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7th Grade LifeSkills - Assertiveness
Transcript of 7th Grade LifeSkills - Assertiveness
Many people have difficulty saying what they feel or find it hard to standup for themselves. This usually occurs in the following three types of situations:
(1) saying "no" to unreasonable request,
(2) making requests
(3) expressing feelings
Whenever you come across one of these three situations, it is important that you respond assertively.
Sooooo, what does that mean?
Assertiveness means calmly but firmly standing up for your rights, or expressing your thoughts or feelings without hurting or being disrespectful of others.
An assertive response gives reason for your opinions or beliefs while respecting someone else's.
Aggressiveness means acting in a hostile manner that may infringe on other peoples' rights.
An aggressive response is being hostile, loud, and forceful; overreacting; and being obnoxious
The Benefits of Assertiveness
* Increasing the liklihood of getting what you want
* Personal satisfaction
* Increased self-esteem
* Increased sense of control over our life
* Decreased likelihood of being used or taken advantage of
* Respect from others
What is assertiveness anyway?
How do I know if I'm assertive or bossy?
How do I tell if I am being a bully or standing up for myself?
Tone of Voice ~ LOUD
Eye contact ~ Direct
Distance from person ~ in their face
Speaking (speed & clarity ~ Fast and sometimes unclear
Facial expression ~ Angry & tense
Body position ~ Arms up or fingers pointing, tense shoulders leaning forward
Tone of voice ~ Quiet
Eye Contact ~ Looking down
Distance from person ~ Far away
Speaking speed & clarity ~ Fast or slow, hesitating, possible jumbled
Facial Expression ~ Blank
Body position ~ Shoulders slumped, head down
Tone of voice ~ Firm
Eye contact~ Direct
Distance from person ~ Close, comfortable distance, not in their space
Speaking speed & clarity ~ Slow and clear, no hesitation
Facial Expression ~ Relaxed and open
Body position ~ Standing straight, shoulders relaxed and head up
Sometimes it's difficult to be assertive. Here are some things to remember:
* Be patient and take time to explain yourself.
* Use "I" messages so the person you're talking to doesn't get defensive.
* Certain situations require you to act differently. You talk to your mother differently than you talk to our friend. Assertiveness can sometimes be like this. Even though you may be assertive person, if the person you're talking to begins to be aggressive, you might need to change the way you're acting so that things don't escalate.
By yourself, complete Worksheet 15 on Page 54
Passivity means accepting things without objection or resistance, not responding or reacting to something you feel strongly about.
A passive response means you don't ask for something you want or don't let people know when they do something that bothers you.
What are some common situations where an assertive response is called for?
Saying "no" to a request by a friend
Asking a favor
Returning defective merchandise
Expressing a difference of opinion
Telling a person their behavior is annoying to you
Telling a clerk who has short-changed you
You are out with a friend who wants you to do something that you think is unsafe.
Some of your friends have started to smoke cigarettes and are pressuring you to try it.
A good friend of yours wants to shoplife something.
Step 1: State your position
Step 2: Give a reason (optional)
Step 3: Be understanding (if appropriate)
"No, you can't borrow my jacket."
(State your position)
"I'm going outside and need it myself."
(Give a Reason - optional)
"If I didn't need it myself, I would be happy to lend it to you."
(Be understanding - if appropriate)
With a partner, complete Worksheet 16 on page 56
Making Requests and Asserting Rights
Step 1: State the problem or situation to be changed.
Step 2: Make the request to correct the problem or change the situation.
A student worked hard on a report and received a poor grade. The student discussed the situation with his/her teacher by saying the following:
Step 1: "I worked hard on the report and don't think I received a fair grade." (stating the situation)
Step 2: "I would appreciate it if you would review my work and reconsider my grade." (telling how the problem may be solved)
Break off into pairs and complete all of the situations with a partner
Type your situations onto a GoogleDoc with both of your names on it... Then share it with me.
Expressing Your Feelings - Using "I" Statements
Step 1: Think about what you want to say.
Step 2: Tell the other person how you feel or what you think.
A friend keeps asking you to smoke cigarettes.
Step 1: You think to yourself, "He's my friend but I don't want to smoke." (Think about what you want to say)
Step 2: "I feel like you don't really care what I want when you keep asking me to smoke cigarettes. You know that I don't want to." (Tell the other person how you feel or what you think)
Raise your hand and hypothetically express your feelings in the two step manner
Techniques for Using Nonverbal Assertive Skills
What you say (verbal) is almost as important as how you say it (nonverbal)
Loudness of voice: Speak with a strong, confident tone of voice.
Fluency of spoken words: Speak in a smooth fashion (try not to hesitate).
Eye contact: Look the person directly in the eye.
Facial expression: Be certain your facial expressions match what you are saying.
Body position: Be certain your body position matches what you are saying. Stand straight and face the person.
Distance: Stand a comfortable distance from the person (usually about three feet is appropriate