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Habit 1: Be Proactive
Transcript of Habit 1: Be Proactive
but once we break out of the
gravity pull, our freedom takes on
a whole new dimension. Ready for take off? Self Awareness Self-Awareness is the ability to think about your thought process and is what separates us from any other species. It is the reason we can make or break habits. We are enabled to stand apart and examine the way we see ourselves - our self paradigm - the most fundamental paradigm of effectiveness. The Social Mirror The way we see ourselves through others opinions and perceptions You're never on time... You eat like a horse... I can't believe you won... These perceptions can be distorted, more projections than reflections. People sometimes tend to use social perception as an excuse “determined by conditioning” Theories of Determinism Genetic – your grandparents or ancestors did “it” to you. “It’s” in your DNA. You inherited “it” (ex. Your Irish so you have a bad temper) Psychic - your parents did “it” to you. Your upbringing and childhood experiences laid out your personal tendencies, you remember or relate to an experience in the past. Environmental – someone or something in your environment is responsible for your situation. (ex. Boss, spouse, economic situation) These scenarios are based on Stimulus/Response theory. Very similar to Pavlov’s dog experiments
– the idea that we are conditioned to respond a certain way to certain things. Prepare to have your
mind blown! So what separates you from the dawgs??? You're freedom to CHOOSE Victor Frankl Frankl was a determinist (basically physics based on cause-and-effect) in the tradition of Freudian psychology he believed that whatever happens to us as a child shapes your character and personality, and there's not much you can do about it. Frankl was Jewish and was imprisioned in the Nazi camps in Germany. While at the camps in the lowest moments of his life, he became aware of what he called
“the last human freedoms”
He found that while his Nazi captors could control his environment, and abuse his body – he had the power to be self-aware and could CHOOSE, within himself, how this was going to affect him. He had the power to choose a response.
He discovered that between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose.
He became an inspiration to those around him, even to some of the guards. He helped others find meaning in their suffering and dignity in their prison existance. in addition to we as humans also have the ability to create in our minds beyond present reality inner awareness of right and wrong
(our principles) the ability to act based on these thoughts or self-awareness Its what’s between the stimulus and our response that is our greatest power – our freedom to choose. So lets talk Proactivity Proactivity – yes, it means taking initiative, but there is more to it than that. It means that we have the cognitive ability to turn our feelings into values and therefore are responsible for our own lives. In other words, our behavior is based on our decisions, not our conditions. Responsibility: Response: able – able to choose your response. Physical pain or economical pains can cause sorrow, but it doesn’t take away our character or identity. The most difficult experiences are what forge our character and abilities to handle difficult situations AND inspire others to do so as well. Proactivity is also about taking initiative...
but taking initiative does not mean being obnoxious or aggressive. It simply means recognizing our responsibility to make things happen. To advance in life, you can’t wait around for something to happen to you or wait for others to take care of you. You have to seize the initiative to do whatever is necessary (with the right principles in mind) to get the job done.
Proactive people are the solutions to the problems, not the problems themselves. The opposite of Proactive... Is Reactive. Reactive people are often affected by their physical environment. (Covey’s example is if the weather is good, they feel good – if the weather is bad, it affects their attitude and performance) If you are reactive, it is because you have chosen to let conditions control you. Proactive people – it doesn’t matter if it rains or shines because they are value-driven and they value to produce quality – it doesn’t matter if the weather is condusive to it. REACTIVE There's nothing I can do.
That's just the way I am.
He makes me so mad.
They won't allow that.
I have to do that.
If only. PROACTIVE Let's look at our alternatives.
I can choose a different approach.
I control my own feelings.
I can create an effective presentation.
I will choose an appropriate response.
I will. What Frankl was sayin is Another way to become more self-aware is to determine our Circle of Influence Where do you focus your time and energy? Circle of influence The things you can control
They work on things they
can do something about Circle of Concern The things you can’t control (Reactive People) Their focus results in blaming and accusing – feelings of victimization. (seems obvious but have you ever really thought about it?) Problems fall in one of three areas. Direct control – problems that involve our own behavior. These problems are solved by working on our own habits. Indirect control – problems involving the behavior of others. Habits 4, 5 and 6 will educate us how to solve these problems (public victories) No Control – problems we can do nothing about
(ex. our past). Solved by genuinely peacefully accepting these problems and learn to live with them with a smile on your face. Think about the Alcoholic Anonymous prayer, “Lord, give the courage to change the things which can and ought to be changed, the serenity to accept the things which cannot be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Have’s and the Be’s The Circle of Concern is filled with the Have’s
“outside-in” whats out there has to change before I can change I’ll be happy when I HAVE my house paid off
If only I HAD a boss who wasn’t such a dictator
If only I HAD a more patient husband/wife
If I HAD my degree
If I could just HAVE more time to myself The circle of Influence is more of an inside–out start with “be-ing” Be a better listener
Be more loving
Be a better learner
Be a dedicated worker
Be happy If I really want to improve my situation, I can work on the one thing I have control of – myself. 2 things to consider
into your choices Consequences and Mistakes While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions. Consequences are natural law. Covey’s example: we can step in front of a fast-moving train, but we cannot decide what will happen when the train hits us.
We are free to choose our response in any situation, but in doing so you automatically choose the choose the consequence. There are times when we initially think we made the right decision that we later know was the wrong choice, and if we had it do over we would choose differently. These choices are called mistakes. For those filled with regret, the most important activity of proactivity is to realize that past mistakes are in our circle of concern. We can’t recall them, we can’t undo them, we can't control the consequences that came as a result.
However, to not acknowledge a mistake, not correct it and learn from it, is a mistake itself. It promotes self-deceiving, self-justifying patterns (rational lies to self and others) Chasing after a poisonous snake that bites us will only drive the poison through the rest of our system, it is far better to take the steps to immediately get the poison out. Our response to any mistake affects the quality of the next moment. It is important to immediately admit and correct it so that they have no power over the next moment and we are empowered again. Lastly.. Making and Keeping Commitments At the heart of our circle of influence is the ability to make and keep commitments and promises. It is our integrity to those commitments is the essence and clearest indication of our proactivity. There are 2 ways to put ourselves in
control of our lives immediately.
We can make a promise –and keep it.
Or we can set a goal –and work to achieve it. As we make and keep commitments, even small ones, we begin to build an inner integrity that gives us the awareness of self-control, courage and strength to accept more of the responsibility for our own lives. The power to make and keep commitments to ourselves and others is the essence of developing the basic habits of effectiveness. OK JUDY AND ASHLEY,
LET'S WRAP THIS UP. hopefully Alvin will CHOOSE to let us leave early :) What you should take away from Habit 1: Take action and take responsibility. This is the basis of all further habits and a cornerstone of success. You will influence your life more than anyone else. do whatever is in your power to improve your situation. You are the creator, the actor and the doer in your life; get started and "just do it".
You are only a victim if you allow yourself to be if you are reactive rather than proactive. What you should take away from Habit 1: The thing that you can influence and change the most is your response to Stimulus - choose your response to any situation and you will find yourself in control. No one can "make" you angry if you decide you don't want to get angry. Don't let life set you up in a bad situation. Have confidence in yourself and believe that you can succeed in anything in life. In your internal dialogue, replace language such as "I must do.." with "I choose to do ", "I have to" with "I want to", "If only..." with "Let's see about..."