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T.R.I.P goals and conflict

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Lori Miller

on 22 March 2014

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Transcript of T.R.I.P goals and conflict

T.R.I.P goals and conflict
Recurring disagreement
What does each person want?
Topic Goals
Who am I
in this interaction?
"Identity conflicts are often hard to identify, since they are usually represented as disputes over tangible resources" (Rothman 1997).
What communication process will be used?
Process Goals
giving equal talk time
secret ballot
having high-power
withholding comments/opinions
Who are we to each other?
How you want to be treated by the other
What I need here is some respect!
I won't put up with that kind of abuse.
You don't have to be nasty about it.
What kind of unit are we?
I expect respect from my boss.
I thought we were best friends.
I don't know who are are to each other anymore.
Creating Healthy Conflict
Are you really fighting about the same thing?
Healthy Communication Principles
How to approach conflict
Expressing needs
Consensus vs. Compromise
Counseling With Our Councils
Our Eternal Father’s revealed plan to help families make important decisions and grow together.
There are different ways of making decisions in marriages and families
The most common assumption regarding marital decisions is that spouses will avoid conflict via
Compromise: Each person seeks his or her own preference, and works to maximize attainment of that preference, while accepting that the other will need to accommodate in order to move forward.
Boys and the bunk-bed
A child chewing on their clothes
Who makes the bed?
bunk bed- bottom bunk
clothes- nice things; expel energy
bed making- keeping our room nice

Romantic relationship
1. For each relationship, list the "topics" that typically arise in disputes.
2. Compare the list of topics across the four relationships (Hocker & Wilmot 2014).
What we usually believe the argument is about
bunk bed
bed making
How may my self-identity be protected or repaired in this particular conflict?
When identity or face saving becomes an issue, people become less flexible and often do or say things that are more hurtful than intended.
bunk bed


bed making
What communication
process will work best?
I want him to respect my time
I want our room to be tidy
Identity/ Face Saving
organized and fair person
What are some of the processes of communication that
could improve:
Children's ongoing argument about which child should use
which bunk?
Understanding and working to resolve why a child chews on their clothing?
Ballard, M. Russel. 1997. Counseling with our councils.
Deseret Book. Salt Lake City, UT.

Hocker, J. L., Wilmot, W. W. 2014. Interpersonal conflict
9th ed. McGraw Hill. New York, NY.

Oaks, H. Dallin. Saving your marriage. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/pages/mormon-messages?lang=eng#saving-your-marriage

Rahim, M. A. and Magner, N. R. (1995). Confirmatory factor analysis of the styles of handling interpersonal conflict: First-order factor model and its invariance across groups, Journal of Applied Psychology, 80(1), 122-132.

Rothman, J. 1997. Resolving identity-based conflict in
nations, organizatinos, and communities. San Fransisco: Jossey-Bass.
The Lord has directed His children that they should make all decisions in His name as one, united and acting in
Consensus: Each seeks to learn God’s will on the matter, disregarding personal preferences. Each expresses and demonstrates love to invite the Spirit and to facilitate revelatory process, and prepare each to follow through in faith with what has been revealed.
1. They meet in a sacred place, typically the temple (there are other places that can and should be sacred as well).

2. They also set aside a regular time for such conversations, typically each Thursday.

3. Before beginning the meeting, they express love and appreciation for one another.

4. Then they open with prayer, inviting the Spirit to assist and lead them in their efforts to recognize the Lord’s will regarding the topics at hand.

5. Discussions have often been described as methodical, open and honest, each person speaking in turn (sometimes in order of seniority), expressing what he perceives to be most consistent with God’s will on the matter.

6. Close with prayer.

7. Share refreshments.

Outline of how the General Authorities counsel together:
A marriage, like a human life, is a precious, living thing. Spouses should exercise faith in Christ and love for each other to heal and strengthen their marriage relationship.
Conflict Resolution Styles
Make sure that good relationships are the first priority

Keep people and problems separate

Pay attention to the interests that are being presented

Listen first, talk second

Explore options together
What is one area I can work on in order to improve the way I resolve conflict, and/or share my needs?
1. Open with prayer, inviting the Spirit to assist in the decision process.

2. Discuss the topic, making sure that each person has obvious opportunities to share her/his perspectives without interruption or dispute.

Don’t be surprised if participants get off track. Model the best behavior possible, and try to keep the meeting on task, not letting it deviate into complaining.

Seek to reach a consensus regarding how to respond to the need, challenge, or opportunity—even if the consensus is only to try a particular solution for two weeks and then revisit the issue again.

3. Close with prayer, asking for Heavenly Father’s assistance in fulfilling what you have felt impressed to do (2 Nephi 32:8).

4. End with some form of snack or refreshment.
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