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Transcript of Forgiveness
*Everyone is cursing the darkness,
and no one is
Brian D. Wummel LLPC, NCC
35% of women report spousal emotional abuse
72% of women said emotional abuse had a more negative impact than physical abuse leading to...
*Seven Categories of emotional spousal abuse*
3. Jealous control
4. Purposeful Ignoring
5. Threats of abandonment
Threats of harm
7. Damage to property
Anger, depression, anxiety,
posttraumatic stress disorder,
learned helplessness, low self-esteem,
and on going debilitating resentment
Validating anger one to two years after the abusive relationship (positive)
What Forgiveness is not -
*Condoning *Over looking
*Excusing or *Forgetting
*Works on the individual level
*It fails to recognize the systemic problems
Suppose you were a victim of some evil act, what kind of victim would you want to be?
"A willingness to abandon one's right to resentment, negative judgment, and indifferent behavior toward one who has unjustly
hurt us, while fostering the undeserved qualities of compassion, generosity and even love toward him or her." - Enright
Having justice served may be as beneficial as forgiving
Nietzsche viewed forgiveness as a act of weakness, done by those without power to save themselves from negative affect.
Granting Forgiveness or Harboring Grudges
1. Rehearsing hurt, harboring grudges
2. Empathizing with the offender, granting forgiveness.
Measured heart rate, blood pressure, and facial tension
Rehearsing hurt and harboring grudges increased all measure significantly
Anger, hostility, anxiety, depression,
strongly linked to heart disease
*599,413 deaths per year due to heart disease
Cycle of Anger:
Can lead to deeper more intense experience of anxiety and depression
Narrative Theory &
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget."
- Thomas Szasz
When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
At its core, forgiveness therapy asks the client to retell their stories of deep hurt in such a way that frees them of anxiety, anger, and depression that has been affecting their overall well-being.
Does one need to reconcile in order to forgive?
21 stage process model
* Meaning Making
*A not knowing position
*Language produces reality
The victim dines their own importance
Forgiveness therapy makes the assumption that other forms other therapy do not provide relief for victims
FT is a victim therapy & makes no claim to stop victimization
-Bernard Meltzer, Radio host
Fred Luskin, Ph.D.
Reed, G. L., & Enright, R. D. (2006).
Reed, G. L., & Enright, R. D. (2006).
Witvliet, et al. (2001).
Hebl & Enright (1993).
Knutson, Enright, & Garbers (2008).
Coyle, C. T., & Enright, R. D. (1997). Forgiveness intervention with postabortion men. Journal of Counseling and Clinical Psychology, 65(5),1042-1046. doi:10.1037 /002-006x.65.6.1042
Freedman, S. R., & Enright, R. D. (1996). Forgiveness as an intervention goal with incest survivors. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 64(5), 983- 992. doi:10.1037/0022-006x.64.5.983
Garrard, E., & Mcnaughton, D. (2010) Forgiveness. Ashford Colour Press. United Kingdom
Hebl, J. H., & Enright, R. D., (1993). Forgiveness as a psychotherapeutic goal with elderly females. Psychotherapy. Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 30(4), 658-667. doi:10.1037/0033-3126.96.36.1998
Knutson, J., Enright, R. D., & Grabers, B. (2008). Validating the developmental pathways of forgiveness. Journal of Counseling and Development, 86(2), 193-199. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/219030162?accountid=12924
Lamb, S. (2005). Forgiveness therapy: The context and conflict. Journal of Theoretical and Philosophical Psychology, 25(1).61-79.
Reed, G. L., & Enright, R. D. (2006). The effects of forgiveness therapy on depression, anxiety, and posttraumatic stress for women after spousal emotional abuse. Journal of Counseling and Clinical Psychology, 74(5) 920-929. doi: 10.1037/002-0066x.74.5.920
Witvliet, C. V., Ludwig, T. E., & Vander Lann, K. L. (2001). Granting forgiveness or harboring grudges: Implications for emotion, physiology, and health. Psychological Science, 12(2), 117-123