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BDSM & Ethics: Introduction geared toward Vanillas

This presentation is the basis for an introductory lesson on BDSM, the related community and some of the ethical issues within the arena. It is intended for those who know little to nothing about the subject.
by

Beth Thompson

on 22 October 2013

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Transcript of BDSM & Ethics: Introduction geared toward Vanillas

BDSM:Ethics
Introduction
Kink? Fetish? WHAT??
Is it Abuse?
Consensually Speaking
SSC : Safe, Sane, Consensual
RACK: Risk Assessment Consensual Kink
PRICK: Personal Responsibility Informed Consent Kink
Safety Camps
BDSM
Brought to You:

Dorothy
Garrett
Melody
Maisy
Beth
Paraphilia – a pattern of recurring sexually arousing mental imagery or behavior that involves unusual or socially unacceptable sexual practices
Fetish – an object or bodily part whose real or fantasized presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression
“Fetishism is really a disorder whereby a person is experiencing extreme difficulties in their lives because of the fact that they like these particular objects to provide for them a great deal of sexual arousal. The only way they can achieve this type of sexual satisfaction is with an inanimate object, a non-living object.”
“It's (only) a problem when it's the only thing that they can do or when it gets them in trouble (legally or with their partner).”
Anililagnia – Attraction by young men to older women
Asphyxiophilia – Being asphyxiated or strangled
Autoerotic asphyxiation – Self-induced asphyxiation, sometimes to the point of near unconsciousness
Autozoophilia – The image of one's self in the form of a plush or anthropomorphized animal
Erotic asphyxiation – Asphyxia of oneself or others
Exhibitionism – Exposing one's genitals to unsuspecting and nonconsenting others (“Flashers”)
Frotteurism – Rubbing against a non-consenting person
Hybristophilia – Criminals, particularly those having committed cruel or outrageous crimes
Mechanophilia – Cars or other machines; also "mechaphilia."
Menophilia – Menstruation
Necrophilia – Corpses
•Olfactophilia – Smells
•Pedophilia – Prepubescent children
Pictophilia – Pornography or erotic art, particularly pictures
Piquerism – Sexual gratification through penetration of another person, most commonly by stabbing or cutting the body with sharp objects
Pygophilia – Buttocks
Pyrophilia – Fire
Sadism – Inflicting pain
on others
Masochism – Suffering; being beaten, bound or otherwise humiliated
Sthenolagnia – Muscles and displays of strength
Stigmatophilia – Body piercings and tattoo
s
Raptophilia – Committing rape **possibly consensual rape fantasy
Transvestic fetishism – Wearing clothes associated with the opposite sex; also known as transvestism
Trichophilia – Hair
Voyeurism – Watching others while naked or having sex, generally without their knowledge
Urolagnia – Urination
Within the category of paraphilias, it is important to note that sexual preferences exist on a continuum; except in the case of fetishes, just because an individual exhibits certain preferences does not mean they exhibit them at all times and in all sexual contexts. A person’s preferences change along with their mood, their partner, the time of day, and any number of outside factors, just like any other preference.
Sadomasochism – An activity or practice involving the inflicting or receiving of pain and/or humiliation.
-->Sadism – Taking pleasure in inflicting pain and/or humiliation upon others, or observing others being hurt; may or may not be sexual
-->Masochism – enjoyment of the reception of pain or humiliation; may or may not be sexual
Many different preferences as far as types of materials, positions, body parts bound, and purposes.
Shibari – A Western name for Kinbaku, a type of bondage originating in Japan and characterized by extremely elaborate and intricate patterns of rope, often used both to restrain the subject and to stimulate the subject by binding or compressing the breasts and/or genitals. The aesthetics of the bondage are considered to be a very important element of this form of bondage.
Biting/Scratching/Hair Pulling
Impact Play
– Striking with various objects, including the hand (spanking), riding crops, floggers, whips, and canes

Flogger
– A tool of impact play, consisting of a handle with multiple lashes attached to it; the lashes are typically made of leather, but may also be made of materials such as rope, suede, horsehair, or even rubber.
BDSM: Consent and Legal Issue
Controversy over Mental Disorders
Legal Cases Supporting BDSM
Legal Cases Opposing BDSM
Solutions and Consent Forms
Controversy over Mental Disorders
Paraphilia vs Paraphilic Disord
Paraphilia – considered a sexual behavior
Paraphilic Disorder – mental disorder
Controversy over Mental Disorders
Confusion in Distinguishing between Paraphilia and Paraphilic Disorders have led to misdiagnosis in many members of BDSM community in civil and criminal court,
Extreme cases of misdiagnosis resulted in actions such as a mother having her children taken away by the state
Groups like the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) advocates for members in BDSM community and, with the help of psychologists and therapists, helped exposed and alleviate the confusion.
Legal Cases Supporting BDSM
No precedent from US Supreme Court supporting or opposing BDSM
Lawrence v Texas
-Case involving sodomy statutes and homosexual men
-US Supreme Court Rules that “morality alone is not a sufficient justification to infringe on an individual’s right to privacy.”
Members of BDSM Community cite Lawrence v Texas as applicable to BDSM
Legal Cases Opposing BDSM
Many cases at the state level throughout the United States
Argue that consent is not a defense for an assault
States argue that preventing violence against citizens outweighs the right to privacy
Very similar to laws about fighting and domestic violence
Legal Cases Opposing BDSM
People v Jovanovic (NY) – “A person cannot avoid criminal responsibility for an assault that causes injury or carries a risk of serious harm, even if the victim asked for or consented to the act.”
Commonwealth v Appleby (MA) – “One cannot consent to become a victim of an assault and battery with a dangerous weapon.”
Solutions and Consent Forms

Many Members of BDSM Community forced to look out for themselves

First Aid Techniques

Consent Forms – how far are both parties willing to go (won’t necessarily work in criminal court, as noted)

Safe Words – puts consenting submissive in control, in theory of their limits and person.
Breath play – the act by which the dominant controls the submissive's breathing, often by choking, HOM (hand over mouth) or other forms of asphyxiation
Blood play – The purposeful drawing of blood during play
Body worship – To show respect to every part of the Dominant’s body, often by kissing, licking, or sucking. May involve ritual components.
Humiliation/embarrassment
– Although the two terms are somewhat synonymous,
“humiliation” is considered good pain
in BDSM circles, while
“embarrassment” is bad pain
. Humiliation can come about in a variety of ways, from gentle teasing to objectification. Like pain, humiliation is desired by many submissive personalities, as well as being pleasurable or entertaining to many Dominants. It can also be a tool for pushing limits, or even (carefully) punishment.
Humiliation can be psychologically very intense, and should be explored gradually.
The American Psychological Association has long held paraphilias and fetishes to be types of mental disorders included in the Handbook of Clinical Sexuality for Mental Health Professionals.

Specific paraphilias are listed in the current edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-4R) and will remain in the DSM-5.
M
en and women do not suffer from "atypical" or "deviant" fetishes, but rather possess a range of typical sexual interests that can mostly be predicted from the natural operation of healthy sexual mechanisms in the brain.
Safety and Ethics in BDSM

> Members of the BDSM have certain tools that help keep them and the other members safe and ethical.

Safety words
>NO! STOP! Don’t cut it
>Decided Prior to
> Protection of both Dom and Sub

Traffic Lighting
More gradual
Relative to the group
Can be incorporated with safety words and can also just be the colors alone
Red: Stop Now!
Yellow: WOAH, EASE UP
Green: Doing Great!
Consent
*Forms are given and signed to have an understanding that someone wants to partake in a sexual act that could potentially be dangerous. *Similar to safety words, it allows both parties to feel secure that consent was desired and that consent was given.
*BDSM communities establish these tools to be utilized for member safety. As in Any sexual encounter some habits to consider for safety are.
>Never give your home address to someone you don’t know.
>Meet several times in public before attending a scene.
>Don’t buy into “proving” that you’re a submissive immediately.
>Never play in private first; Attend BDSM events together. >Don’t count on safety words alone; trust is important
>Safety Calls- having a friend that knows where you are and checks on you.

There are relationship ethics that are used as guide in the BDSM community to protect both partners.
According to an article written by Sophie Morgan for The Observer and a professed Sexual Submissive, 50 Shades of Grey gives more of an undertone for approval for Sexual Violence.
50 Shades’ portrays the Dominant and submissive in a very unrealistic view of how the relationship outside the “scene” that actually takes place.
Submissives live their own lives and do not depend on the Dominant for anything other than what they agree on sexually as consenting adults
The relationship between the Dominant and the submissive is one of control but only to what is agreed upon before the actual scene takes place.
Dominants are not abusive. They care deeply for the physical, mental and emotional well being of his submissive.
The author of 50 Shades of Grey, EL James did not do research on BDSM to accurately portray the characters of this story.
It is a good thing that there is a BDSM community that will be more than happy to tell her exactly where she was wrong.
Readers now have one opinion of BDSM and hopefully will do the necessary research to form a better opinion of this lifestyle.
- Within the category of paraphilias, it is important to note that
sexual preferences exist on a continuum
except in the case of fetishes; just because an individual exhibits certain preferences does not mean they exhibit them at all times and in all sexual contexts.
- A person’s preferences change along with their mood, their partner, the time of day, and any number of outside factors, just like any other preference.
Bondage – Acts involving the physical restraint of a partner. Bondage may refer to total body restraint, or restraint of a particular body part, such as breast bondage.
Paraphilias as they
relate to BDSM

"water sports"
Full transcript