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Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

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dawn allison

on 2 June 2011

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Transcript of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Character List

1. Snow White- Seasonal affectve disorder, OCD
2. Queen- Schizophrenia
3. Prince- Necrophilia
4. Doc- D.I.D, Schizrophrenia (word salad)
5. Grumpy- Antisocial Personality Disorder
6. Happy- Mania, part of Doc
7. Sleepy- Narcolepsy
8. Dopey- Autism
9.Sneezy - Hypochondriac, part of Doc
10. Bashful- Social Anxiety Disorder
11. Mirror - Mental Health Professional Necrophilia- sexual affection towards dead people Word Salad- meaningless mixture of words and phrases Antisocial Personality Disorder- person's ways of thinking, perceiving situations and relating to others are abnormal — and destructive. Antisocial Personality Disorder- person's ways of thinking, perceiving situations and relating to others are abnormal — and destructive. Mania- When youre really happy all the time. Narcolepsy- Sleep attacks Hypochondriac- always think you have a medical illness Autism-disorder affecting social and communication skills early in life Social Anxiety Disorder- excessive and unreasonable fear of social situations. Multiple Personality Disorder: person displays multiple distinct identities or personalities (known as alter egos or alters), each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment Once upon a time, in a land far away (like Kuwait), there lived a beautiful little girl named Snow White. She had a few issues. You see, this little girl needed to clean her cabin while her papa was away. No, her dad didn’t make her; this isn’t Cinderella we’re talking about. She had a little mental problem called obsessive compulsive disorder. Poor Snow White was a prisoner of her obsessions and compulsions. Due to her compulsive cleaning, Snow White spent most of her time inside her cabin, and thus, suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder. The Evil Queen, who had monopoly on beauty, had no knowledge of the isolated maiden, Snow White. When the queens mental health professional (The magical mirror) informed her that “fairest of them all” was not herself but was, in fact, the messed up little girl who lived in the woods. Filled with rage, the narcissistic queen proceeded to call a lowly Once upon a time, in a land far away (like Kuwait), there lived a beautiful little girl named Snow White. She had a few issues. You see, this little girl needed to clean her cabin while her papa was away. No, her dad didn’t make her; this isn’t Cinderella we’re talking about. She had a little mental problem called obsessive compulsive disorder. Poor Snow White was a prisoner of her obsessions and compulsions. Due to her compulsive cleaning, Snow White spent most of her time inside her cabin, and thus, suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder. The Evil Queen, who had monopoly on beauty, had no knowledge of the isolated maiden, Snow White. When the queens mental health professional (The magical mirror) informed her that “fairest of them all” was not herself but was, in fact, the messed up little girl who lived in the woods. huntsman, from her backyard. She ordered him to stab Snow White… in the face.
“… but – Queen! Why do you want me to stab the face of such a beautiful little flower?”
“Because she’s prettier than me and I feel like it.”
Defeated, the huntsman hung his head and walked out of the castle, mentally preparing himself for the stabbing at hand (or face). Once he sharpened his knife, he set about looking for the pretty little thing. He found her sitting in a field of wild flowers. Cliché but adorable none-the-less. And, somehow strangely attractive to the huntsman.
“My, what beautiful flowers these are. Would you like to smell one, mister huntsman?”
“Erm, yeah, totally.” The huntsman nervously pulled out his knife and proceeded to gallantly cut a flower for the damsel. She excitedly accepted it, having never encountered a man with a knife, because she’s real sheltered. “Behold! Now taste the bitter metal of my blade!” The huntsman swung his instrument near her face. Snow White backed away, horrified; she realized that automatically trusting everyone she met was probably not the best way to live her life.
She began to run, not counting her steps (for once) or even looking where she was going. After she heard the older, slightly overweight huntsman groan in frustration, she slowed down a bit. She kept walking deeper into the woods, however; she did not know whether or not anyone else was after her. She soon came upon a small cottage, buried deep in the woods. It was a peculiar house, with mismatched curtains and a disproportionately short door.
Like any good horror movie character, Snow decided to go inside and look around. Once she’d washed the dishes and hung the laundry, she looked around for more housekeeping to do, but found none. By that point, she was exhausted beyond reason and fell asleep on a funny little bed.
A few hours later, when she awoke, she was surrounded by five dwarfs, all staring at her quizzically. “….. So, ahh... What’s going on? I mean, this morning we went out to the mine, like normal, had a normal day, then on the way back we ran into some weirdo kissing corpses at the open gravesite. And now we get home and you’re here – “
For some reason, the affable dwarf who first addressed her collapsed in a heap and started snoring. Snow White shook her head and attempted to make sense of the situation.
“Hey, can I crash with you guys for a while? Some jerk just tried to off me. I’ll clean your house and stuff for you.” She figured that being straightforward was the best way to go. When the small people looked at each other and shrugged (except for one grumpy individual, who frowned and shook his head, and another who just repetitively stacked markers on top of each other), she knew she’d be fine. For some reason, the affable dwarf who first addressed her collapsed in a heap and started snoring. Snow White shook her head and attempted to make sense of the situation.
“Hey, can I crash with you guys for a while? Some jerk just tried to off me. I’ll clean your house and stuff for you.” She figured that being straightforward was the best way to go. When the small people looked at each other and shrugged (except for one grumpy individual, who frowned and shook his head, and another who just repetitively stacked markers on top of each other), she knew she’d be fine.
Some time later (like three weeks), Snowy ate a grapefruit that an old woman (the evil queen!) gave her in return for warm bread. She died, and old woman started cackling, happy that she’d committed yet another murder, and confident that she was now the most beautiful maiden in all the land.
When the dwarves got home that evening, they had no idea what to do. Suddenly, the two antisocial brothers put their heads together and realized that the only thing to do would be to sell her dead body to the creepy guy they saw in the graveyard and hope he gave them enough money to hire a maid. Doc attempted to disagree, but then he coughed and he suddenly seemed…different. Whenever he sneezed or sniffled, he’d freak out and start mumbling about germs. Disturbed, the group ignored his vote and just went on with the plan. After they’d dragged her (only bumping her head a few times) to the creepy man, he took one look at her and said, “five pence”
Enraged, Grumpy argued, “No way, at least two Galleons!”
The prince (secretly!) grudgingly agreed on the terms that he would kiss her once before he paid, “to really make sure she’s dead, man…”
His lips brushed hers, and a miracle of true love happened. She came back to life. Yay. However, she realized that everyone she surrounded herself with had major issues, so she bribed them all to accompany her somewhere.
“No, seriously, I know a guy that can help you all out. Well, except for Sleepy. He’s beyond repair.” Snow White smiled as they all chuckled at her vaguely offensive joke, and Doc began laughing wildly, beating his comically undersized fists against the counter in some sort of fit of mania.
The other elves dwarves again shrugged and went on without him. They travelled with Snow White to the Queen’s castle, a few blocks away. They climbed up to highest floor of the tallest tower of the castlest castle, and knocked on the chamber door. The magic mirror answered, “What do you want? I have all the answers.”
“Please sir, can you help us out?” queried the Prince, whilst thinking about naked dead bodies.
Once the mirror saw Snow White, it fell in love and agreed to help the bundle of dysfunctional souls.
The End
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