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STEP Systematic Training for Effective Parenting

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Paul Kim

on 22 October 2014

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Transcript of STEP Systematic Training for Effective Parenting

- Children need to belong to feel they are accepted.
-This is accomplished by positive behavior or misbehavior.
- Understanding how children seek to belong is important
- Doing so will help you be a more effective parent
- Alfred Adler
(created the basis 1927)
- Rudolf Dreikurs
(developed Adler's concepts)
1. When your child misbehaves, how do YOU feel?
2. What do you as the parent most often do in response to their misbehavior?
3. What does your child do in response?
Four Goals of
children's misbehavior
Image by Tom Mooring
To identify the mistaken goal parents ask themselves 3 questions.
Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP)
(enhanced by)
- Don Dinkmeyer
- James Dinkmeyer
- Gary D. McKay
- Joyce L. McKay
"One must remember that every child occupies an inferior position in life. Every child becomes conscious of his inability to cope with the challenges of existence. This feeling of inferiority is the driving force, the starting point from which every childish striving originates."
- Alfred Adler (1927)
- Don Dinkmeyer, Sr., Gary D. McKay, James S. Dinkmeyer, Don Dinkmeyer, Jr., Joyce L. McKay: Parenting young children. Systematic Training for Effective Parenting of children under six. (1997)
- Don Dinkmeyer, Sr., Gary D. McKay, Don Dinkmeyer, Jr., The parent's handbook. Systematic Training for Effective Parenting. (1997)
- Don Dinkmeyer, Sr., Gary D. McKay, Don Dinkmeyer, Jr., Joyce L. McKay: Parenting teenagers. Systematic Training for Effective Parenting of teens. (1997)
- Adler, A. (1932). The Collected Clinical Works of Alfred Adler: Journal articles: 1931-1937. Transl. by G.L.Liebenau. T.Stein (2005).
Hypothesis of the theory
(Children Need to Belong)
Founders & Developers
Display of Inadequacy
Topics of STEP
- Understanding yourself and your child
- Encouraging your child and yourself
- Developing the courage to be imperfect
- Listening and talking to your child
- Helping children learn to cooperate
- Positive discipline that makes sense
- Choosing your approach
Effective STEP Parenting
Explore alternatives
Use reflective listening
Use an I-Message
Give choices

Children desire and need attention. But one who needs it the time will resort to special treatment.
Children believe their goal is to be the boss.
"I belong only by being the boss- even if I have to fight. If my parents fight with me, I have power.
Children feel as though they have been hurt, and they feel the only way they can belong is to get even.
"I'm not lovable. I belong only by hurting my parents. I want them to feel as I do."
Child will give up by displaying helplessness and just give up. Displayed in activities such as homework.
Case Study
"I belong only by being noticed, even if that makes problems for my parents."
"I belong by convincing my parents that I can't do things. In fact I try and fail, I
Display of Inadequacy
Shawn's fourth grade class is playing basketball in gym. Shawn tells his mom "Nobody wants me on their team. I can't shoot." Mom tried to help him practice. Even has his older brother help him too. If Shawn misses the shot he says "I'll never be any good." His mother has no idea what to do. She says "Maybe basketball isn't your game, you don't have to play if you don't want to."
What Else Could Mom Do?
She could refuse to give up. "I know you can learn to shoot. So just keep working!"
She could be careful not to pity him. If he thinks his mom feels sorry for him, he'll feel sorry for himself too.
She could encourage him as he plays.
She could encourage him in other ways, such as other sports.
Parenting Skills
Beliefs & Feelings: be aware of your feelings and beliefs and make changes in influencing your child's positive behavior
Encouragement: understand the difference between praise & encouragement. Encouragement is acknowledgment; for participation & effort
Listening & Talking: listen to build relationships & talking with your children with respect by using I-messages.
Owning the problem: let your children handle their own problems.

Positive Discipline
Promotes discipline that focuses on solution
Challenges the idea that children need to feel bad to do better
Emphasizes kind & firm discipline without being permissive
Emphasizes why adults are responsible for many behavior problems
Full transcript