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Reflective Listening

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Michael Intinarelli

on 9 July 2014

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Transcript of Reflective Listening

Michael Intinarelli
Reflective Listening
Barriers to
Reflective Listening
Reflect what is being said in your words
Concentrate on what is being said
Repeat what is being said in your mind
Listen without passing judgment or making assumptions
Identify the structure of the thought
Listen for content,intent, and context
Is what you hear the same as what is being said?
In Sum
This exercise is designed to help us understand how we allow our assumptions and beliefs to hinder our understanding of others. Listen to the story carefully; when prompted, answer the questions that follow.
Listening Exercise
The Story of Goldilocks
1. Goldilocks was a small girl.
2. Goldilocks knocked on the door before
entering the house.
3. The bears had porridge for breakfast.
4. Papa Bear’s porridge was too hot.
5. There were three bears.
6. Goldilocks ate all of the porridge in one bowl.
7. There were three chairs in the lounge.
8. Goldilocks broke the baby bear’s chair.
9. Goldilocks went upstairs to the bedroom.
10. Mama Bear’s bed was too soft.
11. When Goldilocks saw the bears she was frightened.
12. Goldilocks ran off into the forest.
Goldilocks: True of False
Facts Test.
1. False. The story did not talk about her age or size.
2. True
3. False. We don’t know if the porridge was for breakfast or if the bears ate the food.
4. False. We know the first bowl was hot. We don’t know if that was the daddy bear’s porridge.
5. True.
6. False. We know she ate enough food. But we don’t now if it was one whole bowl.
7. False. The story next room. It did not say it was a lounge.
8. True
9. True. When the bears found Goldilocks in the bed, she ran downstairs.
10.False. We know it was the second bed. We don’t know if it was momma’s bed.
11.False. We don’t now if she was frightened. Maybe she was embarrassed.
Defensive positioning - allowing the feeling of being attacked prevent you from listening.

Being more concerned with what you need to say than
what the other person is saying

Thinking we know what the other person is going to say before they say it.

Not making the time to listen

What’s in the way of effective listening? Our mental habits, such as: analyzing, evaluating,and judging the speaker or the content

Waiting to make additions, refute, add, or comment on what is being said

Allowing distractions to interfere with listening.
What we will cover:
Reflective Listening
What is reflective listening?
Why is it important?
Reflective listening skills
Reflective listening methods
Barriers to Effective listening
Listening Exercise

and a Challenge !!!
Reflective Listening
Reflective listening is also known as parallel talk, parroting, or paraphrasing.
It is not merely repeating what the speaker says, but actively attempting to understand what the speaker "means" to say.

Active listening is method of "listening for meaning", in which the listener gets feedback from the speaker to verify that a statement has been correctly heard and understood.

The goal of reflective listening is to improve mutual understanding and cooperation.
Enable communication to be clear, positive,and specific

Recognize that each individual sees things from a different point of view.It is from an understanding of another's frame of reference that true communication can take place. This holds for the home, or the workplace.

Be open and honest about your feelings and accept the other's feelings as equally valid.

Ask questions for clarification on an issue.

Learn to Listen. Allow time for the people to talk without interruptions or, to quote Fight Club, "waiting for your turn to speak".
Distractions, remaining attached to personal beliefs and values, and misinterpretations of what is being said lead to mis-communication and ineffective listening !!!
The Challenge !
Choose a person with whom you are having trouble communicating or listening or choose a person whose beliefs are radically different than you own.

Engage that person into a conversation in which you remain consciously aware of your own interpretations of what is being said.

Concentrate on your speaker. Use reflective listening techniques such as, “I just want to make sure I understand you. Can I clarify?” People rarely say no to this.

When you are speaking, ask the person if they would not mind sharing what they’re hearing you say. You can then take an opportunity to correct them if you feel misunderstood.
Barriers Recap !!
Blah, blah, blah...
yaketty smack!
Goldilocks Listening Exercise source
- http://www.eslwriting.org/5489/listening-exercise-goldilocks
Full transcript