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Bullying 101 the crash course

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Connie Ernsberger

on 4 March 2011

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Transcript of Bullying 101 the crash course

Bullying 101 Philosophy of Children Descartes Children are flawed and incapable of true reason Locke Children can absorb knowledge Leibniz Children have innate abilities Baumgarten Children experience a rough estimation of the world through their senses which is to be regulated by reason as they become adults Children's sensibilities are to be admired and hopefully reason will not "tyrannize" their sense of aesthetics Instinctive (?) Unconditional Positive Regard Goals Helping children develop Education Consequences (punishment) is a means, not a goal itself. Assumption 1: all children can learn Assumption 2: it is good to gain knowledge Starting Out Positive Deliberately create a culture of respect Before bullying has a chance to occur School atmosphere and attitudes In the Midst of Bullying Fallout After the Fact The Victim The Bully It Starts at the Top In the Classroom What Kids Can Do Cyberbullying Sexting Facebook, Twitter, et al Polls and Surveys Modelling respectful behavior Clubs and groups Positive student leaders School spirit Students must know the rules Protocol High academic standards Safe learning environment/openness to creativity Conferences then formation of a committee of

-an administrator
-a teacher from each grade level
-a non-faculty member
-a counselor or school psychologist Total school community (faculty, parents, coaches, security, student body, cafeteria staff) Teacher training Identify hot spot locations Never, ever, ever, ever, ever ignore bullying Talking with students in the moment Don't stand by *No statistics on the prevalence of bullying will be presented today. In the curriculum Administrative policy Contact the police immediately if known or suspected cyberbullying involves acts such as:

-Threats of violence

- Extortion

- Obscene or harassing phone calls or text messages

- Harassment, stalking or hate crimes

- Child pornography

- Sexual exploitation

- Taking a photo image of someone who thinks he/she is in private
-Stand between the child or children who bullied and those who were bullied.

-Block eye contact between them.

-Don't send any students away–especially bystanders.

-Don't immediately ask about or discuss the reason for the bullying or try to sort out the facts.

-Call or send for an administrator.

-Write it up/follow school protocol. Don't ask what happened at the time of the incident. It can be very uncomfortable to be questioned in front of other students. Support the bullied child in a way that allows him or her to regain self-control, to “save face,” and to feel supported and safe from retaliation. -Refer to the bullying behavior and to the relevant school rules against bullying.

-Use a matter-of-fact tone of voice to state what behaviors you saw/heard.

-Let students know that bullying is unacceptable and against school rules. -Include bystanders in the conversation and give them guidance about how they might appropriately intervene or get help next time.

-Don't put bystanders on the spot to explain publicly what they observed.

-If you noticed anyone attempt to stop the bullying, use a calm, matter-of-fact, supportive tone of voice to let them know that you are pleased with the way they tried to help–even if they weren't successful.
-All consequences for bullying should follow a preset, logical protocol that connects to the offense.

-Consider taking away social opportunities (e.g., recess, lunch in the cafeteria) after the first incident.

-Let students who bully know that the administration will be watching them and their friends closely to be sure that there is no retaliation. Notify colleagues.

-Increasingly "worse" consequences should be in place for repeat-offenders. -If appropriate, impose immediate consequences for students who bully others.

-Do not require students to apologize or make amends during the heat of the moment (everyone should have time to cool off ). -Do not require the students to meet and “work things out.” Unlike conflicts, bullying involves a power imbalance, which means this strategy will not work.

-Trying to find a way to “work things out” can retraumatize the student who was bullied and
may not improve relationships between the victim and the bully.

-As an alternative, encourage the bully to make amends directly if the victim agrees, or indirectly through community service. Contact parents of both the bully and the victim -Students who bully may need help recognizing their behavior, taking responsibility for their behavior, developing empathy and perspectivetaking abilities, and finding ways to make amends.

-They also may need help to learn how to use power in socially appropriate ways (i.e. being a positive leader). -Gather more information by talking privately with bystanders.

-Intensify observation and supervision and offer incentives or positive consequences to active, helpful bystanders to increase involvement by students.

-To be successful, bystanders need opportunities to discuss and practice responses outside of the heat of the moment. The more options they have, the more successful they will be. Suspected Bullying -Bullies may come from homes where there is little warmth and parental attention, and where parents discipline inconsistently using physical punishment and emotional outbursts.

-Bullies may have little empathy or trust and little ability to delay gratification.

-Structured counseling and education that stresses acknowledging actions, empathy development, and restitution is likely to be effective if it follows consistent negative consequences for the aggressive behavior.

-Bullies often need to recognize that their behavior will continue to lead to consequences until they change it before using any counseling.

-Requests to apologize, self-esteem-building assignments, asking why, pleading, and expressions of frustration are unlikely to help and may make things worse. Useful questions to ask the bully:

-What did you do?

-Why was that a bad thing to do?

-Who did you hurt?

-What were you trying to accomplish?

-Next time you have that goal, how will you meet it without hurting anybody? Bullies often need to learn to:

-Acknowledge their own actions

-Acknowledge the results of their behavior on themselves

-Develop anxiety ("I got caugt and am in big trouble.")

-Change their actions to stay out of trouble

-Find other ways to get their needs met

-Acknowledge the results of their behavior on others

-Develop guilt ("I am responsible for hurting someone.")

-Learn to trust others and delay gratification

-Form relationships with helping adults -Bullies showing antisocial behavior will get stuck part-way through these steps.

-When they get stuck, we need to focus with them to help them move on.

-Appreciate their progress. Seeing signs of progress in the behavior of antisocial children is what keeps them trying to improve. Seeing signs of progress is what keeps us liking them. They will only work with and for us if they know we like them. -Mentor them and connect with them.

-Increase supervision to protect them from future verbal and physical aggression and make sure adults welcome and act on their reports of future bad treatment.

-Help them develop an answer to the question: "Why did he/she do that to me?" The answer should not be one that blames themselves. One answer is "Some people like being mean to others" or, like the T-shirt read, "Bullies don't feel good about themselves."

-Involve them in expressive education/therapy where they can act, write, draw, and talk about their experience.

-Help them get support from others with similar histories.

-Help them connect with a network of peer support and friendship. -Help bystanders see that their silence makes aggressive students more powerful and contributes to the harm done to the target.

-Protect them from retaliation if they do speak up.

-Discourage them from confronting aggressive peers directly.

-Encourage them/have a rule to tell adults about the bullying behavior they see.

-Brainstorm with them to identify ways to reach out in friendship to targets of bullying and isolated peers. The Bottom Line

-Bullying occurs most frequently from sixth to eighth grade, with little variation between urban, suburban, town and rural areas.

-Males are more likely to be bullies and victims of bullying than females.

-Males are more likely to be physically bullied, while females are more likely to be verbally or psychologically bullied.

-Bullies and victims of bullying have difficulty adjusting to their environments, both socially and psychologically.

-Victims of bullying have greater difficulty making friends and are lonelier.

-Bullies are more likely to smoke and drink alcohol, and to be poorer students.

-Bully-victims--students who are both bullies and recipients of bullying--tend to experience social isolation, to do poorly in school and to engage in problem behaviors such as smoking and drinking. -Have you or have you seen words or actions hurt?

-Have you seen words or actions that make someone feel afraid?

-What types of bullying have you seen?

-What were the effects of this bullying?

-Were feelings hurt? How would you feel?

-What might be some unseen effects of bullying?

-Did the bully intend to hurt or scare that person?

-Why do people bully others? Are they angry? Do they want thier way? -As much as you can, avoid the bully. You can't go into hiding or skip class but if you can, take a different route to avoid him or her.

-Stand tall and be brave. When you're scared of another person, you're probably not feeling your bravest. But sometimes just acting brave is enough to stop a bully.

-Feel good about you. Nobody's perfect, but what can you do to look and feel your best? Address the things you can, and accept who you are.

-Get a buddy and be a buddy. Make a plan to walk with a friend or two on the way to school or recess or lunch or wherever you think you might meet the bully. -Ignore the bully. Bullies want a big reaction to their teasing and meanness.

-Stand up for yourself. Pretend to feel really brave and confident. Tell the bully "No! Stop it!" in a loud voice. Then walk away, or run if you have to. Bullies tend to bully kids who don't stick up for themselves.

-Kids also can stand up for each other by telling a bully to stop teasing or scaring someone else, and then walk away together.

-Don't bully back. Don't hit, kick, or push back to deal with someone bullying you or your friends. Fighting back just satisfies a bully.

-Don't show your feelings to the bully. Plan ahead. How can you stop yourself from getting angry or showing you're upset?

-Tell an adult. This is why every person in the school community must be supportive. School Wide Initiatives

-Bully boxes, where students can put notes if they are too worried to tell someone

-Special campaigns, such as a "no-bullying day"

-Mediation, where two people who disagree involve a third person, either an adult or a trained peer mediator, to help find a solution (this only works when both sides have valid agendas and good intentions)

-Role-playing or presentations that depict bullying

-Peer support groups, where older students volunteer to discuss things like bullying, friendship or drugs with groups of younger students Assemblies No Bullying - No Tolerance Pledge

I believe that we all have the right to be who we are without bias or judgment. I recognize the insensitivity, bias, bigotry and ignorance is prejudice and discrimination.

In order to be a fair and respectful person and make my school, community and country a better place, today I make a personal pledge to honor and respect everyone …no matter what their beliefs, abilities, race, culture, sexual identity, or other characteristics are.

In order to fulfill my pledge, I (Student Name) will:

-Be kind and considerate of others and their feelings
-Look at my own biases, get help and work hard to overcome them
-Speak our against hate, bigotry and injustice
-Pledge no tolerance of bullying at school, in my community and at home

We are all different, yet we share a community, we share a world! We share the joys of being fair and tolerant and making our shared communities and world a better place. 1. The teacher and the parents of the children involved will meet with the principal and school counselor. A specific plan will be made so that students will understand what happened and will get the counseling or other support they need to deal with whatever happened and to prevent future problems. The goal will be to resolve the situation in a solution-oriented, fair, and respectful fashion for everyone involved. Every effort will be made to protect students raising concerns from retaliation.

2. A letter will go home to other parents without naming the families involved. The letter will describe what happened and what steps were taken. The letter will suggest how parents might talk with their children about what happened in an age appropriate positive way.

3. For a severe situation, a meeting will be held so parents can discuss their concerns and get help in how to talk to their children.

4. When appropriate, training and/or counseling will be offered to the parents, teachers, and students involved in the incident. Recognize direct and indirect forms of bullying Be aware/acknowledge bullying
be engaged and active to address it Avoid mixed age groups Official contact person/school psychologist Sample Classroom Rules

-We shall not bully other students.
-We shall try to help students who are bullied.
-We shall make a point to include all peers. Consequences should be:

-easy to administer

-immediately administered

-focused on behavior, not child

-focused on specific behavior

-public Examples of Consequences

-talk with teacher

-principal's office

-service to the school (younger children?)

-miss recess

-lose a privilege

-call parents Mutual positive dependence Define Bullying

-Social Exclusion
-Physical violence
-Sexual/religious/racial harassment
-Destruction of Property
-Cyber or in person Presenter: Connie Ernsberger Know your state laws Break Out Session 1 Congratulations! You are on an anti-bullying committee because you attended this workshop. You have until the end of this school year to create a proposal and implement any anti-bullying programs you want. Create a budget, and present to the group how you will spend your time and money, and why. Group Discussion Why might teachers hesitate to act when they see bullying occur? How could a school address and avoid this? Break Out Session 3 Should schools address off-campus bullying behavior when clear evidence has been brought to the attention of the administration? Group Discussions Advice for Kids to Prevent Run-Ins with Bullies Sample Policy Immediately Stop the Bullying Empowering Bystanders Supporting Victims Gulliver's Policies BULLYING/HARRASSMENT

• All Gulliver students have a responsibility for keeping the school environment free from harassment and bullying.
• The term harassment includes, but is not limited to, slurs, bully type behavior, jokes, threats, gestures, displays of
bigotry, and other verbal, graphic, electronic, or offensive physical conduct relating to an individual’s age, race, color,
sex, religion, national origin, sexual orientation, citizenship, or disability.
• Harassment also includes sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, offensive touching, and other verbal, graphic,
physical conduct, or electronic communications of a sexual nature.
• Bullying is defined as an on-going repeated harassing behavior on or off campus.
• Students and parents must report incidents to a guidance counselor, Principal, or other administrator.
• Do not assume that the school is aware of an incident of harassment or bullying problem.
• Any student found to have violated this policy will be subject to disciplinary action, including possible expulsion.
• No adverse action will be taken against any person for making a good faith report of alleged harassment.
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