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How to Win Friends and Influence People

the book, part 2

Marlene Cabrera

on 23 May 2013

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Transcript of How to Win Friends and Influence People

2. A sure way of Making Enemies- and How to Avoid It 3. If You're Wrong, Admit It How to Win Friends and Influence People If you are going to prove anything, don't let anybody know it. Do it subtly.
"You cannot teach a man anything, you can only help him to find it within himself"
"One thing I only know, and that is that I know nothing"
You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong.
We like our beliefs and will defend them.
When we are wrong, we may admit it to ourselves, and others.
"I am convinced now that nothing good is accomplished and a lot of damage can be done if you tell a person straight out that he or she is wrong. You only succeed in stripping that person of self-dignity and making yourself an unwelcome part of any discussion." by: Marlene Cabrera Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right
"A man convinced against his will; Is of the same opinion still."
Arguing with someone doesn't earn you their good will
You could be right, but any efforts to change another's mind is futile
Buddha said: "Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love," and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person's viewpoint Part 3:
How to Win
People to Your
Way of Thinking 9 steps to keep a disagreement
from becoming an argument 1. Welcome the Disagreement
2. Distrust your first instinctive impression
3. Control your temper
4. Listen first
5. Look for areas of agreement
6. Be honest
7. Promise to think over your opponent's
ideas and study them carefully
8. Thank your opponents sincerely for
their interest
9. Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem If we know we are going to be rebuked anyhow, isn't it far better to beat the other person to it ourselves? Isn't it much easier to listen to self-criticism than to bear condemnation from alien lips?
Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking or wants to say or intends to say-and say them before that person has a chance to say them. The chances are a hundred to one that a generous, forgiving attitude will be taken and your mistakes will be minimized.
There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one's errors. It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error.
When we are right, let's try to win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking, and when we are wrong-and that will be surprisingly often, if we are honest with ourselves-let's admit our mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm.
"By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expect." 4. A Drop of Honey The sun can make you take off you coat more quickly than the wind; and kindliness, the friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily than all the bluster and storming in the world. 5. The Secret of Socrates In talking with people, don't begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing-and keep on emphasizing-the things on which you agree. Keep emphasizing, if possible, that you are both striving for the same end and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose.
The skillful speaker gets, at the outset, a number of "Yes" responses. This sets the psychological process of the listeners moving in the affirmative direction.
The psychological patterns here are quite clear. When a person says "No" and really means it, he or she is doing far more than saying a word of two letters. The entire organism-glandular, nervous, muscular-gathers itself together into a condition of rejection.
When, to the contrary, a person says "Yes," none of the withdrawal activities takes place. The organism is in a forward moving, accepting, open attitude. Hence the more "Yeses" we can, at the very outset, induce, the more likely we are to succeed in capturing the attention for our ultimate proposal.
His whole technique, now called the "Socratic method," was based upon getting a "yes, yes" response. He asked questions with which his opponent would have to agree. He kept on winning one admission after another until he had an armful of yeses. He kept on asking questions until finally, almost without realizing it, his opponents found themselves embracing a conclusion they would have bitterly denied a few minutes previously. (cc) photo by theaucitron on Flickr Next.... 6. The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints Most people trying to win others to their way of thinking do too much talking themselves. Let the other people talk themselves out. They know more about their business and problems than you do. So ask them questions. Let them tell you a few things.
Show an interest in the other person and their problems. Encourage the other person to do most of the talking-make a favorable impression.
Even our friends would much rather talk to us about their achievements than listen to us boast about ours
"If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you." Why is that true? Because when our friends excel us, they feel important; but when we excel them, they- or at least some of them-will feel inferior and envious. Cooperating and Working Together Tree 1. You Can't Win an Argument 7. How to Get Cooperation 8. A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You 9. What Everybody Wants
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