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Tannen: That’s Not What I Meant! How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships: Chapters 4-6
Transcript of Tannen: That’s Not What I Meant! How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships: Chapters 4-6
how we mean
what we say or do and
figuring out how
others mean what they say
or do. " How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships Why We Don't Say What We Mean Framing and Reframing Chapter 6 Power and Solidarity By: Deborah Tannen Conclusion indirect through metamessages
remain in frames set by others
tone of voice
facial expression The way we say something contributes to how we establish the footing we use to frame our relationships Subtle signals breaking the frame www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wlk8EV9PPc8 www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wlk8EV9PPc8 Breaking the Frame (2) ways to break free:
metacommunication- directly talking about it
indirectly changing it Framing Discussion Question: From the reading, did the author break from the frame she was set in? Frames Are Dynamic "Communication is a continuous stream in which everything is simultaneiously a reaction and an instigation. " (Tannen 91)
frame lines are constantly evolving
frames become part of what establishes the next frame, just as they are a part of what frame existed before. Why we CAN'T say what we mean Power and Solidarity:
"Capture the way we juggle involvement and independence in the real world." Power control & resisting conrol
social status Solidarity rapport
footing Discussion Question Why we WON'T say what we mean Part I: Part II: Why we don't say what we mean: Indirectness WHY? - desire to "balance the conflicting needs for involvement and independence" Common misconceptions: Directness = Honesty Indirectness = Dishonesty people struggle to both maintain power and solidarity, becuase resisting control can often jeopordize our relationships. - The metamessage of rapport - The protective armor of indirectness - The danger of indirectness - Just joking - The aesthetic pleasure of indirectness - Which truth - Directness is not enough - When Honesty is unkind - Differing styles make Honesty Opaque - Whos manipulative HOW? - hinting and picking up hints
- refraining from saying some things
- assuming what other people mean from what they refrain from saying Greg and Cynthia Snack Father/Daughter Greek Family “Look, Ma. No hands!” Ex: Ellen returns home for her sisters wedding Ex: Traveling professor at airport Rachel Green: The Waitress Do you really think that "indirectness" is a necessary/an unavoidable part of communication? Why? Ex: Ruth and Albert Ex: Albert.. is a manipulator!? Juggling Act: We DON'T say what we mean. - as illustrated by the various examples of indirect messages Awareness of these indirect messages/and their purpose is what helps avoid miscommnuications Have you ever been in a situation like this, on either side of the spectrum? Do you think that people read to much into things or are Cynthias assumptions justified? Why do you think that this "indirectness" has become the norm in modern day communication? Why do you find yourself being www.youtube.com/watch?v=rl6UoYiBp-M both rapport and defensive payoffs Chapter 4 Run Down: Thank you!