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Daniel Grossman

on 16 July 2014

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Transcript of Emotions

What are emotions?
Influences on Emotional Expression
Guidelines for Expressing Emotions
Chapter 4

By Daniel Grossman and Rachel Keating
1. Recognize your Feelings!
2. Feeling/Talking/Acting
3. Expand your Emotional Vocabulary!
4. Share Multiple Emotions!
Weigh both the positive and the negative (if you can't overlook it).

Show the full range of how you feel! Again, be clear!

Be Aware of your feelings.
Identify your emotions.
"Just because you feel a certain way doesn't mean you must always talk about it, and talking about a feeling doesn't mean you must act on it."
Be constructive! Use your discretion and common cents/scents!
Find more accurate adjectives!
Describe what's happening to you!
Describe what you want to do!
Be accurate on the level of your feelings. Most of all, be clear and make sure that you're understood by the other person!
5. When/Where
Don't forget which channel you're communicating in!
Use your intuition and common sense to choose the right one for your message, positive or negative, formal vs. informal, etc.

The SEND button! You can't erase online ...
Accept responsibility for Your Feelings!
Just start with "I" instead of "you."
Make sure you're in the best state to express your feelings! - No, not Maryland :P
Make sure the other person is prepared for what you have to say, don't be the one to make their bad mood or sad mood worse. It could affect the relationship overall.
Personal Disclosure = Privacy!
Sometimes, you have emotions that are better left unsaid. Writing it down can make you feel Much better in Many ways. You can even write a hypothetical letter either just saying what you want to say or imagining how your conversation would go. (Don't send it!)
Personality- Ex. A person who is usually a positive person will have positive emotions. A negative person will have negative emotions.

Culture- A event for a person of one culture will have a different emotion for a person of another culture. Ex 1. - A person may have happiness from eating a food from their country while another person from a different culture may be disgusted by that food. A phrase in one country may mean another thing in another country.

Gender- Men and women will experience the same emotions but they may express them differently.

Social Conventions- Rules of communication in a situation. Sometimes suppressing emotions is necessary- emotion labor- (pg.124)

Fear of Self Disclosure- Fear of the consequences of sharing emotions.

Emotional Contagion- The process where emotions are transferred from one person to another.

Managing Difficult Emotions
Know the difference between facilitative and debilitative emotions.

Facilitative- Contribute to effective functioning (pg-134).

Debilitative-Detracts from effective functioning (pg-134).

The first difference between facilitative and debilitative emotions is that facilitative emotions can be helpful in some situations and debilitative emotions almost always makes a situation worse.

Dwelling on debilitative emotions is called rumination and it increases negative emotions. (pg134).

The second difference between the two is their duration. Feeling facilitative emotions for a short period of time is normal and could help encourage you to improve the situation. Feeling debilitative emotions for a long time will not improve a situation.

Sources of Debilitating Emotions
Physiology- Debilitative emotions can be inherited but can be overcome (pg 134).

Emotional Memory- If a person had a bad experience in the past then new situations similar to the bad situation can cause debilitative emotions( pg 134).

Self-Talk- It’s not the events that cause debilitative emotions but the what the person believes about the event. A person has to think about other reasons why the situation became bad (pg 135).

Diagram of Self Talk Concept (pg. 136)
Physiological Factors
When a person has strong emotions, many bodily changes occur.

Some physiological changes are only recognizable to the person having them.
Nonverbal Reactions
Feelings can also be seen by other people:
Appearance, Behavior

Alcohol = emotion enhancer

Easy to tell strong emotions, but hard to know which one specifically
Cognitive Interpretations
Reappraisal - Rethinking the meaning of emotionally charged events in ways that alter their emotional impact (p. 119)

Essentially, putting a positive mindset to a situation initially perceived as negative

Verbal Expression
Be clear on level (dynamics) of intensityof your emotions. Intensity. Intensity! INTENSITY! intensity... Use different adjectives.
Nonverbal Reaction
Emotional State
Nonverbal Reactions
Verbalizing Emotions
Development Problems
Talk about emotions constructively.

Parenting styles:

Emotion Coaching

Emotion Dismissing
Being called names
Hurt, upset
I've done something wrong
Being called names
Concern, Sympathy
My friend must be sick
Irrational Thinking and Debilitative Thoughts
Irrational thoughts (fallacies)(pg.138) lead to illogical conclusions that turn into debilitative emotions.

The Fallacy of Perfection- A person assumes other people won’t appreciate them if they are not perfect.

The Fallacy of Overgeneralization- Has two types. The first type is when people base a belef on a limited amount of evidence. Ex-I’m such a idiot! I can’t do this math problem. The second type is when people exaggerate short comings. Ex- I Can’t think of anything. Statements like these can lead to debilitative emotions

The Fallacy of Causation- Based on the belief that others cause our emotions and that people do not want make others feel bad. People respond to other peoples behavior. A person does not cause another person’s emotions.

The Fallacy of Catastrophic Expectations- People believe that if something bad can happen it will. It is better to think rationally and think about all the outcomes in a situation.

The Fallacy of Shoulds- The inability to distinquish between what is and what should be (pg 140). A person can prefer that other people behave differently but it is unreasonable to insist that they behave differently.

Being obsessed with shoulds has some consequences.

It leads to unnecessary unhappiness, complaining without acting will not change the situation and it will make others not like a person because they nag too much.

The Fallacy of Approval- Thought that everyone needs to think a person is perfect. It is not rational because a person often sacrifices their own values to please other people and it does not work.

The Fallacy of Helplessness- Makes people believe that satisfaction in life is determined by forces that they cannot control. They see themselves as victims and do not want to change their behavior.

Minimizing Debilitative Emotions
Monitor Your Emotional Reactions

Note the Activating event

Record Your “Self Talk” (pg.135)

Reappraise Your Irrational Beliefs- Has 3 steps. The first step is to figure out if the belief is rational or irrational. The second step is to explain why the belief is rational or irrational. The third step is to write down a alternate way of thinking. Basically if a person thinks rationally they can overcome these emotions.
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