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COLLEGE LIFE & YOUR FUTURE!
Transcript of COLLEGE LIFE & YOUR FUTURE!
You'll Have As
Test Buy toilet
& toothpaste! English essay due Tomorrow!!! I ate all your cake
I owe you lunch gurl!
your roomate The Office COLLEGE LIFE
& YOUR FUTURE! Atlantic
Ocean Canada Indian
Ocean Antarctic Ocean Arctic Ocean This roommate is... The Robot The Ghost There's no firm evidence this roommate even exists.. The Vampire Looking like and advertisement for hair gel is not what makes him a monster, but you'll notice other things.. The Alien Wherever its from, it has a poor judge of social norms.. The Zombie Sheldon Cooper The first thing you notice, when you move in, is the the rotting stench... your roommate doesn't seem to even notice it at all! Job Results 1. I am able to study:
a) with the t.v. or music on
b) in complete silence
c) in any environment
2. I consider myself:
a) a part-ay animal
b) studious person
c) a well balanced student
& an outgoing person
3. I clean:
a) on a regular basis
b) when there's a noticeable
c) ..as in watching others clean
4. I invite friends over:
a) rarely, unless we plan on
b) all the time
c) occasionally 5. I would:
a) want my own room no matter what
b) be willing to share a room
c) just need a place to crash at nights
6. Your level of profanity when upset:
a) minimal (oh sugar!)
b) light ( double darn that scoundrel!)
c) hardcore ( that $#!% faced, %&*#$% )
7. Your diet consists of:
a) a healthy & wholesome meal with
essential nutrients & vitamins
b) take-out & the occasional vending
c) insta-noodles, t.v. dinners, twinkies,
and anything else microwave friendly
8. The weirdness level of your friends are:
a) They're actually pretty normal.
b) They're a bit nerdy, but that's it.
c) I am often humiliated in public by them. 9. I would like to hang out with my
a) never ever ever..
b) all the time..like BFF's! OMG!
c) on a semi-regular basis 1. a) 1
2. a) 4
3. a) 7
4. a) 10
5. a) 3
c) 5 6. a) 6
7. a) 9
8. a) 2
9. a) 5
c) 7 Add up your numbers &
closest to your
total score is
roommate! YOU ACTUALLY GRADUATED
DESPITE YOUR PARENTS' DOUBTS! Are you in it for the cash flow? YES NO Would you say that you're passionate about
helping other people? Would you say that you're a
creative individual? Would you say that briefcases are
an iconic fashion statement? YES NO YES NO YES NO Who would you prefer as
your mentors? Annie Leibovitz, J.R.R. Tolkien,
Peter Jackson, Pablo Picasso,
& Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Dmitri Mendeleev, Einstein,
Isaac Newton, Rene Descartes,
& Charles Darwin 3. SCIENCES & MATH 2. ARTS 4. SOCIAL WORKS
& JUSTICE Can you easily handle stressful situations
& difficult people NO YES 10. a) 8
e) 2 Sarah Schwarz
Louis Tomlinson you
was here! Calculus assignment due tomorrow!
...hmmm........bettah not. *the perfect model of efficiency *helpful & even friendly! It'll help you move in and
even have nice, non-awkward conversations with you *the human computer. It'll help you with projects
and assignments. ...BUT... *it doesn't understand your human imperfections *it has guidelines embedded into its brain
...Violate it at your own risk! *it will exterminate you for not washing your dishes or
cleaning your side of the room *Maybe it spends all its time at home?
...or with its boyfriend or girlfriend? *You'll never really see this roommate around, unless it's out of the corner of your eye. *You'll occasionally hear the sound of floorboards
creaking and the fridge door and cupboards shutting. *Things move mysteriously when you're not looking. *It might be trying to communicate from the other side through post-it notes & letter fridge magnets ....heed its warnings..it might be telling you to buy more toilet paper! *It stays up all night with its vampire friends. *It can't stand the sunlight. (especially early morning sunlight) *It brings home a different 'victim' each night. *You may not see it suck the blood out of others, but you never see
your roommate eat anything. ..not even when you offer it a saliva inducing Krispy Kreme donut. *It must have supernatural powers...otherwise how is it bringing
home more dates than you? *It has strange habits. (eg. collecting toenail clippings to build what
looks like a spaceship...) *It has a strange diet. (eg. pickles & Nutella) *Like any story about aliens, your friends will never
believe what you encountered. (eg. That one time you saw your roommate swimming
in the bathtub filled with milk and cereal.) *It just shambles around leaving little pieces of itself wherever
it goes. (eg. sweaty socks, pizza crusts, limbs etc.) *It looks like it hasn't showered in months and there's
always stains (human blood?) on the clothes that it
never changes out of *Not to sound cliche..it does seem to want your brain.
It won't stop copying all your projects and assignments. That's DOCTOR
Cooper to you. Remind yourself that this creature has a general lack of humility or empathy before you dare cross it. Sheldon Cooper... Doctor Sheldon Cooper.... * exhibits a tenuous understanding of sarcasm, irony, and humour. Be
careful of what you say around him! He may seriously think you'll intend
to eat a horse when you say, "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse", and will
most likely report you to the police. He can be very convincing. * is vocal about his own superior intellect compared to others around him.
Try not to punch the guy. * has a total lack of social skills, but is unfazed by it. This causes blame
and embarrassment on your part for bringing him to any sort of
social gathering. * is rigidly logical. He will also correct all your mistakes no matter the
acceptable social environment. * says, "Bazinga!" after his jokes. Try to laugh to gain his favour. * is uncomfortable with human physical contact and has a phobia of germs.
(You may be able to use this to your advantage.) * has an extensive general knowledge in many subjects. If you
thought Asians were smart, you should meet this guy. If you get frustrated and tell him he's completely insane,
he'll retort with, "I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested." 10. Here's a situation.
You come home after a long day of tedious classes and work. You’ve been looking forward to eating the decadent chocolate mousse cake your mother has sent you for your birthday. Also, you are planning to watch the latest episode of Breaking Bad. Walter White is basically your hero. You open the door and see that your roommate, who has since fled the scene, has taken your delicious cake (which you wouldn't even know was delicious since you didn't taste it because of the current situation) & has smeared it all over the walls of your room, taken a baseball bat to your t.v., & has smashed the screen. On your imported Persian rug from your beloved, dead, great-grandmother, it's written, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY YO!” on the floor in permanent marker. All of your precious valuables are gone. (Your Tiffany & Co. necklace and ring from your boyfriend have been stolen!) (Your Lord of the Rings collectibles and Pokemon cards are gone from your shelves!) Which of the following best describes your reaction? a) Meh. I mean YOLO right? I would've done the same thing. b) Run out sobbing & call your parents to get you. c) Seek revenge on your roommate.. Dexter style. d) Wait for your roommate to come back and apologize. e) Do nothing. Act like it's not a big deal. Buy your roommate lunch, and say,
"We all have bad days right?" Befriend her/him, and become her/his BFF,
ultimately gaining her/his full trust. By now you are pretty tight with
her/his parents, friends, and boyfriend/girlfriend. Everything is hunky-dory.
Life is great. Now you commit a heinous crime and pin it on her/him.
She/He knows it was you, but no one believes her/him because you’re the good
kid & she's/he’s the wild child that can't be trusted. Now that she's/he’s in
prison you take her/his life. Her/his friends are now your friends, her/his
perfect boyfriend/girlfriend is now your boyfriend/girlfriend (He's such a Ryan Gosling!)
(She’s such a babe, like Megan Fox.), and her parents have pretty much adopted you
,since they’ve always wanted a perfect child like you. :)