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Comparison of Essays

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Peter Caroline

on 23 August 2013

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Transcript of Comparison of Essays

Comparison of my Essays

Playing baseball was the most exciting part of my summer, and most of my summer centered around baseball. For example, I played baseball videogames, shopped for baseball equpiment, practiced baseball skills, and played a few baseball games with friends, family, and teammates.A week after school ended, I joined a recreational team in Raleigh. I played catcher and pitcher for the Raleigh Mets. When my coach asked if I could pitch, I replied, “I can throw the ball to the catcher, so I guess I can pitch”. Our team prevailed in five out of the seven games we played, but were stifled from a prominent position in the tournament due to a lack in team fortitude and a plethora of forfeits
Most of my summer centered around baseball; games practices, equipment, videogames, etc. A week after school started, I joined a recreational team in Raleigh. as a member of the Raleigh Mets, I played pitcher and catcher. Our team won 5/7 of our games, but were prevented from a high-ranking spot in the tournament due to a lack of team dedication and our many forfeits.
Original Essay
S.T.A.R. Essay
Detailed examples
Another highlight of my summer was my trip to Duke University.
Duke University is, in my opinion, the most upstanding college in North Carolina. This made my excursion to Duke University another highlight of my summer.
Topic Sentence
Vocabulary word
I didn't remember if the people in the movie finally stopped the birds or if the birds killed everybody, so I sat in the car for the remainder of the trip.
I didn't remember if the people in the movie finally repressed the birds or if the birds killed everyone, so I sat in the car for the remainder of the jaunt; eating Oreos. That experience made the entire trip a memorable part of my summer.
Vocabulary words
Closing Transition
In conclusion, the TTEEW format of writing greatly makes your essays more professional and will help you in the future. When writing freely, your composition may sound good to you, but sound simple to those grading it. Therefore, using the TTEEW format will help your grade as well
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TTEEW Format

And more importantly,
Peter Caroline
10 seconds
Direct Quote
By: Peter Caroline
Full transcript