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Events, Issues, and Hidden Issues & Sharing Hearts

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by

Alejandra Gamboa

on 25 April 2015

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Transcript of Events, Issues, and Hidden Issues & Sharing Hearts

Events, Issues, and Hidden Issues
Sliding or Deciding???
Spinning your wheels
Trivial triggers
Avoidance
Score Keeping
Signs of Hidden Issues
Couple Activity
. This activity is to give both couples a change to share what is in your heart about your relationship.

. Please circle the ones that you feel the most from your partner.
Doing something for your partner is one style of loving.
Love Style: Do
How to Deal with Issues
Decide when to talk
Set aside a specific time to talk about issues
Use the Speaker Listener Technique
Decide when not to talk
Now when you're riled-up about an event
Use Time-Outs
Group 5
Aryel Lucky, Alaina McFadden, Arely Montano-Rodriguez, Jaclyn Contreras, May Sein, Alejandra Gamboa, and Moises Mercado.
XYZ Statements to Encourage
Sharing Hearts
The fifth style of showing love is "Talk"
Love Style: Talk
What Kind of "Talk"?
Sharing Hearts Module Concluded
How might this argument have started?
"The topic that is discussed is called the issue. Issues are what we usually call "the problem."
How can we apply the Sliding vs. Deciding principle to events and issues?
What is the topic?
We experience events, events trigger issues, the issue escalates into something
big
.
How does this effect safety?
Physical Safety
Emotional Safety
Commitment Safety
The kind of talking friends do.
No talking about your problems
No Figuring out who needs to do what, when.
Just having fun!
Let's Practice!
Take a few minutes to share with your partner something that you find exciting, interesting, or funny
Then the other gets to share about something too
Make this an enjoyable time talking together
Remember
to use the
floor!
Love Style: Touch
The sixth style of love is touch
Human beings need to be touched
Some people don't feel loved without lots of touch.
With it, they feel cherished
Everyone needs some mix of the six different love styles.
Putting it together:

Some people might feel most loved when their partner does something for them and gives them gifts, but touch in not all that important.
How do you think we usually tend to show our love, in styles that mean more to us? Or the style that means most to our partner?
Not understanding that we have different love styles sets us up for making negative interpretations
What does it look like this person needs to feel loved?
ACTIVITY

Here we see Doing, going wrong.
What do you think could have been done to either fix the situation or avoid it all together?
Be means BE with me
Most times people want to Be with their significant other, to make them feel loved.
Love Style: Be
Love Style: Give
Giving a gift is a way of saying "I Love You" for giving others receiving a gift means "You Love Me"
Giving a gift
Love Style: Encourage
Some people feel especially loved when their partner encourages them, to do things that make them happy.
Everyone is different, and different love styles mean more or less to different people.
It is also anther reason why it can be so hard at times to see all the positive things our partner's really doing for us.
How do you feel most love??
LOVE
WE ARE DIFFERENT
6 LOVE STYLES
Do
Be
Give
Encourage
Talk
Touch
Words of the Heart
.
X
mean what they did/what they said,
When you said let go to botanical garden this weekend,
.
Y
mean the situation,

because I was telling you about my problem and feel stress,
.
Z
mean how you feel.
I felt caring
.
XYZ Statement Example
marries
What are some ways that this couple could express their love, with each other's love style in mind?
Often times...
"DO"
"TOUCH"
Events, Issues, and
Hidden Issues
Module Concluded
Hidden Issues
Hidden issues are the fundamental needs of every healthy person otherwise known as Heart Issues.
Events: How

Issues: What

Hidden Issues: Why
Events, Issues, Hidden Issues
How to Deal with Events
Use the Time-Out rule.
How to Deal with Hidden Issues
"Un-hide" them!
Hidden Issues
Caring
Acceptance
Control
Power
Love
Integrity
Respect
Commitment
Trust
Recognition
Full transcript