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Marriage and Couples Counseling
Transcript of Marriage and Couples Counseling
What are Characteristics of Relationships?
Ability to love and be loved
Source of support in times of need
Influences to help us grow
Every relationship is different and has different strengths and weaknesses
Why is counseling important?
If a relationship has persistent problems the couple should get help as soon as possible
You can grow from the problems in a relationship
Using a third party as a mediator constructs good discussion
Can sort out any other issues related to mental health that may be contributing to a problematic relationship
50% of marriages in which the bride is over 25 years old end in divorce.
Because many of us grow up in house holds that do not foster loving relationships between parents, many do not know how to handle their own relationship troubles in a positive manner.
Importance of Counseling
Why I am Interested in Marriage and Couples Counseling
My parents went through a divorce
Statistics show there is a need for this kind of counseling
Where some feel drained from listening to others conflicts, I feel energized and want to help.
Why do we need relationships?
Sense of belonging
Researchers have found that people are happier when they are with others compared to being alone
Positive effects from others are lasting
We want to impact others, creating self expansion.
Social Learning Theory
- Partners impact each other's lives through behaviors they exchange.
- Based on the love you were given as a child. Adult relationships mimic relationship you had with primary caregiver. This also governs how close or distant you are in your intimate relationships
Social Exchange Theory
- Focus on positive and negative outcomes of the relationship.
Common Problems in Relationships
Sharing leadership equally
Partner is stubborn
Partner is negative or critical
Wish partner had more time to spend on relationship
Wish partner would share feelings
One person always ends up feeling responsible for the problem
Going out of one's way to avoid conflict with partner
Can't complete tasks together
Differences do not get resolved
Lets others know how we feel
Anything worth doing should be communicated
Helps us express how we want something done
Allows us to share ideas and aspirations
Because people can't read your mind.
Negative communication is one of the leading causes of divorce.
-The blame game does not support a healthy relationship
-Happy couples do fight, but they use name calling less often.
Top 5 Reasons for Divorce
2. Power struggles
3. Extramarital affairs
4. Unrealistic expectations
5. Money management
-Happy couples tend to express their true feelings with each other and are good listeners
Perspectives on Communication
Competition vs. Connection
Communication as a Cooperative Endeavor
- have receiver restate what they heard from conversation
- It's natural to blame other person and minimize your responsibility for creating or maintaining conflict
Linear Causality Model
- direct relationship between cause and effect. Interpersonal communication that reflects this is destructive. Example: Both people end up saying "If it weren't for you, I wouldn't act this way."
Circular Causality Model
- both people deny responsibility for what has happened and for changing it and preventing it from happening again.
Example: Husband say "I withdraw because you nag." Wife says "I nag because you withdraw."
“Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.”- C.S. Lewis
Appreciation and Affection
Ability to Manage Stress and Crisis
Ways to Enhance Relationships
Talk to more experienced couples
Praise partner once a day
You are not only in a relationship with the individual, you also have to deal with their family and friends, get to know who is important to them.
Look for something positive in difficult times
Create an open channel of communication
What is Couples Counseling?
Helps couples understand and resolve conflicts in the relationship
Helps people respect and accept difference in views and culture
Typically done by a licensed psychologist with a specific focus on couples
Social Ecological Models
- Focus on the external circumstances of relationships.
Theories of Relationships
Components of a Healthy Relationship
Independent and mature
Love not only each other but themselves
Both people enjoy being together, but have time to explore themselves outside of the relationship.
Both people are established in their occupation.
The individuals know themselves, must know what they can give and want from their partner
Can express themselves assertively.
Be friends as well as lovers.
-one step deeper into social exchange theory.