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COUN 505: Invitational Skills, Reflecting Feelings & Immediacy
Transcript of COUN 505: Invitational Skills, Reflecting Feelings & Immediacy
Meaning, & Immediacy
& exploring feelings
5. Reflect Meaning
Challenging Skills &
Spiritual Life Map
What does SOLER stand for?
Nonverbal communication: Egan's Helping Model
S = Squarely
O = Open
L = Lean
E = Eye
R = Relaxed
Review of Questions
Questions that help the client dig deeper are
Questions that clarify info & stop the flow of ideas are ____questions.
Questions that are guided by an agenda are _____ questions.
Questions to avoid asking because they may cause defensiveness are ____questions.
Review of Door Openers
Tell me about x...
What brings you here today?
I see you have your iPod with you. What kind of music do you like to listen to?
Review of Minimial Encouragers
Uh-huh. Nodd. Mm hmm.
Yes. Okay. Right
How do you paraphrase?
Step 1: Listen. Step 2: Repeat in your own words without judgement.
General Flow or Sequence of Skills:
Door Opener (What brings you here?). Minimal Encourager (uh-huh). Clarifying question. Reflection of content. Paraphrase.
The last reflecting skills
DO NOT REPRODUCE OR DISTRIBUTE. FOR EDUCATION PURPOSES ONLY CONTACT CHRISTOPHER COBB FOR PERMISSION.
Peel Back the layers
Step 1: Identify Feeling
Increase your repertoire of feeling words.
What might Miss stubborn be feeling?
Usually, if you are off base then the client will correct you.
Don't fear making a mistake.
Feelings are sometimes not explicit.
In some cultures feelings may not be expressed as freely
(Native Americans, Asians, Europeans)
Gender may also impcat emotional expression; socialized not to show sadness emotions.
Women are socialized not to show anger or assertiveness.
Use every clue you can (eye contact, bdoy posture, open/closed, voice intonations.
Steps to reflecting feeling:
1. Identify emotion
2. State emotion
Use empathy. Think about what it would be like to
walk a mile in their shoes...
Ask yourself not, "How would I feel in their situation?" but if I had their history, upbringing experiences... how would I be feeling?"
Identify the feeling or feelings:
Client named Darla's concerns...
Darla: My ex-husband had burnt every bridge. He came to me and said that
he had been living on the street. Even his ex-girlfriend would not take him in. I worked
so hard to get out of this abusive marriage and to get out on my own, but when he told me he was homeless- that is my worst fear of becoming homeless and I just can't let someone be homeless. He has only been staying with me a few days and he already stole my ADHD medication and now I am having trouble getting my work done, but I just could not let anyone be homeless.
Counselor: You are disappointed because you worked hard to get out of the relationship, but you were filled with compassion when you found out he was homeless.
Darla: Yeah. (With Conviction) I guess it is disappointing, and I told him if he stole my medication that he was going to be out. Now I have to kick him out.
Counselor: You set a boundary & you are going to stand by it. Sounds like you are confident about that.
Darla: Yes! I have to be. I don't know why but it was easy for me to tell him. Since he took my medicine I can tell him.
Counselor: Since he took it knowing that he would be back on the street it is easier to tell him.
Darla: I think I am going to tell him tonight. I still have to do a paper for my English class, and I don't have any money right now to get more medication...
Ben: I was getting ready to go running and this guy drives right up in front of me and side swipes my car! It was 6:30 in the morning!
Counselor: Sounds frustrating, first thing in the morning someone drives by & scrapes up your car.
Ben: Yes, very! He awants to settle without his insurance company but I am not going to do that! Someone from his company called to see if he could just pay me off and I said, NO!
What is Ben feeling? How could you reflect this feeling?
TO DOn't List
Ask how did you feel?
Be very cautious of reflecting inaccurately
Think you don't need to practice
Lack confidence in your reflection
Raise your voice at the end of a reflection (turn it into a question)
Combine reflection with a question
Reflect feelings of someone who is not in the room
Let the client have a monologue
Be afraid to interrupt
Use the word think in place of feel
Let the client repeatedly feel thoughts
Use lots of words
To Do List
Pay attention to nonverbals
Notice changes in voice tone
Notice when there is more/less excitement
Use empathy to understand feelings
State feeling confidently
Be willing to accept feeling from client
Keep the client talking
Turn to your neighbor
Share an experience where you had a strong emotional response
Share the experience without focusing on the feelings
Counselor, try to detect the feelings by using your other skills and paying attention to the nonverbals
Remember to be SOLER
Miracle of Birth
God knit me together in my mother's womb
Walking through the valley.
My father left.
Trail- God gave grace.
Was close to me
while I was broken
away from abuse
Spiritual Life Map
Spoke to me through
Meaning & Immediacy
(cc) image by jantik on Flickr
Have we really been married 25 years or does
it just feel like 25 years?
1st grand child
2nd grand child.
to be with the Lord.
What is the core feeling that underlies irritation?