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Transcript of Interpersonal Communication
Verbal Communication Skills
“Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.” ― Rudyard Kipling
How to be supportive
extended "I" language: Brief preface to a feedback statement, intended to communicate that you don't want your listener to take your message in an overly critical way.
How to Apologize
Apology: Explicit admission of an error, along with a request for forgiveness.
How to Be Assertive
Assertive: Able to pursue one's own best interests without denying a partner's rights.
You are not in charge of the meaning others derive from your message.
Words Symbols Referents Thought
It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree.--Charles Baudelaire
Acknowledging Other's Messages
Confirmation is when you not only acknowledge the presence of the other person, but also indicate your acceptance of this person, of this person's definition of self, and of your relationship as defined or viewed by this other person.
The Word is not the thing. Avoid viewing the world in the way it's talked about or labeled. Respond to things first and labels second.
See individuals. Remind yourself that you can never know all or say all about anything.
Distinguish between facts and inferences.
Talk in the middle. Qualify your statements.
Update messages regularly. Recognize the inevitability of change.
"Human beings do not live in the objective world alone, nor alone in the world of social activity as ordinarily understood, but are very much at the mercy of the particular language which has become the medium of expression for their society. It is quite an illusion to imagine that one adjusts to reality essentially without the use of language and that language is merely an incidental means of solving specific problems of communication or reflection. The fact of the matter is that the ‘real world' is to a large extent unconsciously built up on the language habits of the group. No two languages are ever sufficiently similar to be considered as representing the same social reality."
(Edward Sapir, "The Status of Linguistics as a Science," 1929)
Master Your Words
Denotative: Restrictive or literal meaning of a word.
Connotative meaning: Personal and subjective meaning of a word.
Symbolic Interaction Theory: Theory that people make sense of the world based on their interpretation of words or symbols used by others.
Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis: Based on the principles of linguistic determinism and linguistic relativity, the hypothesis that language shapes our thoughts and culture, and our culture and thoughts affect the language we use to describe our world.
bypassing: confusion caused by the fact that the same word can mean different things to different people.
Euphemism: A mild or indirect word that is substituted for the one that describes something vulgar, profane, unpleasant or embarrassing.
Cliche: phrases that were novel at one time but have lost their effect because of over use.
Watch your words...
restricted code: Set of words that have particular meaning to a person, group or culture.
jargon: another name for restricted code; specialized terms or abbreviations whose meanings are known only to members of a specific group.
indexing: Avoiding generalizations by using statements that separate one situation, person, or example from another.
Static Evaluation: Pronouncement that does not take the possibility of change into consideration
Polarization: Description and evaluation of what you observe in terms of extremes such as good or bad, old or new, beautiful or ugly.
The "either/or" fallacy.
Describe your feelings
Present yourself as equal
Describe how you view the situation.
Disclose your feelings.
Identify the effects of the behavior.
Be silent and wait.
Paraphrase content and feelings.
How assertive are your messages?
Indicate on a scale of 1-5 your agreement with the statements:
1=always or almost always false
5=always or almost always true
I would express my opinion in a group even if my view contradicted the opinions of others.
When asked to do something that I really don't want to do, I can say no without feeling guilty.
I can express my opinion to superiors on the job.
I can start up a conversation with a stranger on a bus or in class without fear.
I voice objection to people's behavior if I feel it infringes on my rights.
Based on Jim Harvey's speech structures
"Concepts and words are symbols, just as visions, rituals, and images are; so too are the manners and customs of daily life.
Through all of these a transcendent reality is mirrored.
They are so many metaphors reflecting and implying something which, though thus variously expressed, is ineffable, though thus rendered multiform, remains inscrutable.
Symbols hold the mind to truth but are not themselves the truth, hence it is delusory to borrow them.
Each civilisation, every age, must bring forth its own."
Semiotics: the study of signs and symbols as communication
Do you know what I mean?
Blow me Away!
ETHNOCENTRISM: The tendency to see others and their behaviors through your own cultural filters, often as distortions of your own behaviors; the tendency to evaluate the values and beliefs of your own culture more positively than those of another culture.
CULTURAL IDENTIFIERS: The terms used to talk about cultural identifications; for example, race or religion.
Race and Nationality
European American-White-Nonwhite-People of Color-Black-African American
Indian-Native American-American Indian
Sex and Gender
intentional orientation: tendency to view people, objects, and events in terms of how they're talked about or labeled rather than in terms of how they actually exist.
extensional orientation: tendency to look first at the actual people, objects and events and then at labels.
fact-inference confusion: A mis-evaluation in which a person makes an inference, regards it as a fact, and acts upon it as if it were a fact.
Democrat v. Republican
Liberal v. Conservative
Passed away died
Fell off the back of a truck
Turn a trick
Negative patient outcome
Letting someone go
Put to sleep
On the streets
Handicapped or disabled
Create a short skit in your group that demonstrates a situation where you would use a restricted code.
Are you for us or against us?
College had better get me a good job. Otherwise, it has been a big waste of time.
Who are the good guys?
Concept Middle Opposite?
Describe the event (Who, What, Where, When)
Tell what you did and describe the action.
Acknowledge the damage done.
Tell what you wish you would have done differently.
Tell what you will do differently next time.
Ignores the presence or contributions of the other person; expresses indifference to what the other person says.
Makes no nonverbal contact; avoids direct eye contact; avoids touching and general nonverbal closeness.
Monologues; engages in communication in which one person speaks and one person listens; there is no real interaction; there is no real concern or respect for each other.
Jumps to interpretation or evaluation rather than working at understanding what the other person means.
Discourages; interrupts or otherwise makes it difficult for the other person to express himself or herself.
Avoids responding or responds tangentially by acknowledging the other person's comment but shifts the focus of the message in another direction.
Acknowledges the presence and the contributions of the other person by either supporting or taking issue with what he or she says.
Makes nonverbal contact by maintaining direct eye contact and, when appropriate, touching, hugging, kissing and otherwise demonstrating acknowledgment of the other.
Dialogues; engage in communication in which both persons are speakers and listeners; both are involved; both are concerned with and have respect for each other.
Demonstrates understanding of what the other person says and means and reflects your understanding in what you say; or when in doubt ask questions.
Encourages the other person to express his or her thoughts and feelings by showing interest and asking questions.
Responds directly and exclusively to what the other person says.
I like dogs too. Let’s exchange recipes.
You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.
Well, aren’t we just a ray of frigging sunshine?
How do we address sarcasm in conversation? When is it ok? When is it not ok? Does it ever lose meaning?
What makes a word profane?
Profanity: Words that people consider obscene, rude, or insensitive.
Describe loose sexual morals
sarcasm: the use of irony to mock or convey contempt.
irony: the expression of one's meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or emphatic effect.
Read Chapter Seven
Take Chapter Seven Quiz
Analyze one conversation you have for verbal v. nonverbal messages.
Observe your classroom.
Language: Structured system of symbols used for communicating meaning.
Language is symbolic
Language is mostly arbitrary.
Language is governed by rules.
Language has layers of meaning.
Language varies in clarity.
Language is bound by context and culture.
1900: John & Mary
1925: Robert and Mary
1950: James and Linda
1975: Michael and Jennifer
2010: Aiden and Sophia
We associate people's names with their identities.
EMC: Do you use different screen names online for different reasons?
Ethos: a speaker's respectability, trustworthiness, and moral character
Pathos: Listener's emotions
Logos: Listeners' the ability to reason (make judgments about the world on evidence rather than emotion or intuition.
Find a popular television commercial. What kind of appeal is used?
Appeal to Fear: Thousands of people die from lung cancer every year; you could be next.
Appeal to Guilt: Think about how many innocent children you're hurting every day with secondhand smoke.
Appeal to Joy: Imagine how happy you'd be if you were free of your nicotine addiction.
Appeal to Disgust: See this charred skin tissue? That's what your lungs look like right now.
Appeal to Shame: You're an embarrassment to your family when you smoke.
Appeal to Anger: Aren't you sick and tired of nicotine controlling every day of your life?
Appeal to Sadness: Imagine saying goodbye to your kids because smoking claimed your life.
What are "jargon words" in 2013?
Check your definitions in the urban dictionary.