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Hope-based Parenting (vs. Fear-based)

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by

Clark Wight

on 10 March 2017

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Transcript of Hope-based Parenting (vs. Fear-based)

Hope-based
Fear-based
Parents are too often ruled by fear. We are afraid our children will be hurt. We are afraid someone will think we are bad parents. We are afraid our children won’t like us. We are afraid we will regret our decisions. Ahhhh… so much pressure!
One reason given is that parents today are too quick to swoop in. We don't want our children to fall, so instead of letting them experience adversity, we clear the path. We remove obstacles to make their life easy. But adversity is a part of life, and only by facing it can our children build life-coping skills they'll need down the road. So while it seems like we're doing them a favor, we're really stunting their growth. We're putting short-term payoffs over long-term well-being.
"Could it be that by protecting our kids from unhappiness as children, we're depriving them of happiness as adults?"
While I find it great that today's parents are more invested in their children's lives than previous generations, our involvement can go overboard. What we may justify as "good parenting" can hurt our children later. Unless we're mindful of that, it's easy to handicap them by making their lives too easy.
"Prepare your child for the road,
not the road for your child."
zeitgeist
the defining spirit or mood of a particular period of history as shown by the ideas and beliefs of the time.
Hope or Fear? #10: Worshipping our children.
Hope or Fear? #9: Believing our children are perfect.
Hope or Fear? #8: Living vicariously through our children
Hope or Fear? #7: Wanting to be our child's BFF.
Hope or Fear? #6: Engaging in competitive parenting.
Hope or Fear? #5: Loving the wonder of childhood.
Hope or Fear? #4: Rising the child we want, not the child we have.
Hope or Fear?#3: Forgetting our actions speak louder than words.
My kids see HOPE in how I handle rejection and adversity. How I treat friends and strangers. Whether I nag or build up my partner. They notice ALL of these things.
Hope or Fear?#2: Judging other parents and their kids
Hope or Fear?#1: Value character over grades and awards
Character is the core ... their moral fiber, an inner compass. These things lay the foundation for a healthy future. They matter more than any assessment, school report or trophy ever will.
It is not easy ...
What is driving the fear and
what should we do about it?
Media??
9/11
shadow self??
What's the balance between pushing and allowing. Who is driving the bus?? What is driving the bus?
What are their goals?
Their dreams?

Opportunities are great.
Teaching our kids to value them is the key.
Wash their own sport uniforms.
Take the bus to school.
Temple of Delphi: Know Thyself
one word you won't see in this prezi ...
it is a dangerous, addictive and
ubiquitous word in parenting and life
if i don't 'have' this word
something MUST be wrong
hope parenting = not constant praise
hope parenting = not constant engagement
hope parenting is =
hope parenting = NOT perfect
Could it be that by protecting
our kids from unhappiness as children,
we are depriving them of happiness as an adult?
if kids can't experience painful things ...
they don't develop 'psychological immunity'
Super Parent Mode
"I can fix this!"
Fear leads to "our children are our masterpieces"

Hope leads to "be your masterpiece .. be you"

Discussion 1: What does today's
parenting require?
Hope-based Parenting =
Love + Values + Trials + Hope
Discussion 2: What are the things I am
anxious about with my kids?
the shadow self
BFF and the cool factor
Hope or Fear things to consider
_________
Discussion 3: What are the measures
of success as parents?

Discussion 4: Share strategies
that we can use to overcome
fear and anxiety
Discussion 5: How can I embody hope-based parenting more often? What will I need to modify and monitor?
Thank you ... you are here because
you have hope ... You are not alone
live, love, laugh and share
Full transcript