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The Vital Importance of Mutual Respect and Mutual Purpose
Transcript of The Vital Importance of Mutual Respect and Mutual Purpose
What is Mutual Purpose?
is a way of rebuilding safety in a conversation
What is Mutual Respect?
is another way of addressing safety concerns within a conversation
Well, why are these important?
On the Edge of Silence and Violence
Dialog cannot begin until Mutual
, people withhold meaning
is the foundation of trust
Take this example...
The problem is that for the past three years, even though Ryan has come up with the present idea, and usually an expensive one, he hasn't helped pay for it.
He promises to come up with the cash, but then Jessica goes back to school and Ryan never comes through.
by Madison Reale
It's saying "You believe that I care about
and vice versa."
It's saying, "You believe that I care about
you as a person
and vice versa."
"To succeed in crucial conversations,
we must really care about the interests of others
- not just our own."
Crucial Conversations, 2nd Ed. pg 77
Picture two siblings, 22-year old Jessica and 17-year old Ryan. They want to buy their mom a Mother's Day gift (which is May 10th, just so you know).
Jessica decides that this year, she needs to have a Crucial Conversation with Ryan, because she's done paying for the both of them
During the discussion, Ryan becomes defensive and upset, saying Jessica is accusing him of not caring about their mom, and therefore of being an uncaring person.
How should Jessica respond?
If Jessica doesn't know how to create Mutual
...she'll be offended that he jumped to conclusions like that!
Most likely, Ryan and Jessica will begin arguing, and feelings will be hurt all around. They might both end up giving separate presents, or worst case scenario, they may not get mom a present at all.
However, if Jessica knows how to create Mutual
...the situation will clear up in no time.
Jessica quickly apologizes for making Ryan feel like she thought he was uncaring, saying she would never think that about him.
The she re-establishes
by explaining that she just want them to be able to get their mom the best gift, that they can both afford.
"Let's come up with some idea that are in both our budget so that we don't get carried away with something only one of us can really afford."
Without being able to create
, we may unintentionally end dialog when we don't properly respond to the other person's defense.
People rarely become defensive about
you're saying. They become defensive because of
they think you're saying it.
Would you agree?