect control problems are solved by changing our methods of influence. These relate to Habits 4, 5, and 6.

No control are
problems we can do nothing about, such as our past or situational realities.
No control problems (e.g. the weather) involve taking the responsibility to change the line on the bottom on our face: smile and accept these problems and learn to live with them, even though we don't like them. In this way, we do not empower these problems to control us.
Proactivity: the 30-days challenge
I would challenge you to test the principle of proactivity for 30 days. Simply try it and see what happens. For 30 days work only in your Circle of Influence. Make small commitments and keep them. Be a light, not a judge. Be a model, not a critic. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Try it in your relationship, in your family, in your job. Don't argue for other people's weaknesses. Don't argue for your own. When you make a mistake, admit it, correct it, and learn from it. Don't get into a blaming, accusing mode. Work on things you have control over. Work on you.

Look at the weaknesses of others with compassion, not accusation. It's not what they're not doing or should be doing that's the issue. The issue is your own chosen response to the situation and what you should be doing. If you start to think the problem is "out there," stop yourself. That thought is the problem.
Proactivity: the 30-days challenge
1. The first three days of the programme, you listen to your language and to the language of the people around you. How often do you use and hear reactive phrases such as "If only he would ...," "I can't, ..." or "I have to ..."?
2. Then, try to identify an experience you might encounter in the near future where, based on past experience, you would probably behave reactively. Review the situation in the context of your Circle of Influence. How could you respond proactively? Take a moment to think about this. Thereafter, create the experience vividly in your mind, picturing yourself responding in a proactive manner. Remind yourself of the gap between stimulus and response. Make a commitment to yourself to exercise your freedom to choose.
3. No later than Friday October 2nd, you select two problems from your work, internship, study, 'studentenvereniging', sports club, or personal life that are frustrating to you. Determine whether they are direct, indirect, or no control problems. Identify the first step you can take in your Circle of Influence to solve the problems. Write down the following on maximum 1 A4: explain both problems, explain the type of problems (direct or indirect), and the way you have planned to encounter the problems. Send these two pages to your peer-mentor via email (the Programme Manager in the CC).
6. Send your 30-days challenge (incl. the 2 problems, your approaches, and your experiences) before Monday October 26th to info@topfem.nl and mention 'LP 30-days challenge' in the email title.
Dependent people need others to get what they want. Independent people can get what they want through their own effort. Interdependent people combine their own efforts with the efforts of others to achieve their greatest success.

Being independent empowers us to act rather than be acted upon. It frees us from our dependence on circumstances and other people and therefore it is a worthy, liberating goal. But being independent is not the ultimate goal, since independent people are good individual producers but they will never be good leaders or team players.

Interdependence is a far more advanced concept. Interdependent people are self-reliant and capable, but also realize that working together can accomplish more than working alone. As an interdependent person, you have the opportunity to share yourself deeply, meaningfully, with others, and have access to the vast resources and potential of other human beings.

Habits 1, 2, and 3
will deal with self-mastery. They move a person from dependence to independence. These habits work from the 'inside-out'. As you become independent, you have the foundation for working to becoming interdependent with
habits 4, 5, and 6

The Seven Habits are habits of effectiveness. Because they are based on principles, they bring the maximum long-term beneficial results possible. They become the basis of a person's character from which an individual can effectively solve problems, maximize opportunities, and continually learn and integrate other principles in an upward spiral of growth.

4. Try to work for 30 days on the test of proactivity. Write down every week what you have learned and what your experiences are. Be aware of the change in your Circle of Influence.
5. Discuss the following topics with your peer-mentor halfway the 30-days challenge:
1 ) share your experiences regarding bullet point nr 1; 2) explain the problems you have written down, 3) explain how you have encountered the problems and; 4) discuss what the results are (so far).
Imagine... Your own funeral
Think deeply about the following questions:
What would you like each of the speakers on your funeral to say about you and your life?
What would you like them to say about how you were as a girlfriend, friend, sister, daughter, cousin, or colleague?
What character would you like them to have seen in you?
What contributions and achievements would you want them to remember?
What difference would you like to have made in the lives of people around you?

Before you read further, take a few minutes to jot down your impressions. It will greatly increase your personal understanding of Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind.
It ...
is starting with a clear understanding of your destination
is knowing where you're going, so that you better understand where you are now and whether you are taken steps in the right direction.
gives you permission to say 'no' to the things that are distractions.
What is beginning with the end in mind?
Stephen Covey says we can use our imagination to develop a vision of what we want to become and to decide what values will guide us.

Beginning with the end in mind, is essential because it is incredibly easy to get caught up in the busyness of life and to climb the ladder of success (e.g. promotions, higher income, more recognition). But we don't often stop to evaluate the meaning behind this busyness and successes. We don't ask ourselves if these things that we focus on are what really matter to us.

Covey's habit 2 suggests that, in everything we do, we should begin with the end in mind. By starting with a clear destination, we can make sure the steps we’re taking are in the right direction.

If you carefully consider what you want people to say about you on your funeral, your definition of success may be very different from the definition of success (e.g. fame, achievement, money) that you thought you had in mind. Writing a personal mission statement may therefore help you to focus on a daily basis to focus on the things that contribute to your definition of success.
(top line) = What are the things I want to accomplish?
(bottom line) = How can I best accomplish certain things?

In the words of both Peter Drucker and Warren Bennis, "Management is doing things right;
leadership is doing the right things." Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall.
Figurative Story Example:
Leadership vs Management
Imagine a group of producers cutting their way through the jungle with machetes. They're the producers, the problem solvers. They're cutting through the undergrowth, clearing it out.

The managers are behind them, sharpening their machetes, writing policy and procedure manuals, holding muscle development programs, bringing in improved technologies, and setting up working schedules and compensation programs for machete wielders.

What managers often say is: "Shut up! We're making progress."

While the leader is the one who climbs the tallest tree, surveys the entire situation, and yells, "Wrong jungle!"

People are in need of a vision or designation (a set of principles or directions) and less in need of a road map. We often don't know what the terrain ahead will be like or what we need to go through it.

Story of a president of an oil company:
"I looked at my role as the president of this company and realized that I had never been into leadership. I was deep into management, buried by pressing challenges and the details of day-to-day logistics. So I decided to withdraw from management. I could get other people to do that. I wanted to really lead my organization."

"It was hard. I went through withdrawal pains because I stopped dealing with a lot of the pressing, urgent matters that were right in front of me and which gave me a sense of immediate accomplishment. I didn't receive much satisfaction as I started wrestling with the direction issues, the culture-building issues, the deep analysis of problems, the seizing of new opportunities. Others also went through withdrawal pains from their working style comfort zones. They missed the easy accessibility I had given them before. They still wanted me to be available to them, to respond, to help solve their problems on a day-to-day basis."

"But I persisted. I was absolutely convinced that I needed to provide leadership. And I did.
Today our whole business is different. We're more in line with our environment. We have doubled our revenues and quadrupled our profits. I'm into leadership.
Real Example:
Leadership vs Management
Summary of Covey's Habit 2
The basics of Habit 2
Your Personal Mission Statement
Covey emphasizes that your self-awareness empowers you to shape your own live, instead of living your live by default, or basing your live on the standards and preferences of others. Before you, as an individual, can start setting and achieving your goals, you must be able to identify your values. This process may involve some '
"Changing some of the basic paradigms that you have, to recognize ineffective scripts that have been written for you and proactively write your own with your own values."
A personal mission statement is an effective way to begin with the end in mind. A personal mission statement focuses on what you want to be (character), what you have to do (contributions and achievements), and on your values and principles. Because each individual is unique, a personal mission statement will reflect that uniqueness, both in content and form.
Example of a Mission Statement
Succeed at home first.
Seek and merit divine help.
Never compromise with honesty.
Remember the people involved.
Hear both sides before judging.
Obtain counsel of others.
Defend those who are absent.
Be sincere yet decisive.
Develop one new proficiency a year.
Plan tomorrow's work today.
Hustle while you wait.
Maintain a positive attitude.
Keep a sense of humor.
Be orderly in person and in work.
Do not fear mistakes -- fear only the absence of creative, constructive, and corrective responses to
those mistakes.
Facilitate the success of subordinates.
Listen twice as much as you speak.
Concentrate all abilities and efforts on the task at hand, not worrying about the next job or
Example of a
A Mission Statement
I will seek to balance career and family as best I can since both are important to me.
My home will be a place where I and my family, friends, and guests find joy, comfort, peace, and happiness. Still I will seek to create a clean and orderly environment, yet livable and comfortable. I will exercise wisdom in what we choose to eat, read, see, and do at home. I especially want to teach my children to love, to learn, and to laugh -- and to work and develop their unique talents. I value the rights, freedoms, and responsibilities of our democratic society. I will be a concerned and informed citizen, involved in the political process to ensure my voice is heard and my vote is counted. I will be a self-starting individual who exercises initiative in accomplishing my life's goals. I will act on situations and opportunities, rather than to be acted upon. I will always try to keep myself free from addictive and destructive habits. I will develop habits that free me from old labels and limits and expand my capabilities and choices. My money will be my servant, not my master. I will seek financial independence over time. My wants will be subject to my needs and my means. Except for long-term home and car loans, I will seek to keep myself free from consumer debt. I will spend less than I earn and regularly save or invest part of my income. Moreover, I will use what money and talents I have to make life more enjoyable for others through service and charitable giving.
Identifying your centers and the underlying principles is important to be able to develop your mission statement. Whatever is at the center of your life will also affect your security, guidance, wisdom, and power. Thus, your center affects you fundamentally and determines your daily decisions, actions, motivations, and interpretation of events.

In the underlying two slides you can see two examples of Personal Mission Statements.
Your security is founded on family acceptance & fulfilling family expectations; your actions are limited by family models and traditions.
Your personal worth is determined by your net worth; profit is your decision-making criteria.
You tend to define yourself by your occupational role; you make your decisions based on the needs and expectations of your work.
Your security is based on your reputation, your social status, or the tangible things you possess; you tend to compare what you have to what others have.
You make decisions based on what will give the most pleasure; you see the world in terms of what's in it for you.
Your security is a function of the social mirror; you are highly dependent on the opinions of others.
You find identity and security in religious labels and comparisons.
Challenge yourself to test the principle of beginning with the end in mind by doing the following:

1. The LinkedIn-assignment.

2. Developing your personal mission statement.

3. Start your TopFem research.
The assignments of this month
Most companies have corporate mission statements. Mission statements are designed to provide direction to an organization, an enduring statement of purpose. It explains the organization’s reason for being, and answers the question, “What business are we in?”

A personal mission statement is a bit different from a company mission statement, but the fundamental principles are the same. Writing a personal mission statement offers you the opportunity to establish what’s important and guides you in making decisions before your even start a career.

The biggest problem most people face is not in wanting to have a personal mission statement, but actually writing it. So, to help you get started on your personal mission statement, TopFem will guide you in working on it this month, to keep the end in mind!

Personal mission statement
Covey states that none of the centers as mentioned on the last slide are optimal. Instead of focusing on these centers, you should strive to be principle-centered. Principles are unchanging and timeless, and they affect different aspects of your life (next slide). Thus, your principles determine how to live your life. This could give you the guidance you need to align your behavior with your beliefs and values.
Determine your principles
Beginning with the end in mind is based on principles of personal leadership.
Leadership is different from management. Management will be discussed in Habit 3.
Personal leadership is not a one-time only experience, and it does not start nor end with writing your personal
mission statement. Personal leadership is an ongoing process of keeping your values in mind.
There are many videos about the differences between leadership and management. For an example that provides more inspiration, watch:
You can read more information about the assignments in the document 'LP November opdrachten'. Meet your peer-mentor(s) at least once this month and discuss how you both are dealing with the above three assignments. Enjoy this month's assignments and we'll meet up again on November 26th!
Covey says in Habit 3 'First Things First' that we must have the discipline to prioritize our day-to-day actions based on what is most important (not what is most urgent ) in order to manage ourselves effectively. Habit 3 is based in Habits 1 and 2.

Habit 1 says, "You're the creator. You are in charge.” It's based on the four unique human endowments of imagination, conscience, independent will, and self-awareness. It empowers you to change your script, and change.

Habit 2 is the first or mental creation. It's based on 1) imagination: the ability to envision, to see the potential, to create with our minds what we cannot at present see without eyes, and 2) conscience: the ability to detect our own uniqueness and the personal, moral, and ethical guidelines within which we can most happily fulfill it. It's the deep contact with our basic paradigms and values and the vision of what we can become.

Habit 3
Habit 3 is the physical realization of habit 1 and 2. Habit 3 is all about actually going after the goals that you have set (in Your Personal Mission Statement), and executing on our priorities on a day-to-day basis. In order to maintain the discipline and the focus to stay on track toward our goals, we need to have the willpower to do something when we don’t want to do it. We need to act according to our values rather than our desires or impulses at any given moment. Thus, it's the exercise of independent will toward becoming principle-centered.
"What's urgent is seldom important. What's important is seldom urgent."
- Dwight Eisenhower
Will you take just a moment and think about the following two questions?
Your answers will be important as you begin work on Habit 3.

Question 1:
What one thing could you do (you aren't doing now) that if you did on a regular basis, would make a tremendous positive difference in your personal life?
Question 2:
What one thing in your professional life would bring similar results?
Time Management Matrix
According to Covey, all activities can be categorized in the Time Management Matrix (TMM). The TMM is based on two factors: urgent and important. Take a look at this time management matrix.
Q I: Important and Urgent – crises, deadline-driven projects, and pressing problems
Q II: Important and Not Urgent – preparation, planning, and relationship building
Q III: Not Important and Urgent – interruptions, most phone calls and mail and reports
Q IV: Not Important and Not Urgent – trivia, busywork, time wasters, and escape activities
The Management matrix
The four Quadrants
Work-related examples
of 4-quadrant activities
If you sit and think about it for a while, you’ll realize that most of the time you is on doing things in quadrants I and III. People mostly react to urgent matters and spend their time doing things that are not important. However, most of the really valuable things in life are in quadrant II. It is often difficult to brush aside things in quadrant I and III (writing articles, specific work and household tasks) to do things in quadrant II (quality family time, serious planning).

If we focus on Quadrant I
and spend our time managing crises and problems, it keeps getting bigger and bigger until it consumes us. This leads to stress, or even a burnout.

If we focus on Quadrant III
, we spend most of our time reacting to matters that seem urgent, when the reality is their perceived urgency is based on the priorities and expectations of others. This leads to short-term focus, feeling out of control, and shallow or broken relationships.

If we focus on Quadrant IV
, we are basically leading an irresponsible life. This often leads to getting fired from jobs and being highly dependent on others.
The MTT problem:
How we spend our time
The MTT solution:
How we should spend your time

We should focus on a day-to-day basis on Quadrant II.

Quadrant II
is at the heart of effective personal management. It deals with things like building relationships, long-term planning, exercising, preparation. In other words, all things we know we need to do, but somehow seldom get around to actually doing, because they don’t feel urgent.
Other examples of the 4-quadrant activities
Quote from Covey:
"Urgent matters are usually visible. They press on us, they insist on action. They're often popular with others. They're usually right in front of us. And often they are pleasant, easy, fun to do. But so often they are unimportant!

Importance, on the other hand, has to do with results. If something is important, it contributes to your mission, your values, your high priority goals."
Thus, Covey's conclusion is that
we should not focus on urgent activities
. Instead,
we should focus on important things
("first things") by setting principle-based goals. Try to do the right thing, for the right reason, in the right way.
In Habit 3 Covey introduces a revolutionary personal management tool that shifts the idea of time management into priority management. Covey argues that there is actually no such thing as time management. One cannot manage time any better, if time is not tied to priorities. Covey believes that the more time you spend doing things that are both important and are not necessarily “urgent,” the better you have become at managing your personal life. How to prioritize your tasks and goals
How to prioritize your tasks and goals
Why weekly planning is smarter than daily planning
This month, you will learn:
What is Habit 4 'Think Win/Win' about?
Read the summary here!
Summary Think Win/Win
Thinking Win-Win is a paradigm of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions.

People often learn to base their self-worth on comparisons and competition. They think about succeeding in terms of someone else failing: if I win, you lose; or if you win, I lose. Life becomes a competitive arena.

Instead, ‘win-win’ sees life as a cooperative arena, not a competitive one. Win-win means agreements are mutually beneficial and satisfying.

We should seek agreements and relationships that are mutually beneficial. In cases where a win/win deal cannot be achieved, accept the fact that agreeing to make “no deal” may be the best alternative. In developing an organizational culture as a leader, be sure to reward win/win behavior among employees and avoid inadvertently rewarding win/lose behavior.
The 3 Vital Character Traits
= sticking with your true feelings, values, and commitments
= expressing your ideas and feelings with courage and consideration for the ideas and feelings of others
Abundance Mentality
Abundance Mentality =
believing there is plenty for everyone
The opposite of Abundance Mentality is Scarcity Mentality, which is operating as if everything is zero-sum. In other words, if you get it, I don’t. People with the Scarcity Mentality have a very hard time sharing recognition and find it difficult to be genuinely happy about other people’s successes. Their sense of worth comes from someone else's failure, by which they are kept "in their place". It's difficult for people with a Scarcity Mentality to be complementary to others.
The 6 paradigms of human interaction
How many times have you heart the following statements? What do you think of these statements?
Covey explains that all the above statements can never create a win/win agreement/situation.
Introduction to the presentation
1. Win-Win
2. Win-Lose
3. Lose-Win
4. Lose-Lose
5. Win
6. No deal
is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win-Win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial, mutually satisfying. With a Win-Win solution, all parties feel good about the decision and feel committed to the action plan.
The Win-Lose paradigm literally means: “If I win, you lose.” Win-Lose people are prone to use position, power, credentials, and personality to get their way. Win-lose is the authoritarian leadership style: "I get my way; you don't get yours."

Lose-Win people are quick to please and appease, and seek strength from popularity or acceptance.
Lose-Lose means that both people lose. The result of a situation is Lose-Lose when two Win-Lose people, because they are two determined, stubborn, ego-invested individuals.
People with the Win mentality don’t necessarily want someone else to lose or win. Thinking about someone else is irrelevant. What matters is that they get what they want.
No deal
If you can’t reach an agreement that is mutually beneficial (because of opposite values/goals), there is no deal.
Win-Win is the best paradigm of all 6 paradigms. With Win-Lose, or Lose-Win, one person appears to get what he wants for the moment, but the results will negatively impact the relationship between those two people going forward.
The 'No Deal situation' is important to use as a backup for the 'Win-Win situation'. When we have No Deal as an option in our mind, it liberates us from needing to manipulate people and push our own agenda. We can be open and really try to understand the underlying issues.
Most people tend to think in terms of dichotomies: strong or weak, hard or soft, win or lose. But that kind of thinking if fundamentally wrong. It's based on power and position rather than on principle. Win-Win is based on the paradigm that there is plenty for everybody, that one person's success is not achieved at the expense or exclusion of the success of others.

Win-Win is a belief in the Third Alternative. It's not your way or my way; it's a better way, a higher way
Most people have been deeply scripted in the Win-Lose mentality since birth. When one child is compared with another, and when patience/understanding/love is given/withdrawn on the basis of such comparison, people are into Win-Lose thinking. Whenever love is given on a conditional basis, when someone has to earn love, they will start thinking they are not intrinsically valuable or lovable. Value does not lie inside them, it lies outside.
Many people focus on winning at someone else's expense. But these defensive minds are neither creative nor cooperative. There is no synergy. At best this results in compromise. Certainly there is a place for Win-Lose thinking in truly competitive and low-trust situations. But most of life is not a competition. We don't have to live each day competing with our spouse, our children, our co-workers, our neighbors, and our friends.
Statements from people with a Lose-Win paradigm are: "I lose, you win." "Go ahead. Have your way with me." "Step on me again. Everyone does." "I'm a loser. I've always been a loser." "I'm a peacemaker. I'll do anything to keep peace."
Lose-win is worse than win-lose because it has no standards, no demands, no expectations, no vision. People who think lose-win are usually quick to please or appease. They have little courage to express their own feelings and convictions and are easily intimidated by the ego strength of others. In negotiation, Lose-Win is seen as capitulation. In leadership style, it's permissiveness or indulgence. Win-Lose people love Lose-Win people because they can feed on them. They love their weaknesses and take advantage of it.
Both Win-Lose and Lose-Win are weak positions, based in personal insecurities.
In a divorce the husband was directed by the judge to sell the car and turn over 50% to his ex-wife. In compliance, he sold their car worth over $10,000 for $50 and gave $25 to his ex-wife.

Some people become so centered on an enemy, so totally obsessed with the behavior of another person that they become blind to everything except their desire for that person to lose, even if it means losing themselves.

Lose-Lose is also the philosophy of the highly dependent person without inner direction who is miserable and thinks everyone else should be, too. "If nobody ever wins, perhaps being a loser isn't so bad.
When there is no sense of contest or competition, the 'Win-paradigm' is probably the most common approach in everyday negotiations. A person with the Win-mentality thinks in terms of securing his own ends, and leaves others to secure theirs.
The Win-Win Paradigm
In the next slides, the most important elements
of Habit 4 'Think Win/Win' will be elaborated on.
Covey's habits 1, 2, and 3 help us develop and maintain integrity. As we clearly identify our values and proactively execute around those values on a daily basis, we develop self-awareness and independent will by making and keeping meaningful promises and commitments.

There's no way to go for a Win in our own lives if we don't even know whether it is harmonious with our innermost values. And if we can't make and keep commitments to ourselves as well as to others, our commitments become meaningless. We know it; others know it. Others will sense duplicity. If there's no foundation of trust, Win-Win becomes an ineffective superficial technique.
Integrity is the cornerstone in the foundation.
Many psychological tests used for hiring/training purposes are designed to evaluate Maturity. According to Covey, these tests look for both

' focuses on getting result (the product/service), while '
' focuses on the long-term welfare of the way the result is achieved (the people/the machine/the stakeholders).
The Abundance Mentality, on the other hand, flows out of a deep inner sense of personal worth and security. Abundance Mentality means that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. It opens possibilities, options, and creativity.

The Abundance Mentality takes the personal fulfillment of Habits 1, 2, and 3 and turns it outward, appreciating the uniqueness and the proactive nature of others. It recognizes the unlimited possibilities for positive interactive growth and development.
A character rich in: 1) integrity, 2) maturity, and 3) the Abundance Mentality is important for developing a Win-Win mentality.

Covey recommends to people with a Win-Lose mentality, who want to develop themselves into gaining a Win-Win mentality, to associate with a model or a mentor who really thinks Win-Win. Because, when people are deeply scripted in Win-Lose (or other paradigms) and regularly associate with others who are likewise scripted, they don't have much opportunity to see and experience the Win-Win mentality in action.

The 3 Vital Character Traits
is highly important in relationships. Trust is the
Emotional Bank Account.
With a low Emotional Bank Account there is a lack of trust, by which we lack the credibility for open, mutual learning and communication.

But if our Emotional Bank Account is high, credibility is no longer an issue. Enough deposits have been made so that you know and I know that we deeply respect each other. We're focused on the issues, not on positions. Because we trust each other, we're open. Even though we see things differently.
Dealing with a 'Win-Lose person' is the real test for a 'Win-Win person'.
When you're dealing with a person who is coming from a paradigm of Win-Lose, you will have to focus on your
Circle of Influence
. You make
deposits into the Emotional Bank Account
through genuine courtesy, respect, and appreciation for that person and for his/her point of view. You stay longer in the communication process. You listen more, in greater depth. You aren't reactive. You go deeper inside yourself for strength of character to be proactive. You keep hammering it out until the other person begins to realize that you genuinely want the resolution to be a real win for both of you. That very process is a tremendous deposit in the Emotional Bank Account.
From relationships flow the agreements that give definition and direction to win-win.
Win-Win Agreements cover a wide scope of interdependent interaction. There are
5 elements
that provide the structure for Win-Win Agreements between people who need to interact to accomplish an agreement.
1. Desired results
(not methods)
identify what is to be done and when.
2. Guidelines

specify the parameters (principles, policies, etc.) within which results are to be accomplished
3. Resources >
identify the human, financial, technical, or organizational support available to help accomplish the results.
4. Accountability >
sets up the standards of performance and the time of evaluation.
5. Consequences >
specify (good vs. bad, natural vs. logical) what does and will happen as a result of the evaluation.
These 5 elements give Win-Win Agreements a life of their own.
Introduction story from Stephen Covey
The Win-Win paradigm can only survive if the organizational system supports it. If you, as a leader, talk Win-Win but reward Win-Lose (just like the CEO in the introduction story from Stephen Covey on the first slide), you've got a losing organization in your hands! Thus, very often the problem is in a bad system, not in the people.

As people really learn to Think Win-Win, they can set up the a organizational system that reinforces Win-Win thinking. If you, as a leader, want to achieve certain goals and reflect the organizational values in your mission statement, then you need to align the reward system with these goals and values. If it isn't aligned systematically, you won't be walking your talk.

There's no way to achieve a Win-Win culture with Win-Lose or Lose-Win means. You can't say, "You're going to Think Win-Win, whether you like it or not." So the question becomes how to arrive at a Win-Win solution.
4-step process:
See the problem from the other point of view. Really seek to understand and give expression to the needs and concerns of the other party as well as or better than they can themselves.
Identify the key issues and concerns involved.
Determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution.
Identify possible new options to achieve those results.
Habits 5 and 6 deal directly with two of these elements, and we will go into those in the coming two months! :)
Think Win-Win is the fourth habit of Covey that is based on the Win-Win paradigm of human interaction. The principle of Win-Win is fundamental to success in all our interactions.

That is why this 'Think Win-Win' involves principles of
interpersonal leadership
. Effective interpersonal leadership requires vision, proactive initiative, guidance, wisdom, and power that come from principle-centered personal leadership.

In the
following 5 slides, 5 elements
will be elaborated on that are essential to fully acquire the Win-Win paradigm as a person.
This month, we're going to challenge ourselves to Think Win-Win. The assignments of this month are:

1. Four Win-Win assignments

2. Your TopFem research.
The assignments of this month
You can read more information about the assignments in the document 'LP January assignments'. Try to meet your peer-mentor(s) this month and discuss with each other how you both are dealing with the assignments of this month.

Enjoy this month's assignments and we'll meet up again on January 28th in DoubleTree!
One time Covey was asked to work with a company whose CEO was very concerned about the lack of cooperation among his managers. "Our basic problem is that they're selfish," the CEO said. "They just won't cooperate. I know if they would cooperate, we could produce so much more. Can you help us develop a human-relations program that will solve the problem?"

"Is your problem the people or the paradigm?" Covey asked. "Look for yourself," the CEO replied. So Covey did. And he found that there was a real selfishness, and unwillingness to cooperate, a resistance to authority, defensive communication. There was no culture of trust.

But Covey pressed the question. "Let's look at it deeper," he suggested. "Why don't your people cooperate? What is the reward for not cooperating?" "There's no reward for not cooperating," the CEO assured Covey. "The rewards are much greater if they do cooperate. "Are they?" Covey asked.

Behind a curtain on one wall of the CEO's office was a chart. On the chart were a number of racehorses all lined up on a track. Superimposed on the face of each horse was the face of one of his managers. At the end of the track was a beautiful travel poster, an idyllic picture of blue skies and a white sandy beach.

Once a week, the CEO would bring all his managers into this office to say: "Let's all work together. We'll all make more money if we do." Then he would pull the curtain and say: "Now which of you is going to win the trip to this island?"

The CEO wanted his managers to work together, but he was setting them up in competition with each other. One manager's success meant failure for the other managers.
"If winning doesn't matter, then why do they keep score?
Winning is in everything, it is the only thing.
Second place is the first loser.
If you ain't first, you're last
Nobody ever remembers anybody who finished second at anything.
High Courage
Low Consideration
= Win-Lose. A strong and ego bound person who has courage of his/her own convictions, but isn't considerate of others.

Low Courage
High Consideration
= Lose-Win. So highly considerate of others convictions and desires that he/she won't have the courage to express and actualize his/her own feelings and thoughts.

High Courage & Consideration
= Win-Win.
1.Ignoring: not really listening at all.
2.Pretending: humming along while not really following.
3.Selective listening: hearing what you want to hear.
4.Attentive listening: paying attention to the words.
5.Empathic listening: intending to understand what the other is trying to communicate.

People tend to filter the information they receive through their own paradigms, reading their autobiography into other people's lives, or projecting their own home movies onto other people's behavior. When another person is speaking, we usually "listen" at one of four levels: ignoring, pretending, selective listening, or attentive listening.
But, we should be using the fifth, highest form of listening:
empathic listening
There is a common tendency to try and fix things with ‘good’ advice. Things are not your problem and yet you immediately associate the problem with your own experiences and before you know you blurt out an advice. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? But how helpful is such an advice? Covey explicitly puts a focus on listening by heart, which goes further than techniques can take you.

Many people (and leaders) are mistaking talking for listening. When the following replies are given to someone who is talking, this person is probably doing anything but listening: “I went through the very same thing. Let me tell you about my experience.” Or: “Oh, I know exactly how you feel.”

How can you understand the other with a few words and reply with an entire story?
Simple: you can’t! Most times, you try to understand someone else by relating his story to your own experiences. If this is all you do, you are seeing the other as if he is you. But he is not! Relating to your own experiences is not a good start for true understanding.

Giving your employees/colleagues the feeling that you (as a leader) are truly listening, has great impact on them. Once an employee has the feeling that you are really listening, this person will ask you what your opinion is. This person will want to know if you had similar experiences and how you acted. And isn't this exactly what you want as a leader... people listening to you!?
Summary Habit 5
5 types of listening
according to Covey:
Empathic Listening
Empathic listening
is listening with intent to understand the other person's frame of reference and feelings. Empathic listening is NOT about agreeing with the other (showing sympathy). It is about truly understanding what message the other is trying to convey. Therefore, you must listen with your ears, your eyes and your heart. Empathic listening is a tremendous deposit into the emotional bank account. Because, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival: being understood, affirmed, validated, and then being appreciated.

Empathic listening
is risky. It takes a great deal of security to go into a deep listening experience because you open yourself up to being influenced. You become vulnerable. In order to have influence, you must be influenced.

Understand the other first , and then be understood

First, TRUYLY understand the other person:
By understanding and giving another person your full attention, you can learn his/her paradigms through which he/she views the world. Then you can try to resolve the differences to work together.

To be understood, you have to repeat the words of the other person, to show you have listened to what he/she has said. Then, explain the logic behind your request. When you present your ideas clearly, in the context of a deep understanding concerns/needs of the other person, you significantly increase the creditability of your ideas.
Then, Seek to be Understood:
Knowing how to be understood is as important as seeking to understand in reaching Win/Win solutions. The Greek philosophy of Ethos (personal creditability), Pathos (empathic), and Logos (reasoning) gives the sequence for effective communication. Most people go straight to the logical side without first establishing their character and building the relationship.
The power of Empathic Listening
Want to be inspired about the power of listening? Watch this TedX!
"If you're like most people, you probably seek first to be understood; you want to get your point across. And in doing so, you may ignore the other person completely, pretend that you're listening, selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation or attentively focus on only the words being said, but miss the meaning entirely. So why does this happen? Because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc. You filter everything you hear through your life experiences, your frame of reference. You check what you hear against your autobiography and see how it measures up. And consequently, you decide prematurely what the other person means before he/she finishes communicating."
You’ve spent years of your life learning how to read and write, years learning how to speak. But what about listening?
- Stephen Covey
After all,
we’re given two ears and one mouth for a reason:
to listen twice as much as we speak.”

Covey mentions that communication experts have estimated that:
• 10% of our communication is represented by our words
• 30% is represented by our sounds
• 60% is represented by our body language
Thus, what we (want to) say is maybe not that important at all.

Covey says that when listening autobiographically (=with our own perspective as our frame of reference), we tend to respond in one of four ways:
1. Evaluate:
agree or disagree with what is said
2. Probe:
ask questions from our own frame of reference
3. Advise:
give counsel based on our own experience
4. Interpret:
try to figure out the person’s motives and behavior based on our own motives and behavior

Imagine, if we would replace these types of autobiographical reponses with
, we would see dramatic results in improved communication! It takes time to make this shift, but it doesn’t take nearly as long to practice empathic listening as it does to back up and correct misunderstandings.

Don't: Reponse autobiographically
Do: Listen empathically
This month, we're going to challenge ourselves to Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
The assignments of this month are:

1. Preparations for the LP training on February 8th
2. 'Seek to Understand' assignments
3. Starting your TopFem research
You can read more information about the assignments in the document 'LP February assignments'. Try to meet your peer-mentor(s) this month and discuss with each other how you both are dealing with the assignments of this month.

Enjoy this month's assignments and we'll meet up again on February 8th in OBA! Room: Simon Carmiggeltzaal, 19:30 - 22:00.
Assignments of this month
Synergy, habit 6, is actually the result of investing in thinking win-win (Habit 4) and Seek first to Understand (Habit 5). Synergy is about understanding and valuing the differences in another person’s perspective.
What is Synergy?
= when one plus one equals three or more, when the whole is greater than the sum of its parts
For example, if you plant two plants close together, their roots will co-mingle and improve the quality of the soil, so that both plants will grow better than they would on their own.
"Without doubt, you have to leave the comfort zone of base camp and confront an entirely new and unknown wilderness"
- Stephen Covey
Why Synergy?
How do we create Syergy?
So how can we introduce synergy to a given situation or environment?

Start with the mindset of habits 4 and 5: we must think Win-Win and seek first to understand.

Once we have these in mind, we can pool our desires with those of the other person. And then we’re not on opposite sides of the problem anymore. Instead, we’re together on one side, looking at the problem, understanding all the needs, and working to create a third alternative that will meet them.

In order to achieve Synergy, it is important to value the differences between people. Such as mental, emotional, and psychological differences. Because only if you start getting aware of someone’s different perspective, you can say, “Good! You see it differently! Help me see what you see.”

What we end up with is not a transaction, but a transformation. Both sides (you and the other person) get what they want, and they build their relationship in the process. By putting forth a spirit of trust and safety, we will prompt others to become extremely open, and feed on each other’s insights and ideas, creating synergy.

The key to valuing differences is to realize that all people see the world, not as it is, but as they are.
- Stephen Covey
Synergy allows us to:
• Uncover new possibilities through openness and creativity.
• Value the differences in other people as a way to improve our point of view and expand our perspective.
• Sidestep negative energy and look for the good in others.
• Exercise courage in interdependent situations to be open and encourage others to be open.
• Catalyze creativity and find a solution that will be better for everyone by looking for a third alternative.
• Collectively (as a group) agree to ditch the old scripts and write new ones.
What did you see in the left picture? An old woman or a young woman? What did you see in the right picture? A duck or a rabbit?

You could have seen the old woman, while somebody else saw the young woman. How is this possible when you're both looking at the exact same thing?? Still it is truth, you both saw it.

In this case, you will never see the other person's perspective (the young woman) when you are convinced that your perspective is the only truth perspective (the old woman). Truly understanding the mindset of others by asking "ok, explain to me what you see! I want to understand your perspective!" will get you there (Seek first to Understand). When you finally see someone else's perspective, you will also value the perspective of somebody else more, which in turn will get you both in a win-win situation (Think Win-Win).
Look carefully at these pictures, what do you see?
People have different perspectives on the exact same things
Why & How?
Covey says that the level of Synergy is determined by the level of Communication. In turn, the level of communication is determined by the level of trust (vertical ax) and the level of cooperation (horizontal ax).

The lowest level of communication
comes out of low-trust situations. Characterized by: defensivess, protectivess, and often legalistic language. Produces: win-lose or lose-lose.

The middle position
is respectful communication. Characterized by: fairly mature people interact, they respect each other. However, they want to avoid the possibility of ugly confrontations, so they communicate politely but not emphatically. They might understand each other intellectually, but they don't look at the paradigms underlying their opinions.

The highest position
of communication is synergy. Synergy means 1+1=3. This level has high trust en high cooperation, which produces better and more creative solutions.
Communication affects Synergy
Wrap up!
The relationship between people is also the power in creating a synergistic culture (inside an organization or team). The more genuine the involvement, the more sincere the participation in solving problems, the greater the release of everyone's creativity, and of their commitment to what they create.

Synergy is teamwork, team building, the development of unity and creativity with other human beings.

Although you cannot control the paradigms of others, a great deal of synergy is within your Circle of Influence (Habit 1). You can be synergistic in the midst of a very adversial environment, and you don't have to take insults for that. You can value the difference in people. When someone disagree with you, say: "Good! You see it differently. Explain to me, because I want to see what you see."
Assignments of this month
This month, we're going to challenge ourselves to work on creating synergy. The assignments of this month are:

1. A Synergy Assignment
2. Your TopFem Research! And sending an update about how it's going to Esther: info@topfem.nl!

We'll meet on the 8th of March (International Women's Day) and on the 31st of March!
Sharpen the Saw
Suppose you were to come upon someone in the woods working feverishly to saw down a tree. "What are you doing?" you ask.
"Can't you see?" comes the impatient reply. "I'm sawing down this tree."
"You look exhausted!" you exclaim. "How long have you been at it?"
"Over five hours," he returns "and this is very hard work!"
"Well, why don't you take a break for a few minutes and sharpen the saw?" you inquire. "I'm sure it would go a lot faster."
"I don't have time to sharpen the saw," the man says empathically. "I'm too busy sawing!"
Habit 7 is taking time to Sharpen the Saw. It surrounds the other habits on the Seven Habits paradigm because it is the habit that makes all the others possible.
Taking time to sharpen your saw is important
But how do you do it???
It means having a balanced program for self-renewal in the four areas of your life:
1: physical
2: social/emotional
3: mental
, and
4: spiritual
Here are some examples of activities:

1 . Physical
2. Social/Emotional
3. Mental
4. Spiritual

As you renew yourself in each of the four areas, you create growth and change in your life.
your Saw
Suppose you came upon someone in the woods working to saw down a tree. They are exhausted from working for hours. You suggest they take a break to sharpen the saw. They might reply, " I didn't have time to sharpen the saw, I'm busy sawing!"
- Stephen Covey
Assignments of this month
This month, we're going to challenge ourselves to think about how you, individually, could sharpen your saw. The assignments of this month are:

1. Preparation Leadership Training on the 11th of April
2. Sharpen your Saw Assignment
3. Your TopFem Research!

We'll meet on....
on the
11th of April
(Leadership Training)
The beauty of the 7 Habits is that improvement in one habit synergistically increases our ability to improve the other habits.

Habit 7 is taking the time to sharpen the saw. By renewing the four dimensions of your nature: physical, mental, social/emotional, and spiritual you can work more quickly and effortlessly.

To do this, we must be proactive (#1). This is a Quadrant II (important, not urgent) activity that must be acted on (#3). It's at the center of our Circle of Influence (#1), so we must do it for ourselves. As we focus on renewing ourselves along these four dimensions, we must also seek to be a positive scripter for other people. We must look to inspire others to a higher path by showing them we believe in them, by listening to them empathically (#5) by encouraging them to be proactive.
The goal of continuous physical improvement is to exercise our body in a way that will enhance our capacity to work, adapt, and enjoy. The Physical Dimension is about beneficial eating, exercising, and resting.

To renew ourselves physically, we must:

 Eat well
 Get sufficient rest and relaxation
 Exercise on a regular basis to build endurance, flexibility, and strength

Focusing on the physical dimension helps develop
Habit #1
muscles of proactivity; we act based on the value of well-being instead of reacting to the forces that keep us from fitness.

Physical Dimension
Mental Dimension
The goal of renewing our mental health is to continue expanding our mind. The Mental Dimension is about learning, reading, writing, and teaching.

To renew ourselves mentally, we can:

 Read good literature
 Keep a journal of your thoughts, experiences, and insights
 Limit television watching to only those programs that enrich your life and mind

Focusing on our mental dimension helps us practice
Habit #3
by managing ourselves effectively to maximize the use of our time and resources.

The goal of renewing ourselves socially is to develop meaningful relationships. The Social/Emotional Dimension is about making social and meaningful connections with others .

To renew ourselves emotionally, we can:

 Seek to deeply understand other people
 Make contributions to meaningful projects that improve the lives of others
 Maintain an Abundance Mentality, and seek to help others find success

Renewing our social and emotional dimension helps us practice
Habits #4, #5, and #6
by recognizing that Win-Win solutions do exist, seeking to understand others, and finding mutually beneficial third alternatives through synergy.

Social/Emotional Dimension
Spiritual Dimension
The goal of renewing our spiritual self is to provide leadership to our life and reinforce your commitment to our value system.
The Spiritual Dimension is about spending time in nature, expanding spiritual self through music, art, prayer, or service.

To renew ourselves spiritually, we can:

 Practice daily meditation or prayer
 Communicate with nature
 Immerse yourself in great literature or music

A focus on our spiritual dimension helps us practice
Habit #2
, as we continuously revise and commit ourselves to our values, so we can begin with the end in mind.

Why sharpening your saw is important
Sharpening our saw leads to renewal of ourselves.
is the process that empowers us to move along an upward spiral of growth and change, of continuous improvement.

Sharpen the Saw keeps us fresh so we can continue to practice the other six habits. We increase our capacity to produce and handle the challenges around us in our daily lifes. Without this renewal, the body becomes weak, the mind mechanical, the emotions raw, the spirit insensitive, and the person selfish. Not a pretty picture, is it?

4 Dimensions
Sharpen the Saw means preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have:
How habit #7 is correlated with the other 6
Feeling good doesn't just happen. Living a life in balance means taking the necessary time to renew yourself.

- You can renew yourself through relaxation. Or you can totally burn yourself out by overdoing everything.
- You can pamper yourself mentally and spiritually. Or you can go through life oblivious to your well-being.
- You can experience vibrant energy. Or you can procrastinate and miss out on the benefits of good health and exercise.
- You can revitalize yourself and face a new day in peace and harmony. Or you can wake up in the morning full of apathy because your get-up-and-go has got-up-and-gone.

Just remember that every day provides a new opportunity for renewal: a new opportunity to recharge yourself instead of hitting the wall. All it takes is the desire, knowledge, and skill.
What's in it for you
Last words from Stephen Covey
Self improvement takes time, just like working out and getting fit. Stephen sees self-improvement as a never-ending upward spiral of ‘Commit, Learn, Do’.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is something you have to be mindful of and continually practice.
Wie voor uiterlijk zondag 29 mei (24:00 uur) het onderzoeksverslag inlevert, zal tijdens de Talent Show (16 juni) een
van het TOPFEM LP ontvangen.

Deadline onderzoeksverslag:
Zondag 29 mei, 24:00 uur
Full transcript