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Teen Conference 2015
Transcript of Teen Conference 2015
Teen dating violence is influenced by how teenagers look at themselves and others.
Healthy Relationships VS. Unhealthy Relationships
Teen Dating Violence
Power and Control
Looking at the power and control wheel tell me what types of abuse occurred in this relationship?
they have the right to "control" their female partners in any way necessary.
"masculinity" is physical aggressiveness.
they "possess" their partner.
they should demand intimacy.
they may lose respect if they are attentive and supportive toward their girlfriends.
Young men may believe:
they are responsible for solving problems in their relationships
their boyfriend's jealousy, possessiveness and even physical abuse, is "romantic."
abuse is "normal" because their friends are also being abused.
there is no one to ask for help.
Young women may believe:
Guidelines for helping People Who are Being abused
Why People Abuse Scenarios
People abuse to
the way someone acts
Hee-Jung and Michael have just started dating. Michael doesn’t know all of Hee-Jung’s friends. As he walks out of school in the afternoon, he sees Hee-Jung talking to Jon. It looks like a private conversation and Hee-Jung is laughing. Michael thinks she is flirting and becomes angry. He walks over to Hee-Jung, puts his arm around her, and says, “Let’s go,” as he pulls her away. Hee-Jung tries to introduce Michael and Jon, but Michael cuts her off, saying, “I said, let’s go now.” Michael drags Hee-Jung away. He leaves a bruise on her arm. Hee-Jung tries to explain that Jon is her older brother’s best friend. They’ve known each other since they were small children. She wasn’t flirting. Michael says he won’t have his girlfriend embarrassing him in front of the entire school by talking to other guys. Later that evening, Michael goes to Hee-Jung’s house with a dozen roses and tells her that he loves her very much. That’s why it drives him crazy when she talks to other guys.
People abuse to
the way someone feels
Mario and Cassie have been dating for about a month. One Saturday night, Mario borrows his brother’s car and comes to pick Cassie up to go to the movies. Cassie meets him at the door in a new outfit. Mario gives her a kiss and then asks if she’s going to change before they go out.Cassie almost cries. She explains that she bought this outfit just for their date tonight. Mario sighs, pats her on the shoulder, and says, “Cassie, no one else would ever put up with you. I don’t know why I love you so much. I have to do everything for you.” Then he goes up to Cassie’s room and chooses a different outfit.
People abuse to
the way someone thinks
Mickey and Chris have been dating for several months. They’ve been having a number of disagreements lately. Chris is angry and frustrated. Things between them don’t seem like they’ll ever get better.Chris has been confiding in a friend, Drew. Chris’s friendship with Drew makes Mickey jealous, causing even more fights. Last week, Chris told Mickey that this relationship might not work. Mickey said that if he would stop flirting and cheating with Drew, the fighting would stop and they could be happy again. Chris said Drew was just a friend, but it didn’t really matter because if they weren’t fighting about Mickey’s jealousy, they were fighting about something else.That night, Mickey called Chris. She was crying and saying things like, “I need you and I couldn’t stand to lose you to someone else. You are the best part of my life. If you take that happiness away from me, I’ll hurt myself.” Since then, Mickey has called and sent texts to Chris, saying, “I’ll hurt myself if you leave me.” Chris feels trapped.
1.Believe your friends’ story.
2. Make sure they’re safe.
3. Let them know that they don’t deserve to be abused. No one deserves to be abused. No one “asks for it.”
4. Ask them a lot of questions to get them to think about the problem.Why do you think he gets so jealous? . Do you think he has a right to decide who your friends are and how you should act around them? . How does his jealousy make you feel? . How does the abuse make you feel? . Does he make you feel good about yourself? . Are you afraid of his anger?
5. Ask them what their options are and what they can do (such as stay, leave, talk to Elijah about the abuse, get advice from a professional).
6. Let them know that abuse almost always gets worse in a relationship if it’s ignored. If the abuse is going to stop, then the person being abused has to be willing to take actions to end it.
7. Encourage them to seek help. (Use community and personal resources.)
You should think ahead about ways to be safe if you are in a dangerous or potentially dangerous relationship. Here are some things to consider in designing your own safety plan.
What adults can you tell about the violence and abuse?What people at school can you tell in order to be safe--teachers, principal, counselors, security?Consider changing your school locker or lock.Consider changing your route to/from school.Use a buddy system for going to school, classes and after school activities.What friends can you tell to help you remain safe?If stranded, who could you call for a ride home?Keep a journal describing the abuse.Get rid of or change the number to any beepers, pagers or cell phones the abuser gave you.Keep spare change, calling cards, number of the local shelter, number of someone who could help you and restraining orders with you at all times.Where could you go quickly to get away from an abusive person?What other things can you do?
Other Safety Tips
Consider double-dating the first few times you go out with a new person.
Before leaving on a date, know the exact plans for the evening and make sure a parent or friend knows these plans and what time to expect you home. Let your date know that you are expected to call or tell that person when you get in.
Be aware of your decreased ability to react under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
If you leave a party with someone you do not know well, make sure you tell another person you are leaving and with whom. Ask a friend to call and make sure you arrived home safely.
Assert yourself when necessary. Be firm and straightforward in your relationships.
Trust your instincts. If a situation makes you uncomfortable, try to be calm and think of a way to remove yourself from the situation.
A Way Out
Digital dating abuse is the use of technologies such as texting and social networking to bully, harass, stalk or intimidate a partner. Often this behavior is a form of verbal or emotional abuse perpetrated online.In a healthy relationship, all communication is respectful whether in person, online or by phone. It is never ok for someone to do or say anything that makes you feel bad, lowers your self-esteem or manipulates you. You may be experiencing digital abuse if your partner:
Tells you who you can or can’t be friends with on Facebook and other sites.
Sends you negative, insulting or even threatening emails, Facebook messages, tweets, DMs or other messages online.
Uses sites like Facebook, Twitter, foursquare and others to keep constant tabs on you.
Puts you down in their status updates.
Sends you unwanted, explicit pictures and demands you send some in return.
Pressures you to send explicit video.
Steals or insists to be given your passwords.
Constantly texts you and makes you feel like you can’t be separated from your phone for fear that you will be punished.
Looks through your phone frequently, checks up on your pictures, texts and outgoing calls.
You never deserve to be mistreated, online or off. If you're experiencing digital dating abuse, we encourage you to chat with a peer advocate.Remember:
Your partner should respect your relationship boundaries.
It is ok to turn off your phone. You have the right to be alone and spend time with friends and family without your partner getting angry.
You do not have to text any pictures or statements that you are uncomfortable sending, especially nude or partially nude photos, known as "sexting."
You lose control of any electronic message once your partner receives it. They may forward it, so don’t send anything you fear could be seen by others.
You do not have to share your passwords with anyone.
Know your privacy settings. Social networks such as Facebook allow the user to control how their information is shared and who has access to it. These are often customizable and are found in the privacy section of the site. Remember, registering for some applications (apps) require you to change your privacy settings.
Be mindful when using check-ins like Facebook Places and foursquare. Letting an abusive partner know where you are could be dangerous. Also, always ask your friends if it’s ok for you to check them in. You never know if they are trying to keep their location secret.
What is Digital Abuse?
If you or someone you know becomes a victim you are not alone contact:
A WAY OUT
All services are free and confidential.
Call our 24hour helpline (814) 274-0240 or toll free (877) 334- 3136
Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month.
Get involved !!!!!!
Lets to a fun school wide awareness project.
Make a pledge wall
Create a healthy relationship group
Have a art show/contest
Have a purple day contest
Make posters and post them around school
Contact me if you are interested in participating in a TDVA project, or if you just have questions in general about anything presented to you today!