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The Spiritual Science of Attraction
Transcript of The Spiritual Science of Attraction
Spiritual Science of Attraction
What are some of the differences
between the male and female?
NEEDS CAN BE FULFILLED IF YOU ARE IN THE MODE OF GOODNESS (means, being in the present)
Needs a satisfied, selfless lady
Constantly admired, hero
Needs a giving, sense-controlled man
Affection, attention, protection
Listening and articulation
Logical or emotional
Logical & emotional
They Make A Team
A confident wife + a considerate husband.
Women appreciate power from a man. . .
. . . power applied gently
MASCULINE - FEMININE PRINCIPLE
Whatever the masculine principle does, the feminine principle follows
If the masculine stops trying in the relationship, the feminine will
If the masculine can't be bothered, the feminine won't be bothered
If the masculine won't tolerate her, the feminine won't tolerate him
If the masculine won't respect her, there's no way she will respect him
If the masculine acts responsibility, the feminine will
If the masculine has a service mentality, the feminine will
You command respect
not demand respect
between living entities
work on this masculine feminine principle.
'The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.'
- Henry David Thoreau
Memory of Daily Events
Sensual - eyes
Sense of Direction
Sensual - All senses
Canakya Pandit: Even more satisfying for a man than taking over and ruling an entire kingdom, is the woman telling him he’s the best man in the world.
What are the consequences
of expecting a person to change?
Visala Prabhu recalls: “I brought my wife to Bombay with me and I said to Srila Prabhupada in front of her, ‘Srila Prabhupada, I understand that the husband is representative of the spiritual master . . . should she do everything I ask?’ And Srila Prabhupada said, ‘And you should be so arrogant?’”
Knowledge is power
Power should be controlled and applied according to the nature of the feminine
“One should become a perfect gentleman and learn to give proper respect to others.” (Sri Isopanisad, Mantra 10 ppt)
“Simply get married without considering what is the serious nature of married life, then if there is little disturbance, or if I do not like my wife or my husband, let me go away, everyone else is doing like that. So in this way the whole thing is becoming a farce.” (Letter to Madhukara, 4 January 1973)
When the wife is accepted as a sense gratificatory agency, personal beauty is the main consideration, and as soon as there is a break in personal sense gratification, there is disruption or divorce. But when husband and wife aim at spiritual advancement by mutual cooperation, there is no consideration of personal beauty or the disruption of so-called love. SB 3.14.19 ppt
Here two words are used very significantly-yathä-silam and yathä-ruci. Man and woman should not be united simply on the consideration of sex life. There are many other considerations, especially character and taste. If the taste and character differ between the man and woman, their combination will be unhappy. At the present moment, because boys and girls are not married according to quality and character, most marriages are unhappy, and there is divorce.
The phrase "like disposition" is very significant. Formerly, boys and girls of similar dispositions were married; the similar natures of the boy and girl were united in order to make them happy.
-SB 3.21.15 ppt
Exhibits service mentality
Acts according to TPC
Various types of relationship tastes
Why the Vedas?
guna - qualities
ruci - taste
Similarity in these 4 dimensions for a harmonious match
Obstacles to Healthy Relationships
manonukulam prathamam prashastam
- sages recommend the feminine and masculine like each other, otherwise eyes drift.
Attraction which develops gradually can be more genuine than instant
1) You have not recovered sufficiently from a previous relationship (resentment still exists)
2) Your self-esteem is so low that you cannot possibly love another person (you may dislike yourself or feel no one would want to be in a relationship with you because you have very little that is valuable to offer a mate)
3) You feel so empty or needy inside that you find it almost impossible to feel any emotions (you may be unable or unwilling to talk about your feelings or you may be so lonely, desperate and miserable that you have nothing to offer except your extreme neediness)
4) You have an addiction - to drugs, alcohol, sex or gambling - that you are not dealing with.
5) Lack of self-understanding
Obstacles to Healthy Relationships
6) You want all the benefits of being single and the benefits of being in a relationship
7) Lack of the 6 loving exchanges
8) You demonstrate real lack of gratitude in general
9) Terrible diet
11) Authority issues
12) Vomit speech
13) Karmic connections with previous partners
The 2 Essential Needs
Sense control &
visrambhenatma-saucena gauravena damena ca
susrusaya sauhrdena vaca madhuraya
atma-saucena—with purity of mind & body
gauravena—with great respect
damena—with control of the senses
susrusaya—with service sauhrdena—with love;
vaca—with words; madhuraya—sweet;
6 Principal Universal Qualities of the Masculine
kirtih - fame
vak - fine speech
ksama - patience
7 Principal Universal Qualities of the Feminine
dhritih - determination
smrtih - memory
medha - intelligence
srih - beauty
Criticism ruins a relationship
The beginning and conclusion are important for the feminine
Relationship is like a dance
Energy moves up but in jagged lines
Relationships only work in the present.
Arguments are great opportunities to take the energy higher
The feminine increases happiness; the masculine increases security
Being male is a matter of birth
Being a man is a matter of age
Being a gentleman is a matter of choice
Being female is a matter of birth
Being a woman is a matter of age
Being a gentlewoman is a matter of choice
The feminine rarely directly say what they mean
An angry woman is never to be blamed
Masculine means being humble while she's upset
Adjusting around the feminine's mood; that's masculine
man shows emotional simplicity;
shows emotional complexity
Never go into a situation with a plan
The feminine follows so if you're not submissive
A number 1 no-no. Don't mention other women
Don't deal with the feminine in the same way another person says they deal with theirs, in detail
Number 2 no-no. "I told you so" Never go back on what you did for them as if it applies right now
Modern research and the Vedas both say it increases the chances of a relationship failing...
...because one takes advantage of the benefits of a relationship without the protection device of commitment
The common thing is to do it as a screening-device before marriage. However as a strategy the data doesn't correlate since couples who get married after living together are more likely to get divorced than those who forgo it and less than those who never do
The average guy before he settles has kissed 23 girls, met 3 of them online, with 3 blind dates, had 10 sexual partners, ten 1-night stands, and 20% have had a child before marriage.
The average girl before she gets married kisses 15 men, has 4 disaster dates, stood up once, has her heartbroken twice, and lived with one ex-partner
Polygamy, polyamory & Open Relationships
“H.H. BVPS: Tendency, but not reality. If you can't take care of one woman, you are not gonna be able to take care of two. To understand what you need about married life to become self-realised you only need one.
Now, let's look at it why in the contemporary sense there would be an interest? Because the man doesn't know how to behave, therefore he is not getting a good response, because that is his woman. So he turns his attention to another woman who he doesn't belong to. And in that he thinks he is getting a nice response. "My wife doesn't respond well, this woman does. See, I am the man, just my wife doesn't understand, I still got it." He thinks like that. But in reality, that's only because that second woman doesn't own him yet. As soon she owns him, she'll act exactly the way the wife does. In other words, if you think about it, the wife before marriage acted just like this second woman is acting now.”
Should there be a time period before sex? If so, how long?
Santosha - Satisfaction
HH BVPS: “Satisfaction is the basis for happiness. Satisfaction means being happy with what you have, not what you want to get. Material happiness means when I get what I want, that moment I get it I'm happy. But satisfaction is, "I 'm happy with what I have now." So in other words, if one is satisfied with what one has now, one's situation will improve. Dissatisfaction has never done anyone any good. If you become satisfied then you see 50% of your problems go away. And then what's left, connect that to the Supreme.”
How can you increase your own levels of satisfaction?
Role of Vedic Astrology
Reveals aspects that you miss through observation
Role of Vedic Astrology
Reveals aspects that you miss through observation
Affirmations, Prayer and Mantra
My dear Divine Couple. Please purify my will; I am Yours.
Force me to do what is right and best for the pleasure of You and those who You arrange to enter my life.
Use me as You like. You be my intelligence.
You be my mind. You act as my will. I don’t know what is best for me.
In this lifetime I am trying so hard and nothing's working.
I ask You to put me in the right place at the right time for the right thing.
Whatever is best, whether it is auspicious or inauspicious, bring upon me what I need.
My desire, my intelligence, even my will, they are all contaminated.
I know nothing is to be asked of you. I desire to walk the spiritual path with a partner of similar nature for Your pleasure. If you so desire and think this is best please kindly arrange this and show me clearly that You wish for me to enter the connection.
I offer myself, my friendships and relationships to You, my dear Lord.
I am Yours.
You do with me what is best.
Help me to be eager to accept not in a grudging mood, but with real zeal and enthusiasm, as I submit myself and ask, “what can I do?”
Whatever or whoever I need to be a better servant for you, let it happen or come to me. Whatever ro whoever I need to have taken away to become pure in Your service, let it be taken away.”
• About personality or character, rather than behavior
• Filled with blame
• Not focused on improvement
• Based on only one “right way” to do things
CRITICISM V FEEDBACK: Critical people often delude themselves into thinking that they merely give helpful feedback.
The following are ways to tell the two apart.
• Criticism focuses on what’s wrong. (“Why can’t you pay attention to the bills?”)
• Feedback focuses on how to improve. ("Let’s go over the bills together.")
• Criticism implies the worst about the other’s personality. (“You’re stubborn and lazy.”)
• Feedback is about behavior, not personality. (“Can we start by sorting the bills according to due date?”)
• Criticism devalues. (“I guess you’re just not smart enough to do this.”)
• Feedback encourages. ("I know you have a lot on your plate, but I’m pretty sure we can do this together.")
• Criticism implies blame. (“It’s your fault we’re in this financial mess.”)
• Feedback focuses on the future. (“We can get out of this mess if we both give up a few things. What do you think?”)
• Criticism attempts to control. (“I know what’s best; I’m smarter and more educated.")
• Feedback respects autonomy. (“I respect your right to make that choice, even though I don’t agree with it.”)
• Criticism is coercive. (“You’re going to do what I want, or else I won’t connect with you or will punish you in some way.”)
• Feedback is not at all coercive. (“I know we can find a solution that works for both of us.”)
yatha taror mula-nisecanena / trpyanti tat-skandha-bhujopasakhah
pranopaharac ca yathendriyanam tathaiva sarvarhanam acyutejya
As pouring water on the root of a tree energizes the trunk, branches, twigs and everything else, and as supplying food to the stomach enlivens the senses and limbs of the body, simply worshiping the Supreme Personality of Godhead through devotional service automatically satisfies the demigods, who are parts of that Supreme Personality.
Power of honesty
The Yossi exercise
What we're looking for in a relationship
Why the Vedas
Knowledge - Action - Attraction
Compatibility in maturity, character, qualities, taste
Obstacles to healthy relationships
Introduction to masculine-feminine principle
Development areas of the male and female
2 basic needs
6 principal qualities of the masculine / feminine
6 keys to his heart
Detriments of criticism
7 Levels of Attraction
6 Trust Building Principles
Co-habitation - Sex - Open Relationships
Role of Astrology
Affirmations and Mantra